So .. where was I?
Oh yeah.. I was trying to think..
Ha! That's hard to do without a clear mind..
Isn't that why I go to therapy every week?
So that I can clear my mind.. and look deep inside?
Of course it is..
Then how the hell did I miss it?
How? Pftttttttt that was easy!
I wanted to believe! Thats how!
Ok.. fine.. so I know what I'm talking about and you don't... I guess I better fill ya in.. so you can keep up huh?
I guess I'll start from last night..
I've been writing my book.. Connecting the dots.. (Copyrighted already)
One of the dots.. is about my abusive childhood..
The next dot.. is my abusive marraige..
Then PA/PAS...
Then how I figured it all out..
Then what I did after I figured it out..
My long long .. road to healthy...
Have I reached there yet?
Hell NO!
How far do I have to go?
Pftttttttt at this point.. who knows..
So then if I haven't reached healthy yet .. how dare I have already started my book..
Oh.. this is where your wrong.. hold on.. writing about the past is helping me with the present..
Confusing? Ha.. yeah tell me about it...
Your probably thinking .. someone get this woman a shrink- FAST!
Toooo late.. more than one someone's already beat ya to that one..
Yep.. I've had FIVE psych evaluations.. and believe it or not.. there aint a *&%#in thing wrong with my thouht process.. the only issues are those from being a victim my whole life.. hence my book.. to help others ... connect the dots.. as to how and why they might find themselves.. an alienated parent.. or an adult child of alienation.. OR better yet.. in an abusive relationship.. heading for being an alienated parent!
I bought a few looseleaf books and began putting my thoughts/memories down in one of them.. the more I wrote .. the more it became a story.. the more memories surfaces.. things that I had to tried to keep out.. the pain.. the humiliation of being from an abused home.. hurts like hell..
But.. I don't think it compares to the pain and hurt of figuring out later in life that you were abused.. when you thought you came from "the perfect" home!
Some of you reading this may say.. well.. Louise .. your not a professional..
No I'm not.. so who do I think I am.. to talk about abuse and it's after effects..
I think.. no wait.. I know I'm qualified given my EXPERIENCES!
Given the research I've done.. the dots I've had to connect.. the pain I've gone through..
Connecting the dots wasn't as simple as deciding that one goes here . and the other goes here .
Hell no.. if that was what I was talking about .. then seriously .. someone go get a strecher.. I need to be committed!
I'll be back in a few to continue these thoughts and much more..
For the full story see related links below -
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots... Part 1 - Today I'm playing all of the John Lennon U-Tubes I can find.. why?
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots Part 3
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots Part 4
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