Believe.. Believe.. Believe.. I did ..
Pfttttttttttt FIRST HUGE MISTAKE!
Believing the words.. when the actions don't match.. nope not smart!
When someone wants something as they "say" they do.. the actions must match those words.. always... other wise .. they’re just words right?
Hey.. don't get me wrong.. we can't always follow through on everything we promise.. but it better be damn near close to always.. or you need to accept that this person's words simply don't match their actions.. and see it as a major red flag!
When actions are opposite of words...
What do you do? RUN.. ya stupid needing to believe the lies ass hole.. run far away and don't look back!! Sadly people from dysfunctional homes are broken.. myself included!!
People from abusive homes.. are aware that there is a major problem.. and eventually seek help.. as I did! Those whose lives have been destroyed because of the learned helplessness.. or disastrous results from primitive coping mechanisms.. will usually seek help.. unless they are to far gone.. and see no hope...Those who still use primitive defense mechanisms (links at bottom of this article - see if you use healthy or unhealthy defense mechanisms) yet function on a fairly functional level may not realize they need help.. they may like their dysfunction.. or be to afraid or to comfortable to "change" what's obviously not working in their life...
Those are the people that need you to believe..
They will tell you outlandish tales...or give you ridiculous excuses.. or they may try to sell you .. straight out lies... lies.. stories.. and tales that exist only in their head and defy evidence to the contrary.. yet they need you to believe...what they think or what they want you to think is going on!
Ha.. go ahead believe the lie.. see where it gets ya!
Evil parents.. as the close friend that sparked this post has.. are usually manipulative.. God knows this woman's picture is next to the word manipulative in the dictionary.. and I wouldnt be surprised if her picture was beside the words evil.. cunning.. or even emotionally and verbally abusive.
Have I given a clear picture of who this close friend was raised by?
The friend in question appears to be more like the father (of the victim mindset- pftt who else could live with a woman like that).. whereas the brother is outwardly more like the mother... Yet... when this friend acts out .. you almost want to believe it's innocent.. child like and out of being naive.. or so I've perceived it that way for a while now..
The other night.. as I was writing a chapter of my book on the impact this woman has had on my life and many others lives.. I began by describing her smile.. she has such a deceiving smile..
I went on to say that if I knew of an inspiring artist that needed a model to smile for hours on end.. I would recommend her!
Her smile is like the calm before the storm.. it's an appearingly friendly smile with a blank stare.. where she looks through you .. not at you! I couldn't imagine growing up with such a dominating presence.. now don't get me wrong.. my mother is a psycho.. that woman.. is the devils sister.. and extremely abusive.. but the difference between these two mothers.. is mine was clearly abusive.. and this friends mother is such a passive aggressive abuser that you have to pay attention or she'll have you think YOUR INSANE and she's the victim!
As I was writing the above into my journal.. it was like something slapped me upside the head as in.. IS THERE ANYONE IN THERE.. HELLO WAKE THE HELL UP LOUISE ...WAKE UP... WAKE UP CALL!
I sat silent for a few miniuts.. then got sick to my stomach.. remember the earlier parts of this post .. where I spoke about perception?
Umm hellooooo ...
All along I assumed that my friend was more like the father (a victim of the mother) and nothing like the mother.. but what if my perception is wrong?
Ha! How about that.. if I had been perceiving all the drama this person brings into our friendship.. as innocent.. that would almost excuse my friends accountability.. wouldn't it?
This friend has been in therapy for apx a year.. yet little has changed.. they've been able to "see" what the evil mother is really about.. yet they have been resistant in all other areas of accountability.. for others or for self..
No.. that's not the way it works when you want help from a therapist you wont resist like that.. there is a problem here.. a year of therapy once a week.. is more than enough for major change.. not minor change..
I had to sit back and wonder if the drama this friend brings on them self.. is more than self destructive.. what if it isn't self destructive but intended to sabotage others.. of course that would also be self destructive but not solely self.. but perhaps the intention is to sabotage others?
Umm hellooooo if it walks like a duck.. and talks like a duck.. why don't you call it a cat?
As I've freely mentioned numerous times .. I'm in therapy and have been on again off again my whole life.. guess I never wanted to listen until the last five years.. when my life was destroyed by my passive aggressive and physically abusive .. psychopath (in my opinion he refuses to be tested) estranged husband.. Louis M Argenziano.
There are times when my therapist will ask me if I think I did such and such or so and so .. simply ... to hurt someone.. or to get back at them.. and of course I'm honest with her and say.. HELL YEAH! She once called me a sadistic wench.. hey if it walks like a duck.. yeah you know the rest..
Then she'll say.. Oh so it wasn't unconscious.. and I reply .. NO it was intentional..
I'm not a vindictive or revengeful person.. but enough is enough.. sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine... especially when they refuse to understand how their actions cut like a knife.. or DO they understand.. yet play dumb?
Allowing them to repeat those actions over and over.. claiming.. innocence .. it's everyone else’s fault.. yes the victim mindset.. is a wonderful thing for the aggressor to stay in denial.. "wut.. I didn't do anything... your so mean.. stop picking on me" "It wasn't like that .. it was like this" "No something’s wrong with YOU.. I didn't do anything.. I'm only fighting back!"
I was married to one of those.. it's exhausting..
However.. I'm noticing that my friend has a somewhat similar defense mechanism...
Hmm or is it that they are more like the mother than they are like the father .. and it was intentional from the start..
Is it unintentional consciously.. yet intentional unconsciously?
Things that make ya go hmm ..
Believe it or not .. I've deceived myself.. betrayed my heart of healing...
I'm not very happy with me lately because of this deception and betrayal.. and guess what?
I've found myself.. going back to the unhealthy.. defense mechanisms I tossed out for healthier ones years ago..
Time for a reality check..
Defence mechanism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
For the full story see related links below-
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots... Part 1 - Today I'm playing all of the John Lennon U-Tubes I can find.. why?
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the dots... Part 2
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots Part 3
Disgusted with the system: Connecting the Dots Part 4
REFRESH - Go to Home-Page