I borrowed the above pic from this link ... A graphic of a Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer triangle. (which is an excellent website) which I will put in the links file on the right of this blog...in an attempt to spread the word so to speak..
Most readers of my blog are here because they've been victimized.. by either the system.. an ex spouse.. or some other person with significant power..
First let me say.. I don't want anyone reading this to feel that I am calling/labeling or accusing anyone of intentionally being a victim..
Sometimes.. it is the person's though process that keeps them in a victim role.. I wonder how many victims are aware of what their role is in why they are where they are?
I have been dealing with a few someone's lately that don't realize it but they are very happy "being the victim" ...
Today I am suffering from a headache the size of Mount Everest because .. it is way to exhausting for those of us that want a healthy.. drama free life to deal with!
The more aware/healthy I become... the more I become of the world around me.. the more I hate people.. sad huh?
Ehhh it is what it is.. and I'm not apoligising for it.. nor am I able to change it (them) so I'll keep on keeping on and trying to make some aware of the hell they are causing themselves..
Some will read this with "victim eyes" and hate me... due to them thinking I'm talking about them...
Some will read this and understand what I'm talking about and say ..
Oooo yeah.. aren't they "those in victim mode" or those evil Malignant Narcissists/Psychopaths beyond exhausting?
Some will read this and go grab a beer or a cup of coffee.. and wait for another post that actually "applies" to them.. I wonder how many "life victims" or "predators".. will just pass this post over.. because it can't apply to me .. it's to painful to accept that she may be thinking of me when she posted this!
Fear not.. if I posted this about you.. you would already know.. I hold no punches.. I can't play nice with 'life victims" or "predators" they drain me ... however.. I don't personally know all of my readers... so perhaps it does apply to you.. and maybe someone else cringes when you walk into a room.. or when they see your phone number on the caller I.D... and think.. "can I handle this right now?" maybe they let your call go to voice mail.. because they haven't recovered from the last draining encounter with you...
My advice to you.. is read this post with an open mind.. with an awareness that many many people operate from a victim standpoint and aren't aware of it... as Lynne Forrest states on her web page..
Drama Triangle: The Three Faces of Victim by Lynne Forrest
If your one of those that blame others for everything that "happens" in your life.. if you can be honest with yourself and see that your passivity or your avoidence to deal with issues.. or even for some/most.. their self sabatoging defense mechanisums.. may be playing a role in "things that appear to happen" to you .. you may see that your not a victim after all.. you only allow yourself to be a victim and with some serious soul searching .. lots of education.. even self help will work.. maybe some therapy..or for some a lot of therapy.. you can change that.. suddenly one day you may wake up and see that the world doesn't "happen" to you .. your acceptence of your role in what "happens" can change a lot of your self caused .. misery and drama and turmoil!
As some of you that know me and know what I'm talking about.. or are aware of what it's like to be drained by those in perpetual victim mode.. or those predators.. I know you can relate.. it's the others that this post is here for...
Yes.. this morning.. I am beyond drained.. it's been a long road.. and some of my baggage from my less functional days "needs to go to a safe distance away ASAP as in NOW" before I allow it to destroy me all together... yes.. I see myself going back to very unhealthy patterns..patterns that I adapted in order to cope in my own very dysfunctional family(s)!
So... for others that may be the baggage causing another someone to feel like I do today.. Or perhaps you are feeling exactly like I am today.. maybe this can help you to understand the why's the how's and the how to begin to fix it or understand it and change....
I am posting this .. in hopes that you see what you may be doing to someone else or yourself.. and today you decide .. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.. and begin taking responsibility for yourself and your self created personal hell!
Yeah I know .. some of you are thinking.. it's not me .. she can't possibly be talking about me.. it's always someone else...
God!! Did I mention how much I hate "victims" not someone that has been victimized because there is a huge difference.. I'm talking about dysfunctional victims that live their life in VICTIM MODE!
If this may be you .. and you've stayed with this post this long.. you may want to check out some of the links below!
I've taken a few phrases or paragraps from each link that may entice you to further explore...
"So we become two selves. The socially acceptable self and our unacceptable twin, who has been relegated to live in the dark basement of our being. It consists of all those qualities we want to disclaim. This dark one skulks behind, very much like our own physical shadow. It trails along, awaiting the opportunity to show itself. Like an abandoned, neglected child it starves for recognition. It sometimes is small and barely visible, if seen at all. At such times it causes little or no trouble. But then at other times, it leaps out in front, bigger than life, and devours everything in its path."
Or... one that applies to ME (Louise) today...
"Whenever you find yourself having a huge negative reaction to someone, you're being given the opportunity to encounter your own projected dark twin. It doesn't mean that person is not as unfit, irresponsible, controlling, etc. as you think. It does mean that you wouldn't be reacting with such vehemence if you weren't recognizing, in them, something unclaimed of your own. Of course, those qualities you have judged as abhorrent in your antagonist may not be as obvious in you, simply because you have exerted such unconscious effort in repressing them! Such people who trigger us might be called our "good enemy", because they present us with an opportunity to make conscious denied aspects of ourselves. "
"Recognizing those who trigger us is a good way to begin to recognize our dark twin. We might think about listing the troublesome characteristics of contenders and then own those as repressed and unlovable potentialities of our own. Very often our shadow twin will show itself in dreams as that unknown dark figure of same gender. Once we decide to acknowledge our dark twin, we begin to see it all around ... in our compulsions, dreams, slips of the tongue, and in that person, who triggers such an ill-response in us. Being willing to embrace our own inner darkness brings authenticity. And because we are no longer running from that untoward part of ourselves, we are finally whole."
Side note from me (Louise) Yes.. I freely admit that when I come across a "life victim" or as of late.. a Narcissist.. I see that ugly inner shadow that lives with in me in my own basement .. who thought and acted just like those that now sicken me (victims)! Or again as of late.. the cold hearted.. self centered.. Narcissist! I once read.. that we can only "see" in others.. that which is within ourselves.. and I've never forgotten it.. especially when I encounter someone that seems to push all my buttons... it brings into awareness the ugly within ... nothing is more true!
More here The Dark Twin Within
For those of you that doubt.. here take a look at this..
A letter to skeptics about personality subselves - p. 1 of 3
I recently bought the book.. TOXIC PARENTS..
If you should find yourself.. in drama filled worlds.. and think it's your current partner or current friends.. that is/are the problem..
Especially if you have had no self awareness through either extensive self help books with a drive to learn and change..
Or long term therapy .. again with a drive to learn and change..
Then the first paragraph of that book might interest you.. it states..
"Sure my father use to hit me, but he only did it to keep me in line. I don't see what that has to do with my marraige falling apart."
Which also needs to be altered to include the over protective/over dominating/ over bearing parent.. who only did it because they loved you sooooo much...
May I suggest you do some deep thinking.. and perhaps pick up a copy of that book or do some research online.. there are many other self help books and awesome links that can get you on the right path.. a path that won't have others cringe when you walk into the room... a path that won't have you clueless as to why your life is filled with disapointment after disapointment.. or unhappy co-existence with others.. time and time again...
Click here to see if you can figure out which sub selves operate when your stressed out and can't cope.. I identified mine last week.. then found this link today .. and man O man.. was I on point!
A typical roster ("inner family") of personality subselves
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