Sunday, May 4, 2008

12 Step Program for Parental Alienators..

Sometimes, ok often, I read something and it ignites a SPARK in my brain...
So, what sparked which wire in my brain today...


Way Out Parenting: Do your parents need a 12-step program before ...Proud Parenting - USAYou may tell them you won’t even consider a supervised visitation until they have completed the 12-step program outlined below. Most hate-mongering parents ...
See all stories on this topic

The above, came in one of my Google Alerts for " child visitation" So I opened it and began to read it...

Although it didn't apply to my situation nor did it apply to anyone that I knew... it sure sparked thoughts...

What if someone, perhaps an adult that was alienated as a child (smack) O wait "I" fit that profile.. AND I'm also an alienated parent, so I really fit the perfect profile to do this..

What if I were to come up with a similar (even borrow some from the above list) sample, 12 step program for Alienators that their children can give them once the courts have reunited the alienated parent and the child.

Wait, we can even come up with a 12 step program for all children to give to their parents when they first separate...

Ok give me a few I'll work on this and get back to you .. anyone with idea's leave me a comment.

To Be Cont...

Here's the first draft... for children to give alienators (after the reunification between the target parent and the child) for a signature before the courts agree to allow the once alienator back into that child's life.

The 12 Steps of Parental Atonement and Rehabilitation

Step 1 • I've admitted I was a pathetic parent overpowered by hatred of your other parent and fear of how I would cope after the divorce.

Step 2 • I allowed the Dr's to evaluate me and I freely admit I suffer from a personality disorder that makes me impossible to deal with, I'm a pathological liar, I'm worried only about myself, I am destructive to anyone that I perceive to be a threat and that is everyone sooner or later, that has crossed my path in my life.

Step 3 • I've got a therapist—this time I will work very hard and look deep into my hate-filled psyche and understand the origins of my dysfunction.

Step 4 • I've made a list of all of the reprehensible things I was willing to do and did to our child/children and the other parent out of rage filled self-centeredness, including the verbal taunts, humiliations, and emotional rejections of the other parent. I admit the mind games I played and the brainwashing of not only my children but anyone that would listen to my lies.

Step 5 • I've sent a written heart-felt apology to our child/children and the other parent and asked for forgiveness.

Step 6 • I sent an email blast to 1000 friends, relatives, business associates and neighbors admitting that I had deceived them about the true nature of why the other parent was out of the child[ren]'s lives. The true reason was because of my of anger, revenge, and a personal power trip where I always felt entitled. I admit this is part of my personality disorder.

Step 7 • I've voluntarily signed myself up for anger management and parenting classes. I will do so every year until I REALLY understand how my anger hate and manipulation destroyed the live[s] of my child/children and his/her [their] loving other parent, as well as extended family. I will furnish a paid receipt weekly upon the asking, I will even obtain a written letter from the person giving the classes and my level of participation whenever I am asked to do so.

Step 8 • I have learnt that I am an abuser and I've abused and alienated my child[ren] right along since the day they were born. I can now accept that while I was undermining the other parent's authority I was abusing our child[ren] I now understand when I was "saving" our child from every day chores only to undermine the other parent, I was hurting my child instead of helping him/her. I now understand that my spitefulness through the marriage was not a reaction but a deliberate action and the other parents actions were the reaction to my wrongful action[s].

Step 9 • For the first time in my live, I will spend two full days a week helping others to see that hating the other parent more than you love your children is destructive. I will speak at high schools warning others what to look for in abusers. I have full knowledge of what an abuser looks and acts like, I was one my whole life, I abused others for sport.

Step 10 • I will humble myself and hand out Parent Alienation flyer's that I have designed and have been approved of by my child[ren] at a different court house one day a week for the rest of my natural life or until PA/PAS is a thing of the past.

Step 11 • I've endowed an annual college scholarship for alienated children unable to obtain tuition because of a vengeful parents alienation.

Step 12 • I became certified big brother[s] sister[s] for children destroyed by an alienated parent. I am finally happy that you and your other parent are back in eachothers lives and I will do whatever I can to reinforce that.

To be Cont.. I will come up with one for children whose parents are just divorcing..


bonnie murfet said...

I think the 12 steps are very necessary and relevant

Anonymous said...

While i am sympathetic, these steps are largely excessive, and the ultimatum style of which it is suggested that they be implemented are alienating in themselves. Please consider a very extensive revision that could have some hope of effectiveness. This list does not demand atonement or rehabilitation, it demands perpetual self-flagellation and is not realistic or desireable.

Louise Uccio said...

Thanks for your input, but it was to be said with tongue in cheek, it's a joke!

bonnie murfet said...

Here is a link from a qualified and professional website on how to provide treatment for the alienator -