If you've ever found yourself saying "Oh no .. not again" in any relationship/friendship..or you're an abused partner/ or an alienated parent... then this entire post is a Must read!
Something interesting happened today as I was on my way to the office...
Ok so I don't really have an "office" but I might as well..
I spend countless hours here at my computer researching and researching reading and dissecting what I've read.. and if you saw my computer desk.. it looks like the average "office space" so therefore I feel.. ahemmmm "entitled" to call this my office...
(Go ahead laugh...the word "entitled" is not a word you would use to describe me if you knew me .. but emphasized here to make you smile- note to self.. "entitled" is the underlying problem.. but you already knew that)
So on that note and keeping with the ... On my way to the office story .. we can pretend the space I work in .. is my dayum office... ok? (smile)
Now back to the story ...
Before I begin a post I go to my blogger dashboard where .. I read the posts of those bloggers that I follow...before I begin what I actually came online to rant about...
Today one of the bloggers I follow (Parental Alienation) posted an article about (Actions speak louder than words) being this is a major problem in my personal life... I don't think there is anything that will piss me off more.. or faster than someone who's words don't match their actions...on a consistent basis.
I figured I'd go check out her views on this topic..
She has excellent views.. (of course they're excellent because they are the same as MY VIEWS) hahaha .. ok ok so that was intended to make you laugh.. but in all seriousness..
I wanted to leave a comment.. I wanted to point out that there's a "madness in two" that plays a major role in parental alienation.. as she so brilliantly alluded to..
I believe more and more target parents are "getting it" by blogging or sharing our views with others on either alienating parents or target parents ... the message is becoming clear... at the base of alienation is a personality disorder.
Whether or not we want to accept it.. alienating children from one parent isn't something new, it's been discussed in books that were written in the 1940's as I pointed out in my post..
Disgusted with the system: The life-long lasting effects of PAS noted in 1948?
Right here it would be easy for me to go off on a tangent on why alienating has become such a hot topic.. but I'll refrain the best I can from doing that...
Anywho.. my point about alientaing not being something new .. takes me to the thought of.. well if this (alienating children) isn't something new .. then obviously we the public are dealing with adults that were alienated as children.. and well.. they must have turned out ok.. right?
Apparently they are functioning in society as adults and no-ones the worse for it.. right?
WRONG!
If you follow my posts.. you will see that..
(1) I freely admit to having been raised by a Malignant Narcissist who was married to the other parent.. who was a Co-Dependent...hence my Dysfunction.. which led me to marry what I call a Malignant Narcissist/Psychopath (he refuses to be tested)
(2) I've fully accepted my role in where I am today and why...
(3) I know the damage I've allowed to happen to my alienated children due to what was then MY dysfunction.
(4) I've worked my ass off to not only come to terms with .. but understand and change what MY role was/is.. aka ... MY dysfunction....
(5) Without years and years of therapy.. these realizations could never have been...
(6) I accept that I will be drawn to dysfunction if I'm not very very careful.
(7) I accept that I probably have residual in my life from when I hadn't figured it all out yet...
Why the hell am I confessing MY ROLE in all this?
Why is MY ROLE so dayum important anyway?
What if I NEVER accepted MY ROLE.. in why my children were alienated?
What if I never accepted MY ROLE in why I find/have found myslef drawn to dysfuction?
I could easily sit here and say .. Oh don't blame the victim (like some love to say) It's not MY fault.. that so and so did .. such and such..
WRONG AGAIN!
IT MOST DEFINITELY IS MY FAULT.. and if your a regular reader of this blog because you find yourself in those situations (being abused- or taken advantage of- or alowing someone to get away with (insert whatever works or isn't working in your life) more often than not.. I'd like to challenge you to find YOUR ROLE.. in why...
Without MY HELP.. aka MY ROLE in this .. there couldnt have been the madness in two...
And I'll leave you to this site .. to figure it out for yourself...
Folie รก Deux: The Exquisite Madness of the Family (Family Court Philosopher #79): Get Off the Bus, Gus!
The above site is a MUST READ .. IF you plan on changing why you keep getting into "those situations" or why .. why ... why .. whatever is always happening to YOU....
Right about now.. I'm thinking .. maybe it's not such a bad thing that I've always questioned authority..and thought outside the box..perhaps that's what saved me.. even if it was almost too late.. or maybe it was because it was almost toooooooooo late. I don't think you/us/whoever will begin to question what they believe until it's toooooooooo late. Why rock the boat .. isn't this the way you've operated right along.. and if so.. you probably haven't figured out YOU PLAY A ROLE .. ad a matter of fact YOU PLAY THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE.. IN YOUR LIFE! Anything less.. is allowing yourself to be a victim of circumstances isn't it? (some food for thought)
Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving... whatever you did with it...
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2 comments:
Thank you Louise for you compliments about my blog and writing style. That is more credit than I think I deserve.
I started blogging about parental alienation because it was cathartic and my writings also helped me to understand what was happening. I realized that there were so many other stories, just like mine, and also realized that anyone who reads bogs about parental aleination has their moments where they wonder how did you know my story and why are you writing about it. Like you stated these stories are interchangeable. The other reason that I started blogging about parental alienation was because I felt so helpless in my own situation, but felt that perhaps I could help others. I never want another parent to experience what the thousands of tagert parents have already experienced. I know that I am only one voice, but together, we as target parents, can maybe bring some change.
And you hit the nail on the head with your post that we as target parents also contribute. I do not think you stated those words exactly, but I do think that target parents do contribute. I do not think we do this willingly, but I think there could be a correlation between our early years and choice of spouse and the environment that we were brought up in. Good Lord, I have created another idea for research and a post!
Alienated Mom
LOL .. Another idea for research and a post?
Did that already..and the answer I found.. led me to a million more questions..
If your interested.. type in "enmeshed" up in the search for this blog.. and see what you come up with.
Don't miss Dr. Jane Major's article.
Later later
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