Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Parent Alienation Syndrome

What's that?
Well I will explain it to those of you that are lucky enough to not know what it is.

But before I get into the "what" I need to fill you in on the "who's who" and "what's what" before I explain trust me you'll need to know the players and the reasons, so as to attempt to understand this insanity!

The players so to speak..
The once intact family- Fathers, Mothers, Children, Grandparents, Cousins, Aunt's, Uncle's, sometimes siblings of the children in original "intact family" almost all of the time the "target parent's friends" (target parent definition is on it's way be patient)

The alienator-
This person is the agressive parent that is scorned.

The target parent-
This one is pretty self explainatory, the "target" of the alienators agression.

The children -
They are the ones caught up in the alienators emotional abuse.

They are the real "victims" in Parental Alienation Syndrome aka PAS.

Before I go on it would be helpful if you were to fully understand personality disorders.

Because the "alienator" more often than not, suffers from one or more of these -
usually group "B" Personality disorders.

In my case again I'll bet my kidneys, my ex will be diagnosed as a full blown narcissist!

Perhaps they will also find he has sociopath tendencies.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is a result of "Parent Alienation"

Parent Alienation- Is exactly what it sounds like, one parent being alienated from their loved children.

DSM- Diagnostic Statistic Manual - The Psychiatrists bible.

Child abuse- As of today December 30, 2006 PAS has not been entered into the DSM as child abuse.

We target parents have no doubt if there were justice in this world it will be in there when the "new" DSM comes out in 2010/2011.

However the last DSM to come out was in the early stages of PAS and not enough reasearch had been done.

Some diagnosis entered into the DSM have taken up to 100 years.

Undermining of parental authority, Here is another easy one.
The alienator has usually been abusing the children while the marraige was still intact.

They do this by constantly undermining the target parents every parental request.

This is done to "align" the child with the parent that knows they are the weaker of the two parents.

When used in the context of PAS this means to become one or stand next to one (the alienator)

Ok now on to the "what"
PAS is the systematic denigration of the "target parent" and most times the targets whole side of the family, usually during a divorce constantly denigrating the target either to the children or in front of the children.

I say usually here because most times if you know what to look for you can and will see the alienator begins his/her campaign of denigrating while the marraige is still intact.

If you did not notice the alienating/undermining before the marraige ended and you were unfortunate enough to be with an alienator you will see it soon after the seperation.

Get help before you decide to leave, seek the help of a DR. and a very good lawyer that understands alienators and how they can destroy a childs mind.

Alienating is done to destroy the previously loving and healthy relationship the children and the targets once knew.

I knew you were waiting for the "why"

In my opinion the "why" is the only variable here, some alienate for all of the following reasons, spite, revenge, guilt, to avoid child support, to look like the better parent therefore playing the victim card, to erase the other parent so the alienator can bring in a "new mommy or daddy" without conflict from the birth parent.

There are many reasons, sometimes it's done for more than one reason.

Whatever the "reason" a disturbed parent (The alienator) would like to hold onto so as to "justify" their behaviour it is plain and simple CHILD ABUSE!

The courts need to pull their heads out of the sand and deal with this abuse NOW!

Some courts have begun to deal with it most have not.

Even the courts that claim to deal with PAS, do so on such a small scale that future generatons are at risk!

I could get into the symptoms the children will exhibit, and there are many.

I could get into how each and every PAS child shows the same exact symptoms, but instead I will briefly discuss the reason it is not in the DSM YET, then I will add links to a few great pages on PAS and let your fingers do the walking.

DSM- This is the psychiatrists bible, it lists all the diagnosis within the mental health field.
Ok on to the controversy, PAS is not in the DSM yet, the last DSM came out in the early 90's and PAS had not been researched by enough DR's to add it into the DSM 4, Since that time there has been extensive reasearch done and we pray that PAS will appear in the DSM 5 to be ready in 2010 or 2011.

Many "womens" groups are feverishly debating the exsistance of PAS because they feel "all women are abused and should be allowed to keep good fathers out of their childrens lives and only "use" fathers as a beating post until he gives her his last dollar along with his last pint of blood.


I am an abused woman who came to you (Because I didn't know better, I thought you helped abused women, which I am!) but because you knew from my story that my children were being alienated from me you turned your back on me.

I have found out this is "normal" practice for your group since you banned together and "decided" that PAS can never be accepted otherwise the cat would be out of the bag!

It appears from what I have read online, that you have "taught" women for generations to alienate men, I am aware of many men that never abused the woman they were accused of abusing, yet they sat in jail and lost custody of their children on the woman's word alone.

Well hello! The abusive men figured out your game and used it against the very women you claim to protect.

So what else were you to do, of course turn your back on us.

Good going! I wont rest until your hidden agenda is exposed!

But now some judges are taking your children away for alienating them from their father, of course it wouldn't fit into your agenda to accept P.A.S!

Ok off my soap box for a second, here are some great sites

PAS links

Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness Organization - Emotional and mental child abuse

Parental alienation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Help STOP Parental Alienation Syndrome

Coach Training: Parental Alienation (PAS) & Systemic coaching

The Spectrum of Parental Alienation Syndrome (Part I) by Deirde Rand, Piece 2

There are others out there that are also great reading, but this should give you an idea of the what why and what to look out for in a divorce.

I hope this will also help alienated children find their way back to the 'target parent"

Studies show that adult children who were alienated during childhood likened the alienator to a cult leader.

The Cult of Parenthood: A Qualitative Study of Parental Alienation

Here is something I wish I had early in my miserable marraige, man would I have run and never looked back!


Before I leave you to click and search, I'd like to share with you a page on the the narcissist, this will help you understand.

Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Re-Visited - Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD...

Here you will find a child's view of divorce, this kid is only 12!

Bill's Arena - Links. The Internet's Best Kid's Divorce Site, By A Kid!

FINALLY It's official, in Iowa, lets make it "official" in EVERY STATE!

Vilsack declares April 25th Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Drop me a line to let me know if this blog was helpful.

Peace out!

No comments: