Report Shows Most States Fail to Release Information Critical to
Exposing and Resolving Systemic Problems in Child Abuse Prevention
Systems
Two National Child Advocacy Groups and Congressional Leaders Advocate
for Greater Transparency
WASHINGTON, April 29 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ --
The majority of U.S. states fail to release adequate information about fatal and life-
threatening child abuse cases, adhering to misguided and secretive
policies that place confidentiality above the welfare of children and
prevent public scrutiny that would lead to systemic reforms,
according to a report released today by First Star and the University
of San Diego School of Law's Children's Advocacy Institute (CAI), two
leading national child advocacy groups.
Only a handful of states fully comply with the legislative intent of
federal law mandating public disclosure of the deaths and near deaths
of abused or neglected children, according to the report, entitled
State Secrecy and Child Deaths in the U.S. The report's authors argue
that states withhold critical information that would hold child
welfare systems accountable and avert future tragedies. First Star
and CAI released their findings at a Capitol Hill briefing today.
The report issues letter grades from "A" to "F" based on an analysis
of the child death and near death disclosure laws and policies of all
50 U.S. states and the District of Columbia. Only six states --
Nevada, New Hampshire, California, Indiana, Iowa and Oregon --
receive top grades of "A" or "A-." Twenty-eight states receive a "C+"
or lower grade. Ten states flunked entirely: Georgia, Maryland,
Montana, New Mexico, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, South Dakota,
Tennessee, Utah and Vermont received a grade of "F" (see attached
chart).
"When abuse or neglect lead to a child's death or near death, a
state's interest in confidentiality becomes secondary to the
interests of taxpayers, advocates and other children, who would be
better served by maximum transparency," said Amy Harfeld, First
Star's Executive Director and a co-author of the report. "Once we
know what is broken, we can try to fix it."
Approximately 1,500 children die each year in the U.S. as a result of
child abuse and neglect. Countless more suffer life-threatening
injuries. First Star and CAI are calling on Congress and individual
state Legislatures to adopt stronger policies and laws that demand
closer examination of the handling of child abuse cases that result
in child deaths or near deaths.
"The current emphasis on confidentiality only masks the problems
inherent in child protection systems," said Robert C. Fellmeth, CAI
Executive Director and Price Professor of Public Interest Law at the
USD School of Law. "Public exposure is a critical step toward fixing
these problems."
All 50 states and the District of Columbia accept federal funds under
the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA). To be eligible
for funding, states are supposed to have provisions that "allow for
public disclosure of the findings or information about" abuse or
neglect cases that result in child death or life-threatening
injuries. But few states adequately comply, in part because the
public disclosure requirement in CAPTA leaves too much room for
interpretation.
The Report highlights Massachusetts as an example of a state in need
of reform. In Massachusetts in 2005, Haleigh Poutre, then 11, was
allegedly beaten into a coma by her foster parents. The Department of
Social Services had received and dismissed at least 14 separate
reports of prior suspected abuse.
First Star and CAI are pushing for changes in state and federal laws,
including:
-- Clarified language in federal law (CAPTA). CAI and First Star
acknowledge that the public disclosure mandate as written in
federal law is vague and leaves too much room for interpretation. They
support changes that would clarify and strengthen disclosure
requirements so states know how to comply with the intent of the legislation.
-- Amendments to state policies and laws. To make disclosure
policies more enforceable, the advocacy groups want state Legislatures to
more clearly articulate and strengthen their policies and modify
their statutes to require maximum transparency in cases of death and
near death caused by abuse or neglect.
-- Separating disclosures from criminal proceedings. Currently,
some states, such as Minnesota and North Carolina, will not release
information about a child fatality or near fatality unless a
person is criminally charged. Disclosures should not be dependent on a
district attorney's decision to prosecute.
"Child abuse deaths and near deaths reflect the system's worst
failures," said CAI's Emily Reinig, the report's chief
author. "Unfortunately, it is often only through such cases that
lawmakers and the public learn of systemic inadequacies in child
welfare systems. Until state laws require the regular release of
accurate and unfiltered information, an informed public discussion
cannot occur. Public access to the facts will protect children and
save lives."
About First Star
First Star is a national 501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated
to strengthening the rights and improving the lives of America's
abused and neglected children through education, public policy,
legislative reform, and litigation. www.firststar.org
About The Children's Advocacy Institute
The Children's Advocacy Institute, of the University of San Diego
School of Law, works to improve the health, safety, and well being of
children. In addition to its academic component, CAI engages in regulatory and
legislative advocacy, impact litigation and public education in order to ensure
that children's interests are represented effectively whenever and wherever
government makes policy and budget decisions that will impact them.
www.caichildlaw.org
GRADES,At a Glance
Jurisdiction Grade Jurisdiction Grade
Alabama B-
Missouri B-
Alaska C
Montana F
Arizona B
Nebraska C+
Arkansas C-
Nevada A
California A-
New Hampshire A
Colorado D
New Jersey B-
Connecticut B-
New Mexico F
Delaware C
New York B+
District of Columbia B-
North Carolina C
Florida B+
North Dakota F
Georgia F
Ohio C+
Hawaii B-
Oklahoma C+
Idaho B-
Oregon A-
Illinois B+
Pennsylvania F
Indiana A-
Rhode Island C-
Iowa A-
South Carolina C
Kansas B
South Dakota F
Kentucky C-
Tennessee F
Louisiana C-
Texas C+
Maine D+
Utah F
Maryland F
Vermont F
Massachusetts D-
Virginia C-
Michigan B-
Washington B
Minnesota B
West Virginia B-
Mississippi B-
Wisconsin D
Wyoming D+
NEWS CONFERENCE CALL TODAY AT 3 PM IN WASHINGTON, DC
Media dial-in number: 888-398-1687
PARTICIPANT PASSCODE: 5198644
Website: http://www.firststar.org/
Website: http://www.caichildlaw.org/
Original Article -
http://sev.prnewswire.com/education/20080429/CLTU01129042008-1.html
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dr Amy J. L. Baker
The info below is from Dr. Amy J.L. Baker author of "Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome" A MUST SEE!
Louise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greetings,
I wanted to let you know that I will be on the Steve Adubato Show called One-One-One Friday May 2nd at 5:30 pm on Channel CN 8 which airs in the following states: NY, NJ, PA, DE, MD, CT, MA, ME, NH, RI, VT, FL.
“Join Steve as he learns the disturbing signs of parental alienation. Amy J.L. Baker, author of the book “Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome,” shares what children and parents should look for to determine whether they are victims of alienation.”
Feel free to spread the word!
Thanks and best wishes,
Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.
www.amyjlbaker.com
Louise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greetings,
I wanted to let you know that I will be on the Steve Adubato Show called One-One-One Friday May 2nd at 5:30 pm on Channel CN 8 which airs in the following states: NY, NJ, PA, DE, MD, CT, MA, ME, NH, RI, VT, FL.
“Join Steve as he learns the disturbing signs of parental alienation. Amy J.L. Baker, author of the book “Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome,” shares what children and parents should look for to determine whether they are victims of alienation.”
Feel free to spread the word!
Thanks and best wishes,
Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.
www.amyjlbaker.com
Bloggers Unite
While the words might change from country to country and are sometimes taken for granted, human rights represent one of the universally agreed upon ideas — that all people are born with basic rights and freedoms that include life, liberty, and justice. This year marks the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights adopted by the United Nations.
Bloggers Unite For Human Rights challenges bloggers everywhere to help elevate human rights by drawing attention to the challenges and successes of human rights issues on May 15. What those topics may include — the wrongful imprisonment of journalists covering assemblies, governments that ignore the plight of citizens, and censorship of the Internet.
More ... Bloggers Unite
Bloggers Unite For Human Rights challenges bloggers everywhere to help elevate human rights by drawing attention to the challenges and successes of human rights issues on May 15. What those topics may include — the wrongful imprisonment of journalists covering assemblies, governments that ignore the plight of citizens, and censorship of the Internet.
More ... Bloggers Unite
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Juvenile Judges Group Pays to Settle U.S. Fraud Claim
by Patrick Boyle
The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges will pay
$300,000 to settle allegations that it committed fraud to get grant money from the U.S. Department of Justice. The Justice Department charged that the council falsified employee time sheets, billed the federal government for work by “ghost” employees, used grant funds to hire the spouses of employees and fired a worker who questioned those practices, according to the settlement filed this month in U.S. District Court in Reno, Nev.
Council President Judge Susan B. Carbon released a statement Tuesday saying that the council “did not admit liability,” but that the council “takes these allegations seriously and has reviewed its administrative and training policies to insure that the Justice Department will not have such concerns again.”
The council has received $97 million in federal grants since 1985, according to a Justice Department summary of the case, including several grants since the department filed the lawsuit in 2005 under the Civil False Claims Act.
According to that lawsuit and the settlement, which prompted the dismissal of the case on April 15, the Justice Department claimed that the council:
* Collected grant funds by billing for fictitious workers, double-billing for overhead and filling out employee time sheets “to meet predetermined billing targets, regardless of the actual hours worked on each grant by the employee.” Those actions allegedly occurred from 2000 to 2006.
The statement from Carbon said the settlement concerned “allegations about how the National Council recorded staff time on federal funded projects.”
* Hired the husband of Mary Mentaberry, now the executive director, as a real estate agent to negotiate property transactions from 1997 to 2001, for which “he received significant commissions (nearly $95,000),” and hired the husband of another employee as a computer consultant in 2001 and 2002, paying him $2,000. Those actions violate the Justice Department’s conflict-of-interest regulations for grantees, the claim says.
During that time, Mentaberry was director of the organization’s Permanency Planning for Children Department, according to the council. She became executive director in 2004.
* Wrongfully fired an employee, Serena Hulbert, for asking about “questionable practices” regarding grants that the council had appointed her to oversee.
Hulbert ignited the case when she filed a federal complaint in 2005 saying that she had questioned the council’s expenditures and allocations of funds under its federal grants.
Carbon’s statement said the council “determined that it was in the best interests of the national council and its long relationship with the Justice Department to settle these issues and resolve the department’s concerns.”
The attorney reading the statement, Tom Madden, said neither he nor the council would answer further questions about the case. Hulbert filed a new lawsuit for wrongful termination on April 23, according to court records.
Click here to read court documents filed in the cases.
Original Article - http://67.199.2.34/publication/article.cfm?article_id=1801
The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges will pay
$300,000 to settle allegations that it committed fraud to get grant money from the U.S. Department of Justice. The Justice Department charged that the council falsified employee time sheets, billed the federal government for work by “ghost” employees, used grant funds to hire the spouses of employees and fired a worker who questioned those practices, according to the settlement filed this month in U.S. District Court in Reno, Nev.
Council President Judge Susan B. Carbon released a statement Tuesday saying that the council “did not admit liability,” but that the council “takes these allegations seriously and has reviewed its administrative and training policies to insure that the Justice Department will not have such concerns again.”
The council has received $97 million in federal grants since 1985, according to a Justice Department summary of the case, including several grants since the department filed the lawsuit in 2005 under the Civil False Claims Act.
According to that lawsuit and the settlement, which prompted the dismissal of the case on April 15, the Justice Department claimed that the council:
* Collected grant funds by billing for fictitious workers, double-billing for overhead and filling out employee time sheets “to meet predetermined billing targets, regardless of the actual hours worked on each grant by the employee.” Those actions allegedly occurred from 2000 to 2006.
The statement from Carbon said the settlement concerned “allegations about how the National Council recorded staff time on federal funded projects.”
* Hired the husband of Mary Mentaberry, now the executive director, as a real estate agent to negotiate property transactions from 1997 to 2001, for which “he received significant commissions (nearly $95,000),” and hired the husband of another employee as a computer consultant in 2001 and 2002, paying him $2,000. Those actions violate the Justice Department’s conflict-of-interest regulations for grantees, the claim says.
During that time, Mentaberry was director of the organization’s Permanency Planning for Children Department, according to the council. She became executive director in 2004.
* Wrongfully fired an employee, Serena Hulbert, for asking about “questionable practices” regarding grants that the council had appointed her to oversee.
Hulbert ignited the case when she filed a federal complaint in 2005 saying that she had questioned the council’s expenditures and allocations of funds under its federal grants.
Carbon’s statement said the council “determined that it was in the best interests of the national council and its long relationship with the Justice Department to settle these issues and resolve the department’s concerns.”
The attorney reading the statement, Tom Madden, said neither he nor the council would answer further questions about the case. Hulbert filed a new lawsuit for wrongful termination on April 23, according to court records.
Click here to read court documents filed in the cases.
Original Article - http://67.199.2.34/publication/article.cfm?article_id=1801
Monday, April 28, 2008
NYC attorney said ".....even if I have to throw the client under the bus"
One of the quotes from Expose Corrupt Courts one of my favorite web sites has a story today about Expose Corrupt Courts: NY Jurist: Our Judges are the Rodney Dangerfields of government
From - nyc attorney said...
"Oh Yes! you got it right the DICTATORS in BLACK ROBES! As an attorney I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut. What a judge wants he gets one way or the other. This is the case even if I have to throw the client under the bus. As far a the pay raise goes, screw them! Remember about pay back judges!"
So tell me what do I tell my children?
I could say ... Although I always adored and wanted you in my life since the day you were born, your father Mr. Louis M Argenziano through his political connection- to JOSEPH PANEPINTO and Joseph's wife JUDGE BARBARA PANEPINTO, Supreme Court Judge in the Matrimonial part in Richmond County, probably told every one of my attorneys to throw me under the bus so that you kids could be [il]legally kidnapped. So far mommy cant get Due Process and our civil and constitutional rights have been eradicated.
One has to wonder if that's why you guys are being raised by AGGIE PANEPINTO and told your mother abandoned you and didn't love you, and not by your loving and very able REAL MOTHER who will fight the panepinto connection until someone ends this fraud and abuse of power, and gives you guys back to me.
THEY (anyone involved in the [il]legal kidnapping of my children) SHOULD ALL GET HIT BY BUSES AND BE PERMANANTLY MANGLED THEN LIVE AGONIZING LIVES LIKE I DID BECAUSE OF THEM!
Below is my Opposition to My latest Attorneys Motion to be Relieved "Due to confidential reasons- because of attorney client privilege" The Opposition is to be heard on May 21, in Judge Silbers court room in the homeport in Richmond County, anyone that want's to see this drama play out contact me and I'll tell you what time you can watch this live...
SUPREME COURT STATE OF NEW YORK
COUNTY OF RICHMOND
-------------------------------------------------------x
LOUISE UCCIO INDEX#: 50822/2007
Plaintiff
-against-
AFFIDAVIT IN OPPOSITION OF
MOTION TO BE RELIEVED AS
COUNSEL
LOUIS M ARGENZIANO,
Defendant
-------------------------------------------------------x
STATE OF NEW YORK )
) SS:
COUNTY OF RICHMOND)
2. Mr Lomtevas was aware that I was labeled a dangerous drug addict yet denied drug testing on numerous occasions. My voluntary negative hair drug test was precluded.
Exhibit- A(1) A(2) A(3) A(4)
3. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that I was unlawfully kept from my children by the Richmond County Family Court with no contact for eighteen months in 2003 leading up to a coerced change in custody. Exhibit- B (Pages 1-7)
4. Mr. Lomtevas knew the coerced stipulation of the custody change was due to a combination of deceptive preclusion of critical evidence # as well as my trusting Mr. Acunzo who was not ethically representing an innocent mother unaware of the fraud being perpetrated to legally kidnap her children. Exhibit- C(1), C(2), C(3)
5. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that the deceptively precluded false “indicated” ACS was over- turned in my favor in 2006, yet he refused to add any of the above information into the motion to modify custody. Exhibit - D
6. The alleged breakdown in communication Mr. Lomtevas may be referring to began when Mr. Lomtevas adamantly refused to use the over-turned ACS case to show that the conditions have changed substantially since the last custody order.
7. Mr. Lomtevas insisted that was not a substantial change in circumstance worthy of modified custody. Mr. Lomtevas stated that he would be sanctioned for “spouting bull” if he were to use that in the motion.# Pursuant to CPLR 5015 Mr. L. M Argenziano’s fraudulent custody order need only be vacated as it is and has been void ab initio. Exhibit- E
8. I assured Mr. Lomtevas I was positive an overturning of a false abuse case is an overwhelming substantial change in circumstances. I told Mr. Lomtevas that information, was confirmed in a conversation I had in August of 2006 with Ann Marie Jolly esq.#
9. Mr. Lomtevas refused to add the continued breaking of a valid order of protection by Mr. L. M Argenzinao’s using our children, ACS, the courts, the computer/stalking with proof and inconsistent child support calculations, rendering me incarcerated numerous times as his weapons to further destroy me. Mr. L. M Argenzinao did not like the order of visitation for me, from the court, minimal as it was Mr. L M Argenziano has been in contempt of that order for the last five years. Exhibit F - F7
10. Mr. Lomtevas told me that Domestic Violence was only a factor considered in initial custody orders, not in modified custody orders which is contrary to case law and DRL §240. “any other factor deemed relevant to a particular custody dispute; e.g., domestic violence, substance abuse, and/or proposed relocation and its impact on the children.” In this ( K.D. v J.D. (2004 NY Slip Op 50814(U)) case to modify custody) the domestic violence occurring in mother's home and its impact on the children is a most significant factor which the court must consider in reaching a determination as to which outcome would most likely serve the children's best interests.” DRL §240; Samala v. Samala, 309 AD2d 798, 765 NYS2d 523 (2d Dept., 2003); Wissink v. Wissink, 301 AD2d 36, 749 NYS2d 550 (2d Dept., 2002); Bishop v. Livingston, 296 AD2d 602, 745 NYS2d 588 (3d Dept., 2002). Matter of J.G. v B.G. (2005 NY Slip Op 51413(U)) In any custody matter, it is incumbent upon the trier of the facts to consider any alleged acts of domestic violence committed by one parent against the other, and the failure to do so generally is reversible error. Finkbeiner v Finkbeiner, 270 AD2d 417 2d
11. Mr. Lomtevas attempted to file a motion in Westchester for Pendente Lite asking for Joint Custody. In the case of Anonymous AB v Anonymous DB (2005 NY Slip Op 51730(U)) “Joint custody should not be imposed on parents who do not communicate (see Matter of Diana W. v. Jose X, 296 AD2d 614; Matter of Heintz v. Heintz, 275 AD2d 971; who are unwilling or unable to cooperate (see Bliss v. Ach, 56 NY2d 995; Amari v. Molloy, 293 AD2d 431; who are unwilling or unable to set aside their personal differences (see Webster v. Webster, 283 AD2d 732; Matter of Meres v. Botsch, 260 AD2d 757, and work together for the good of the children.” Exhibit - G
12. Mr. Lomtevas did not zealously litigate on my behalf to keep the Divorce case in Westchester by exposing the fraud that has taken place thus far in my custody case in Richmond County Family Court.
13. Mr. Lomtevas suggested that I voluntarily give up custody of my children “They will come running back to you if they think you gave up, Ms. Bridge will jump all over that (as he placed his hand upon the phone) do you want me to call her now?”
14. Mr. Lomtevas is himself an alienated parent, and is very familiar with Parent Alienation as what is recommended and what is bad advice.
15. Mr. Lomtevas, Ms. Catherine Bridge esq., and Judge Barbara Panepinto agreed behind closed doors not to consolidate the custody case into the Divorce via a motion to modify custody, against my wishes, and against Chief Judge Judith Kaye‘s phrase “One Family, One Court, One Judge.”
16. Mr. Lomtevas tried desperately to get me to agree to allow Judge Panepinto to hear the case, after I adamantly refused. It was in violation of Judicial Cannons. #
17. Mr. Lomtevas refused to add Mr. L. M. Argenziano’s live in girl-friend Aggie Panepinto to the motion for Judge Panepinto to recuse herself. Exhibit- H
18. Mr. Lomtevas did not object to Ms. Bridge putting a 2001 withdrawn “O” petition onto the record in this court, contrary to the court rules . Mr. Lomtevas refused to entertain my request to file a motion for collateral estoppel. "The equitable doctrine of collateral estoppel is intended to reduce litigation and conserve the resources of the court and litigants." (Matter of Juan C. v Cortines, 89 NY2d 659, 667 [1997]) Exhibit B “withdrawn” Order of Protection in Ms. Bridges own words.
19. Mr. Lomtevas wrote a motion to be sent to this court. In the motion dated 1/21/08 draft Pendente Lite Motion, page 12 (b) “The Plaintiff shall have supervised visitation with the unemancipated children of the marriage (children’s names) and that the father shall participate in all supervised visits.” That would have been in direct conflict of my order of protection. Mr. Lomtevas spent a week arguing this issue with me.
20. Mr.L. M. Argenziano is a physical and emotional abuser, supervised visits for the family given Mr. Argenziano’s relentless Domestic Violence and Parent Alienation would only make the situation worse. “When therapy was instituted without a change of custody, however, the alienation often became more severe and the situation deteriorated.” From Father What Father, Parent Alienation and it’s effects on Children.
21. In an attempt to compromise with Mr. Lomtevas I suggested that if we just remove Mr. L. M. Argenziano from the supervised visits, I would reluctantly agree. Exhibit I
22. Mr. Lomtevas then forewarned me that we would lose that motion. He then asked me to sign a waiver before he would entertain removing Mr. L. M. Argenziano from “family therapy” I agreed and sent an email forgiving Mr. Lomtevas if that motion failed.
Exhibit - J
23. Expecting a modified motion without Mr. Argenzinao included in the “family therapy” Mr. Lomtevas instead sent me the motion that was before this court on March 19, 2008.
24. Mr. Lomtevas refused to ask Mr. Argenziano in Discovery for the Order that voided Mr. Argenziano’s back child support of over $38K owed to me which disappeared behind closed doors.
25. Mr. Lomtevas stated “I’m not going to ask for a four year old F case in discovery.”
26. Said four year old F case and the final Child Support Order against me entered while Mr. Argenziano had an open Child Support Case owed to me is in stark contrast to the law. Matter of Frances W. v Steven M. (2007 NY Slip Op 27117) (Riggs v Palmer, supra at 512.) In Riggs, the Court was confronted with a situation in which a grandfather, who had left his grandson a substantial portion of his estate in his last will and testament, was murdered by that grandson. (Id. at 511-513.) Invoking the maxim that "[n]o one shall be permitted to profit by his own fraud, or to take advantage of his own wrong, or to found any claim upon his own iniquity, or to acquire property by his own crime" (id. at 511)
27. Mr. Lomtevas in his latest order has still not asked for Supervised visitation for Mr. Argenziano in contrast to case law. Matter of Frances W. v Steven M. (2007 NY Slip Op 27117) The judge presiding over that action, apparently concluding that the allegations of sexual abuse were baseless, eventually adjourned the case in contemplation of dismissal, granted the respondent supervised visitation with his [*4] daughter, and issued a temporary order of protection on Melissa's behalf.
28. Mr. Lomtevas is a brilliant attorney, he is well aware of the laws not only in New York but in numerous States. It makes no sense why he was advising me against case law CPLR and DRL. Mr. Lomtevas must have been pressured to get me to agree to advice
contrary to the law, that was in fact, in favor of Mr. Argenziano, perhaps because of Mr. Argenziano’s political and romantic connections to the Panepintos.
29. I believe that Mr. Lomtevas and Dr. Monty Wienstein are asking to be relieved because of excessive internal pressure. Exhibit- K
30. Mr. Lomtevas must have been pressured to keep the circumstances of the fraudulent custody change off the record in a modified custody order to show cause.
31. Mr. Lomtevas is efficient and meticulous yet the last motion filed by him was 15 days late. I noted that Ms. Bridge was excused for her not filing an answer yet to the Summons and Complaint she received over a year ago, by Mr. Lomtevas due to his being 15 days late.
32. Mr. Lomtevas has failed at getting me to agree to go along with the contradictory to law advice. I firmly believe he is asking to be relieved because he was either encouraged or warned not to win this case, return my children, or expose the fraud.
33. In November 2008 I sent a letter to The Office of Judicial Conduct as well as the DOJ Office of Professional Responsibility, forewarning that if this case were to stay in Richmond County I will not get justice. I have asked for a review of the complaint sent to the FBI of alleged child pornography in my estranged husband’s home and a striking appearance of corruption thus far in the Uccio v Argenziano legal kidnapping disguised as a custody case.
34. I stated in those letters that I feel the Uccio v Argenziano Divorce/Custody case has been pre decided, because of internal political connections as the Garson cases were.
35. I asked Hon. Philip Minardo to please have this case transferred to a special judge. I stated that this case being heard in Richmond County was a conflict of interest.
36. I asked the Richmond County District Attorney to refer this case to special counsel.
37. Mr. Lomtevas and Dr. Monty are aware of these letters, yet advised me against asking this honorable court to recuse itself instead of having the preliminary conference despite my fears of having the Divorce heard in Richmond County.
38. I forewarned Mr. Lomtevas in June 2007, that having this case heard in Richmond County was feeding me into the belly of the beast. To grant Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved after his securing exclusive continued jurisdiction with this honorable court would be a further miscarriage of justice.
39. The Uccio v Argenziano case has surpassed the appearance of impropriety and has entered into the realm of a scandal. Relieving Mr. Lomtevas at this point would only confirm this in the eye of any person of reasonable mind.
40. If this honorable court grants Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved as counsel, I will be at a total disadvantage as I have for years, through no fault of my own.
41. The fault lies in Mr. Lomtevas’ seeking to advise me to agree to strategies that not only contradict what has been well settled in the courts and are in opposition of rules and procedures but were contradictory to judicial canons as well.
42. I suffer from Complex PTSD from years of Domestic Violence, including the legal kidnapping of my children, and can not work, therefore I can not obtain new counsel.
43. I hired Mr. Lomtevas on borrowed money so that I could regain custody of my children and get a divorce from my abusive husband. I do not have access to borrow any other monies to hire new counsel. Mr. Lomtevas’ withdrawal would have a materially adverse effect on me, not only by further delaying justice, but by leaving me without the financial means to retain new counsel.
44. Mr. Lomtevas strongly suggested that I hire Dr. Weinstien as well, so that Dr Weinstein could explain to the court that I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and not Bi Polar disorder.
45. I had to borrow money to hire Dr. Weinstein as well. He did not get on the stand once, or debunk any forensic evaluations.
46. It now appears that Dr. Weinstein’s wife being a Judge in Richmond County has cost me a professional evaluator as well. I am now at a disadvantage and $3,000 in debt. I believe this is because of co counsels pressure and or other internal pressure. However I had retained Dr. Wienstien before his wife became a judge.
47. I respectfully ask that this honorable court consolidate Mr. Lomtevas’ Pendete Lite motion dated to be heard March 19, 2008, modified Pendete Lite motion dated to be heard May 21, 2008, and this motion, as one motion for an order to show cause to modify custody in opposition of Mr. Lomtevas’ request to be relieved,. I then pray this honorable court will address the over-turned ACS case, the continued domestic violence, the Parent Alienation, the child support arrears both owed to me that vanished in 2004,
as well as the child support that was procured by fraud and awarded to Mr. Argenziano.
I further pray this court addresses the need for Mr. Argenziano to have supervised visitation with the children after the children have been deprogrammed and Mr. Argenziano has had therapy/counseling/classes to address Domestic Violence and his
Alienating behaviors. Mr Argenziano has profited from his fraud at the expense of me and my children’s emotional/physical health long enough.
48. As for the allegation that Mr. Lomtevas was attacked by me and my entourage outside Supreme Court on March 19, 2006. That statement is outrageous. Mr. Lomtevas, Dr Weinstein and myself did discuss my wanting an Emergency Order to Show Cause, and the continued misleading tactics attempted by Ms. Bridge that day in court, but there was never anything that could have been construed or twisted into one thinking there was an attack on anyone. Exhibit (s) L 1- 3
49. Mr. Lomtevas has submitted quite a volumous summons and complaint for this Divorce and to have me litigate that pro se would not only be an abdication of justice but a waste of the courts time as I fumbled through trying to understand what Mr. Lomtevas has laid out before this honorable court.
50. None of the above requests can be construed as frivolous, on the contrary, omitting any one of them would be further preclusion of critical evidence.
Therefore I respectfully request this honorable court deny Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved and allow Mr. Lomtevas the opportunity to zealously litigate this case as I am positive he can without fear of being sanctioned.
I pray this honorable court puts an end to the continued eradication of my and my children’s constitutional rights, the Domestic Violence, the Parent Alienation and destruction of innocent children lives. Starting today, by denying Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved as counsel and ending the, apparent corruption, obstruction of justice and fraud that this case has been based on for years.
EXHIBITS -
1. A critical false Administration of Children’s Services indicated case was deceptively precluded from the record.
2. The over turned deceptively precluded “indicated” ACS case should render Mr. Argenziano’s fraudulent
custody void ab initio and in need of being vacated according to CPLR 5015, it was insulting to have Mr.
Lomtevas insist it wasn’t worthy of modified custody.
3. On July 12, 2006 I wrote a letter to Sherill Spatz about the difficulties I was having obtaining access to my children.
Ms. Spatz directed me to Ann Marie Jolly Esq., whos experience consists of :
Legal counsel to the Office of Children and Family.
Deputy chief court attorney serving under Judge Joseph Lauria The Administrative Judge of Family Courts within New York City.
Assisting the Chief Court Attorney in supervising, developing policy and administering the operations of the Court Attorney law department.
Her responsibilities also include providing initial and ongoing legal training and education for court attorneys.
*Court Attorney Referee.
When I explained the trouble I was having getting my case heard in Family Court despite my including the over turned ACS case. She suggested that if I had to staple it to the motion to modify custody for it to be seen then that was what I should do.
4. Canon 1. A Judge Should Uphold the Integrity and Independence of the Judiciary
An independent and honorable judiciary is indispensable to justice in our society. A judge should participate in
establishing, maintaining, and enforcing, and should personally observe, high standards of conduct so that the
integrity and independence of the judiciary may be preserved. The provisions of this Code should be construed and
applied to further that objective.
Canon 2. A Judge Should Avoid Impropriety and the Appearance of Impropriety in All Activities
Judicial Cannon 2a
The test for appearance of impropriety is whether the conduct would create in reasonable minds, with knowledge of
all the relevant circumstances that a reasonable inquiry would disclose, a perception that the judge's ability to carry
out judicial responsibilities with integrity, impartiality, and competence is impaired.
Judicial cannon 2b
A judge should avoid lending the prestige of judicial office for the advancement of the private interests of the judge or others. For example, a judge should not use the judge's judicial position to gain advantage in litigation involving a
friend or a member of the judge's family. In contracts for publication of a judge's writings, a judge should retain control over the advertising to avoid exploitation of the judge's office.
Commentary: Public confidence in the judiciary is eroded by irresponsible or improper conduct by judges. A judge
must avoid all impropriety and appearance of impropriety and must expect to be the subject of constant public
scrutiny. A judge must therefore accept restrictions on personal conduct that might be viewed as burdensome by the
ordinary citizen and should do so freely and willingly.
# Originally published in volume 38, issue 1 of the Family Law Review (Spring 2006), a publication of the Family
Law Section of the New York State Bar Association. Ellis, Clawar, Dunne & Hedrick & Ranskopetski supra n.55.
Respectfully submitted,
Louise Uccio
From - nyc attorney said...
"Oh Yes! you got it right the DICTATORS in BLACK ROBES! As an attorney I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut. What a judge wants he gets one way or the other. This is the case even if I have to throw the client under the bus. As far a the pay raise goes, screw them! Remember about pay back judges!"
So tell me what do I tell my children?
I could say ... Although I always adored and wanted you in my life since the day you were born, your father Mr. Louis M Argenziano through his political connection- to JOSEPH PANEPINTO and Joseph's wife JUDGE BARBARA PANEPINTO, Supreme Court Judge in the Matrimonial part in Richmond County, probably told every one of my attorneys to throw me under the bus so that you kids could be [il]legally kidnapped. So far mommy cant get Due Process and our civil and constitutional rights have been eradicated.
One has to wonder if that's why you guys are being raised by AGGIE PANEPINTO and told your mother abandoned you and didn't love you, and not by your loving and very able REAL MOTHER who will fight the panepinto connection until someone ends this fraud and abuse of power, and gives you guys back to me.
THEY (anyone involved in the [il]legal kidnapping of my children) SHOULD ALL GET HIT BY BUSES AND BE PERMANANTLY MANGLED THEN LIVE AGONIZING LIVES LIKE I DID BECAUSE OF THEM!
Below is my Opposition to My latest Attorneys Motion to be Relieved "Due to confidential reasons- because of attorney client privilege" The Opposition is to be heard on May 21, in Judge Silbers court room in the homeport in Richmond County, anyone that want's to see this drama play out contact me and I'll tell you what time you can watch this live...
SUPREME COURT STATE OF NEW YORK
COUNTY OF RICHMOND
-------------------------------------------------------x
LOUISE UCCIO INDEX#: 50822/2007
Plaintiff
-against-
AFFIDAVIT IN OPPOSITION OF
MOTION TO BE RELIEVED AS
COUNSEL
LOUIS M ARGENZIANO,
Defendant
-------------------------------------------------------x
JUSTICE DEBRA SILBER
STATE OF NEW YORK )
) SS:
COUNTY OF RICHMOND)
I, LOUISE UCCIO, am asking that the court deny Mr. Peter C. Lomtevas Esq. his motion to be relieved as counsel. I have reason to believe that Mr. Lomtevas has been frightened off this case. The alleged breakdown in communication as a pretext for asking to be relieved is in fact a realistic fear of reprisal on Mr. Lomtevas’ part should he accurately relay to this court the underlying malfeasance and misconduct by officers of the court which resulted in the court condoning obstruction of justice and interference with custodial relationship under color of law since 2001.
1. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that I was denied a full and fair opportunity to keep custody of my children.
1. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that I was denied a full and fair opportunity to keep custody of my children.
2. Mr Lomtevas was aware that I was labeled a dangerous drug addict yet denied drug testing on numerous occasions. My voluntary negative hair drug test was precluded.
Exhibit- A(1) A(2) A(3) A(4)
3. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that I was unlawfully kept from my children by the Richmond County Family Court with no contact for eighteen months in 2003 leading up to a coerced change in custody. Exhibit- B (Pages 1-7)
4. Mr. Lomtevas knew the coerced stipulation of the custody change was due to a combination of deceptive preclusion of critical evidence # as well as my trusting Mr. Acunzo who was not ethically representing an innocent mother unaware of the fraud being perpetrated to legally kidnap her children. Exhibit- C(1), C(2), C(3)
5. Mr. Lomtevas was aware that the deceptively precluded false “indicated” ACS was over- turned in my favor in 2006, yet he refused to add any of the above information into the motion to modify custody. Exhibit - D
6. The alleged breakdown in communication Mr. Lomtevas may be referring to began when Mr. Lomtevas adamantly refused to use the over-turned ACS case to show that the conditions have changed substantially since the last custody order.
7. Mr. Lomtevas insisted that was not a substantial change in circumstance worthy of modified custody. Mr. Lomtevas stated that he would be sanctioned for “spouting bull” if he were to use that in the motion.# Pursuant to CPLR 5015 Mr. L. M Argenziano’s fraudulent custody order need only be vacated as it is and has been void ab initio. Exhibit- E
8. I assured Mr. Lomtevas I was positive an overturning of a false abuse case is an overwhelming substantial change in circumstances. I told Mr. Lomtevas that information, was confirmed in a conversation I had in August of 2006 with Ann Marie Jolly esq.#
9. Mr. Lomtevas refused to add the continued breaking of a valid order of protection by Mr. L. M Argenzinao’s using our children, ACS, the courts, the computer/stalking with proof and inconsistent child support calculations, rendering me incarcerated numerous times as his weapons to further destroy me. Mr. L. M Argenzinao did not like the order of visitation for me, from the court, minimal as it was Mr. L M Argenziano has been in contempt of that order for the last five years. Exhibit F - F7
10. Mr. Lomtevas told me that Domestic Violence was only a factor considered in initial custody orders, not in modified custody orders which is contrary to case law and DRL §240. “any other factor deemed relevant to a particular custody dispute; e.g., domestic violence, substance abuse, and/or proposed relocation and its impact on the children.” In this ( K.D. v J.D. (2004 NY Slip Op 50814(U)) case to modify custody) the domestic violence occurring in mother's home and its impact on the children is a most significant factor which the court must consider in reaching a determination as to which outcome would most likely serve the children's best interests.” DRL §240; Samala v. Samala, 309 AD2d 798, 765 NYS2d 523 (2d Dept., 2003); Wissink v. Wissink, 301 AD2d 36, 749 NYS2d 550 (2d Dept., 2002); Bishop v. Livingston, 296 AD2d 602, 745 NYS2d 588 (3d Dept., 2002). Matter of J.G. v B.G. (2005 NY Slip Op 51413(U)) In any custody matter, it is incumbent upon the trier of the facts to consider any alleged acts of domestic violence committed by one parent against the other, and the failure to do so generally is reversible error. Finkbeiner v Finkbeiner, 270 AD2d 417 2d
11. Mr. Lomtevas attempted to file a motion in Westchester for Pendente Lite asking for Joint Custody. In the case of Anonymous AB v Anonymous DB (2005 NY Slip Op 51730(U)) “Joint custody should not be imposed on parents who do not communicate (see Matter of Diana W. v. Jose X, 296 AD2d 614; Matter of Heintz v. Heintz, 275 AD2d 971; who are unwilling or unable to cooperate (see Bliss v. Ach, 56 NY2d 995; Amari v. Molloy, 293 AD2d 431; who are unwilling or unable to set aside their personal differences (see Webster v. Webster, 283 AD2d 732; Matter of Meres v. Botsch, 260 AD2d 757, and work together for the good of the children.” Exhibit - G
12. Mr. Lomtevas did not zealously litigate on my behalf to keep the Divorce case in Westchester by exposing the fraud that has taken place thus far in my custody case in Richmond County Family Court.
13. Mr. Lomtevas suggested that I voluntarily give up custody of my children “They will come running back to you if they think you gave up, Ms. Bridge will jump all over that (as he placed his hand upon the phone) do you want me to call her now?”
14. Mr. Lomtevas is himself an alienated parent, and is very familiar with Parent Alienation as what is recommended and what is bad advice.
15. Mr. Lomtevas, Ms. Catherine Bridge esq., and Judge Barbara Panepinto agreed behind closed doors not to consolidate the custody case into the Divorce via a motion to modify custody, against my wishes, and against Chief Judge Judith Kaye‘s phrase “One Family, One Court, One Judge.”
16. Mr. Lomtevas tried desperately to get me to agree to allow Judge Panepinto to hear the case, after I adamantly refused. It was in violation of Judicial Cannons. #
17. Mr. Lomtevas refused to add Mr. L. M. Argenziano’s live in girl-friend Aggie Panepinto to the motion for Judge Panepinto to recuse herself. Exhibit- H
18. Mr. Lomtevas did not object to Ms. Bridge putting a 2001 withdrawn “O” petition onto the record in this court, contrary to the court rules . Mr. Lomtevas refused to entertain my request to file a motion for collateral estoppel. "The equitable doctrine of collateral estoppel is intended to reduce litigation and conserve the resources of the court and litigants." (Matter of Juan C. v Cortines, 89 NY2d 659, 667 [1997]) Exhibit B “withdrawn” Order of Protection in Ms. Bridges own words.
19. Mr. Lomtevas wrote a motion to be sent to this court. In the motion dated 1/21/08 draft Pendente Lite Motion, page 12 (b) “The Plaintiff shall have supervised visitation with the unemancipated children of the marriage (children’s names) and that the father shall participate in all supervised visits.” That would have been in direct conflict of my order of protection. Mr. Lomtevas spent a week arguing this issue with me.
20. Mr.L. M. Argenziano is a physical and emotional abuser, supervised visits for the family given Mr. Argenziano’s relentless Domestic Violence and Parent Alienation would only make the situation worse. “When therapy was instituted without a change of custody, however, the alienation often became more severe and the situation deteriorated.” From Father What Father, Parent Alienation and it’s effects on Children.
21. In an attempt to compromise with Mr. Lomtevas I suggested that if we just remove Mr. L. M. Argenziano from the supervised visits, I would reluctantly agree. Exhibit I
22. Mr. Lomtevas then forewarned me that we would lose that motion. He then asked me to sign a waiver before he would entertain removing Mr. L. M. Argenziano from “family therapy” I agreed and sent an email forgiving Mr. Lomtevas if that motion failed.
Exhibit - J
23. Expecting a modified motion without Mr. Argenzinao included in the “family therapy” Mr. Lomtevas instead sent me the motion that was before this court on March 19, 2008.
24. Mr. Lomtevas refused to ask Mr. Argenziano in Discovery for the Order that voided Mr. Argenziano’s back child support of over $38K owed to me which disappeared behind closed doors.
25. Mr. Lomtevas stated “I’m not going to ask for a four year old F case in discovery.”
26. Said four year old F case and the final Child Support Order against me entered while Mr. Argenziano had an open Child Support Case owed to me is in stark contrast to the law. Matter of Frances W. v Steven M. (2007 NY Slip Op 27117) (Riggs v Palmer, supra at 512.) In Riggs, the Court was confronted with a situation in which a grandfather, who had left his grandson a substantial portion of his estate in his last will and testament, was murdered by that grandson. (Id. at 511-513.) Invoking the maxim that "[n]o one shall be permitted to profit by his own fraud, or to take advantage of his own wrong, or to found any claim upon his own iniquity, or to acquire property by his own crime" (id. at 511)
27. Mr. Lomtevas in his latest order has still not asked for Supervised visitation for Mr. Argenziano in contrast to case law. Matter of Frances W. v Steven M. (2007 NY Slip Op 27117) The judge presiding over that action, apparently concluding that the allegations of sexual abuse were baseless, eventually adjourned the case in contemplation of dismissal, granted the respondent supervised visitation with his [*4] daughter, and issued a temporary order of protection on Melissa's behalf.
28. Mr. Lomtevas is a brilliant attorney, he is well aware of the laws not only in New York but in numerous States. It makes no sense why he was advising me against case law CPLR and DRL. Mr. Lomtevas must have been pressured to get me to agree to advice
contrary to the law, that was in fact, in favor of Mr. Argenziano, perhaps because of Mr. Argenziano’s political and romantic connections to the Panepintos.
29. I believe that Mr. Lomtevas and Dr. Monty Wienstein are asking to be relieved because of excessive internal pressure. Exhibit- K
30. Mr. Lomtevas must have been pressured to keep the circumstances of the fraudulent custody change off the record in a modified custody order to show cause.
31. Mr. Lomtevas is efficient and meticulous yet the last motion filed by him was 15 days late. I noted that Ms. Bridge was excused for her not filing an answer yet to the Summons and Complaint she received over a year ago, by Mr. Lomtevas due to his being 15 days late.
32. Mr. Lomtevas has failed at getting me to agree to go along with the contradictory to law advice. I firmly believe he is asking to be relieved because he was either encouraged or warned not to win this case, return my children, or expose the fraud.
33. In November 2008 I sent a letter to The Office of Judicial Conduct as well as the DOJ Office of Professional Responsibility, forewarning that if this case were to stay in Richmond County I will not get justice. I have asked for a review of the complaint sent to the FBI of alleged child pornography in my estranged husband’s home and a striking appearance of corruption thus far in the Uccio v Argenziano legal kidnapping disguised as a custody case.
34. I stated in those letters that I feel the Uccio v Argenziano Divorce/Custody case has been pre decided, because of internal political connections as the Garson cases were.
35. I asked Hon. Philip Minardo to please have this case transferred to a special judge. I stated that this case being heard in Richmond County was a conflict of interest.
36. I asked the Richmond County District Attorney to refer this case to special counsel.
37. Mr. Lomtevas and Dr. Monty are aware of these letters, yet advised me against asking this honorable court to recuse itself instead of having the preliminary conference despite my fears of having the Divorce heard in Richmond County.
38. I forewarned Mr. Lomtevas in June 2007, that having this case heard in Richmond County was feeding me into the belly of the beast. To grant Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved after his securing exclusive continued jurisdiction with this honorable court would be a further miscarriage of justice.
39. The Uccio v Argenziano case has surpassed the appearance of impropriety and has entered into the realm of a scandal. Relieving Mr. Lomtevas at this point would only confirm this in the eye of any person of reasonable mind.
40. If this honorable court grants Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved as counsel, I will be at a total disadvantage as I have for years, through no fault of my own.
41. The fault lies in Mr. Lomtevas’ seeking to advise me to agree to strategies that not only contradict what has been well settled in the courts and are in opposition of rules and procedures but were contradictory to judicial canons as well.
42. I suffer from Complex PTSD from years of Domestic Violence, including the legal kidnapping of my children, and can not work, therefore I can not obtain new counsel.
43. I hired Mr. Lomtevas on borrowed money so that I could regain custody of my children and get a divorce from my abusive husband. I do not have access to borrow any other monies to hire new counsel. Mr. Lomtevas’ withdrawal would have a materially adverse effect on me, not only by further delaying justice, but by leaving me without the financial means to retain new counsel.
44. Mr. Lomtevas strongly suggested that I hire Dr. Weinstien as well, so that Dr Weinstein could explain to the court that I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and not Bi Polar disorder.
45. I had to borrow money to hire Dr. Weinstein as well. He did not get on the stand once, or debunk any forensic evaluations.
46. It now appears that Dr. Weinstein’s wife being a Judge in Richmond County has cost me a professional evaluator as well. I am now at a disadvantage and $3,000 in debt. I believe this is because of co counsels pressure and or other internal pressure. However I had retained Dr. Wienstien before his wife became a judge.
47. I respectfully ask that this honorable court consolidate Mr. Lomtevas’ Pendete Lite motion dated to be heard March 19, 2008, modified Pendete Lite motion dated to be heard May 21, 2008, and this motion, as one motion for an order to show cause to modify custody in opposition of Mr. Lomtevas’ request to be relieved,. I then pray this honorable court will address the over-turned ACS case, the continued domestic violence, the Parent Alienation, the child support arrears both owed to me that vanished in 2004,
as well as the child support that was procured by fraud and awarded to Mr. Argenziano.
I further pray this court addresses the need for Mr. Argenziano to have supervised visitation with the children after the children have been deprogrammed and Mr. Argenziano has had therapy/counseling/classes to address Domestic Violence and his
Alienating behaviors. Mr Argenziano has profited from his fraud at the expense of me and my children’s emotional/physical health long enough.
48. As for the allegation that Mr. Lomtevas was attacked by me and my entourage outside Supreme Court on March 19, 2006. That statement is outrageous. Mr. Lomtevas, Dr Weinstein and myself did discuss my wanting an Emergency Order to Show Cause, and the continued misleading tactics attempted by Ms. Bridge that day in court, but there was never anything that could have been construed or twisted into one thinking there was an attack on anyone. Exhibit (s) L 1- 3
49. Mr. Lomtevas has submitted quite a volumous summons and complaint for this Divorce and to have me litigate that pro se would not only be an abdication of justice but a waste of the courts time as I fumbled through trying to understand what Mr. Lomtevas has laid out before this honorable court.
50. None of the above requests can be construed as frivolous, on the contrary, omitting any one of them would be further preclusion of critical evidence.
Therefore I respectfully request this honorable court deny Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved and allow Mr. Lomtevas the opportunity to zealously litigate this case as I am positive he can without fear of being sanctioned.
I pray this honorable court puts an end to the continued eradication of my and my children’s constitutional rights, the Domestic Violence, the Parent Alienation and destruction of innocent children lives. Starting today, by denying Mr. Lomtevas’ motion to be relieved as counsel and ending the, apparent corruption, obstruction of justice and fraud that this case has been based on for years.
EXHIBITS -
1. A critical false Administration of Children’s Services indicated case was deceptively precluded from the record.
2. The over turned deceptively precluded “indicated” ACS case should render Mr. Argenziano’s fraudulent
custody void ab initio and in need of being vacated according to CPLR 5015, it was insulting to have Mr.
Lomtevas insist it wasn’t worthy of modified custody.
3. On July 12, 2006 I wrote a letter to Sherill Spatz about the difficulties I was having obtaining access to my children.
Ms. Spatz directed me to Ann Marie Jolly Esq., whos experience consists of :
Legal counsel to the Office of Children and Family.
Deputy chief court attorney serving under Judge Joseph Lauria The Administrative Judge of Family Courts within New York City.
Assisting the Chief Court Attorney in supervising, developing policy and administering the operations of the Court Attorney law department.
Her responsibilities also include providing initial and ongoing legal training and education for court attorneys.
*Court Attorney Referee.
When I explained the trouble I was having getting my case heard in Family Court despite my including the over turned ACS case. She suggested that if I had to staple it to the motion to modify custody for it to be seen then that was what I should do.
4. Canon 1. A Judge Should Uphold the Integrity and Independence of the Judiciary
An independent and honorable judiciary is indispensable to justice in our society. A judge should participate in
establishing, maintaining, and enforcing, and should personally observe, high standards of conduct so that the
integrity and independence of the judiciary may be preserved. The provisions of this Code should be construed and
applied to further that objective.
Canon 2. A Judge Should Avoid Impropriety and the Appearance of Impropriety in All Activities
Judicial Cannon 2a
The test for appearance of impropriety is whether the conduct would create in reasonable minds, with knowledge of
all the relevant circumstances that a reasonable inquiry would disclose, a perception that the judge's ability to carry
out judicial responsibilities with integrity, impartiality, and competence is impaired.
Judicial cannon 2b
A judge should avoid lending the prestige of judicial office for the advancement of the private interests of the judge or others. For example, a judge should not use the judge's judicial position to gain advantage in litigation involving a
friend or a member of the judge's family. In contracts for publication of a judge's writings, a judge should retain control over the advertising to avoid exploitation of the judge's office.
Commentary: Public confidence in the judiciary is eroded by irresponsible or improper conduct by judges. A judge
must avoid all impropriety and appearance of impropriety and must expect to be the subject of constant public
scrutiny. A judge must therefore accept restrictions on personal conduct that might be viewed as burdensome by the
ordinary citizen and should do so freely and willingly.
# Originally published in volume 38, issue 1 of the Family Law Review (Spring 2006), a publication of the Family
Law Section of the New York State Bar Association. Ellis, Clawar, Dunne & Hedrick & Ranskopetski supra n.55.
Respectfully submitted,
Louise Uccio
31 of 53 teen girls at FLDS ranch are pregnant or had baby
SAN ANTONIO - More than half the teen girls taken from a polygamist compound in west Texas have children or are pregnant, state officials said Monday.
A total of 53 girls between the ages of 14 and 17 are in state custody after a raid 3 1/2 weeks ago at the Yearning For Zion Ranch in Eldorado. Of those girls, 31 either have children or are pregnant, said Child Protective Services spokesman Darrell Azar. Two of those are pregnant now, he said; it was unclear whether either of those two already have children.
"It shows you a pretty distinct pattern, that it was pretty pervasive," he said.
State officials took custody of all 463 children at the ranch controlled by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, saying a pattern of teen girls forced into underage "spiritual" marriages and sex with much older men created an unsafe environment for the sect's children.
Under Texas law, children under the age of 17 generally cannot consent to sex with an adult. A girl can get married with parental permission at 16, but none of these girls is believed to have a legal marriage under state law.
A call seeking comment from FLDS spokesman Rod Parker was not immediately returned. Church officials have denied that any children were abused at the ranch and say the state's actions are a form of religious persecution.
Civil-liberties groups and lawyers for the children have criticized the state for sweeping all the children, from nursing infants to teen boys, into foster care when only teen girls are alleged to have been sexually abused.
No one has been charged since the raid, which was prompted by a series of calls to a domestic abuse hotline, purportedly from a 16-year-old forced into a marriage recognized only by the sect with a man three times her age. That girl has not been found and authorities are investigating whether the call was a hoax.
On Monday, CPS also revised its total count of children in state custody to 463, up one from Friday. Azar said the change resulted from finally getting the children out of the San Angelo Coliseum and into foster facilities around the state, where they were able to get a more accurate count.
Of those 463 children, 250 are girls and 213 are boys.
The sect, which broke from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints more than a century ago, believes polygamy brings glorification in heaven. Its leader, Warren Jeffs, is revered as a prophet. Jeffs was convicted last year in Utah of forcing a 14-year-old girl into marriage with an older cousin.
A total of 53 girls between the ages of 14 and 17 are in state custody after a raid 3 1/2 weeks ago at the Yearning For Zion Ranch in Eldorado. Of those girls, 31 either have children or are pregnant, said Child Protective Services spokesman Darrell Azar. Two of those are pregnant now, he said; it was unclear whether either of those two already have children.
"It shows you a pretty distinct pattern, that it was pretty pervasive," he said.
State officials took custody of all 463 children at the ranch controlled by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, saying a pattern of teen girls forced into underage "spiritual" marriages and sex with much older men created an unsafe environment for the sect's children.
Under Texas law, children under the age of 17 generally cannot consent to sex with an adult. A girl can get married with parental permission at 16, but none of these girls is believed to have a legal marriage under state law.
A call seeking comment from FLDS spokesman Rod Parker was not immediately returned. Church officials have denied that any children were abused at the ranch and say the state's actions are a form of religious persecution.
Civil-liberties groups and lawyers for the children have criticized the state for sweeping all the children, from nursing infants to teen boys, into foster care when only teen girls are alleged to have been sexually abused.
No one has been charged since the raid, which was prompted by a series of calls to a domestic abuse hotline, purportedly from a 16-year-old forced into a marriage recognized only by the sect with a man three times her age. That girl has not been found and authorities are investigating whether the call was a hoax.
On Monday, CPS also revised its total count of children in state custody to 463, up one from Friday. Azar said the change resulted from finally getting the children out of the San Angelo Coliseum and into foster facilities around the state, where they were able to get a more accurate count.
Of those 463 children, 250 are girls and 213 are boys.
The sect, which broke from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints more than a century ago, believes polygamy brings glorification in heaven. Its leader, Warren Jeffs, is revered as a prophet. Jeffs was convicted last year in Utah of forcing a 14-year-old girl into marriage with an older cousin.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Just Realizing I was a Victim of Parent Alienation Syndrome
Often, something that someone was searching for when they found my blog catches my eye.
This morning I came across this-
Search Words
"30 and just realizing i was a victim of parental alienation syndrome"
I want to add my two cents in here...
I am now 40++++ ok shushhh I'm up there and sadly I figured out in the last two years that I too was not only a victim of PAS as a child, I watched my grandmother suffer from being a victim of being alienated from her other set of grandchildren for my entire life.
I had no clue what was going on nor would I have ever figured it out if my own children had not been alienated from me.
However, I wish it were that simple, we would all know immediately everything there is to know and we would clearly see we were alienated.
That's NOT the way it goes.. it took me YEARS of research to know I was an alienated adult child of a vindictive narcissist mother.. yet it would be years later until I figured out that my grandmother was also a victim of alienation and that my father was to passive to understand it or counter it.
Even more interesting is ... the cycle of abuse.. is without a doubt MULTI GENERATIONAL!
In order to even grasp the concept of the totality of what dysfunctional family dynamics are about I had to DEEPLY research personality disorders. When I say deeply I mean TRULY READ EVERY WORD OUT THERE on issues such as -
The personality traits of the cluster B group disorders-
(This was my starting point, once I figured out this was personality related)
Personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The DSM-IV lists ten personality disorders, grouped into three clusters. The DSM also contains a ...
Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic disorders) ...
Antisocial personality disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Histrionic personality disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder
Then, if only that would have been enough.. NOT!
I had to understand what kind of adult children those with the above personality disorders end up raising .. That led me to these ..
Cluster C (anxious or fearful disorders)
Avoidant personality disorder
Dependent personality disorder (not the same as Dysthymia)
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as Obsessive-compulsive disorder)
Now let me say I've always had an interest in psychology. As an abused child, I wanted to grow up and save the other children that were being abused by their parents.
I wanted to be a child psychologist. Sadly my needy narcissist mother had other plans and I was working by 12 so that we had food to eat. She had hooked up with another abuser (Imagine that?) and he had broken her leg, so she couldn't work. Well, after that she became a drug addict ehhh it is what it is.
Nonetheless, I wanted to "help" all those other children out there so they didn't suffer like I did. But I never got past 8th grade, then my own issues from being an abused child surfaced and I got myself into stuff other than school and well, today I have a 28 year old that kept me busy, and I never did get that education I needed in order to be a child psychologist...
Well, not in the formal setting anyway.
On that note, I would like to say to any other child advocates out there, or any teen or young adult that happens across this page...
Please don't let what I've learned through self education, go to waste.
Take my advice and study personality disorders- study them until you have read the same thing and can recite it in your sleep! Then move on to anther authors version of the same issue. Do this until you begin to notice personalities and can figure out their past, present and future before they ever give you the gory details.
I promise you, if you have found this blog, you are dealing with one or more dysfunctional, abusive, manipulating personalities and until you get a handle on your role in the "dance" they will suck the life out of you!
Save this page and when and if you take my advice ... come back and let me know how that turned out for you and how your life has changed!
In the mean time, I had written most of this blog this morning and when I came back to the computer I began reading some emails before getting back to this and I laughed as I read the article below..
FINALLY, people are agreeing that personality disorders are at the core of an alternators malfunction! Sadly tho, I'm not sure the courts care what happens to children being raised by those with malignant narcissism, or psychopaths because if they did EVERY alienate would be forced into therapy and every child showing signs of PAS would be deprogrammed and then put into the proper therapy needed to help these children become healthy functioning adults in our society.
Funny enough, although the domestic violence groups that adamantly insist that PA/PAS is fake science are actually setting up future generations of abusers and victims....
You might also benefit from reading about enmeshed families, emotional incest and so on ...
Below is an article on PAS and Stockholm syndrome, in that article I also found this ..
"For additional information on abusive partners, I’d recommend reading my introduction to personality disorders on this website. You may also consider my article on Love and Stockholm Syndrom, also on this website."
Difference Between Parent Alienation and Stockholm Syndrome
Happy Reading ...
This morning I came across this-
Search Words
"30 and just realizing i was a victim of parental alienation syndrome"
I want to add my two cents in here...
I am now 40++++ ok shushhh I'm up there and sadly I figured out in the last two years that I too was not only a victim of PAS as a child, I watched my grandmother suffer from being a victim of being alienated from her other set of grandchildren for my entire life.
I had no clue what was going on nor would I have ever figured it out if my own children had not been alienated from me.
However, I wish it were that simple, we would all know immediately everything there is to know and we would clearly see we were alienated.
That's NOT the way it goes.. it took me YEARS of research to know I was an alienated adult child of a vindictive narcissist mother.. yet it would be years later until I figured out that my grandmother was also a victim of alienation and that my father was to passive to understand it or counter it.
Even more interesting is ... the cycle of abuse.. is without a doubt MULTI GENERATIONAL!
In order to even grasp the concept of the totality of what dysfunctional family dynamics are about I had to DEEPLY research personality disorders. When I say deeply I mean TRULY READ EVERY WORD OUT THERE on issues such as -
The personality traits of the cluster B group disorders-
(This was my starting point, once I figured out this was personality related)
Personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The DSM-IV lists ten personality disorders, grouped into three clusters. The DSM also contains a ...
Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic disorders) ...
Antisocial personality disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Histrionic personality disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder
Then, if only that would have been enough.. NOT!
I had to understand what kind of adult children those with the above personality disorders end up raising .. That led me to these ..
Cluster C (anxious or fearful disorders)
Avoidant personality disorder
Dependent personality disorder (not the same as Dysthymia)
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as Obsessive-compulsive disorder)
Now let me say I've always had an interest in psychology. As an abused child, I wanted to grow up and save the other children that were being abused by their parents.
I wanted to be a child psychologist. Sadly my needy narcissist mother had other plans and I was working by 12 so that we had food to eat. She had hooked up with another abuser (Imagine that?) and he had broken her leg, so she couldn't work. Well, after that she became a drug addict ehhh it is what it is.
Nonetheless, I wanted to "help" all those other children out there so they didn't suffer like I did. But I never got past 8th grade, then my own issues from being an abused child surfaced and I got myself into stuff other than school and well, today I have a 28 year old that kept me busy, and I never did get that education I needed in order to be a child psychologist...
Well, not in the formal setting anyway.
On that note, I would like to say to any other child advocates out there, or any teen or young adult that happens across this page...
Please don't let what I've learned through self education, go to waste.
Take my advice and study personality disorders- study them until you have read the same thing and can recite it in your sleep! Then move on to anther authors version of the same issue. Do this until you begin to notice personalities and can figure out their past, present and future before they ever give you the gory details.
I promise you, if you have found this blog, you are dealing with one or more dysfunctional, abusive, manipulating personalities and until you get a handle on your role in the "dance" they will suck the life out of you!
Save this page and when and if you take my advice ... come back and let me know how that turned out for you and how your life has changed!
In the mean time, I had written most of this blog this morning and when I came back to the computer I began reading some emails before getting back to this and I laughed as I read the article below..
FINALLY, people are agreeing that personality disorders are at the core of an alternators malfunction! Sadly tho, I'm not sure the courts care what happens to children being raised by those with malignant narcissism, or psychopaths because if they did EVERY alienate would be forced into therapy and every child showing signs of PAS would be deprogrammed and then put into the proper therapy needed to help these children become healthy functioning adults in our society.
Funny enough, although the domestic violence groups that adamantly insist that PA/PAS is fake science are actually setting up future generations of abusers and victims....
You might also benefit from reading about enmeshed families, emotional incest and so on ...
Below is an article on PAS and Stockholm syndrome, in that article I also found this ..
"For additional information on abusive partners, I’d recommend reading my introduction to personality disorders on this website. You may also consider my article on Love and Stockholm Syndrom, also on this website."
Difference Between Parent Alienation and Stockholm Syndrome
Happy Reading ...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A deeper look into Dysfuntional Parents and Parent Alienation/Parent Alienation Syndrome
As an alienated parent, and Adult child of alienation and a woman with a dear male friend [person A] that is OVERLY emotionally attached to his mother and brother, I've been trying to sort all of this out.
The relationship I had as a child was similar to the relationship [person A] has with his mother. I was the keeper of my mother, her saviour, her friend, her accomplice.. anything BUT her daughter.
When my estranged husband and I separated, I noticed that he and my daughter had a dysfunctional relationship. Now that I look back and I've learnt a lot, what they have/had, and what my mother and I had (thank god I figured out she was to dysfuntional and I emotionally detached) is/was an emotional insestual relationship!
EXACTLY what [person A] and his mother have!
I've always said that[person A's] mother reminds me of my estranged husband- ABUSIVE, CONTROLING, MANIPULATIVE, OVER BEARING, CONSUMING OF ALL, TROUBLEMAKING, MALIGNANT NARCISSIST!
But today - FINALLY TODAY- I get it!
Here is what helped me figure it all out.. along with hundreds of articles on Parent Alienation and Parent Alienation Syndrome and dysfuntional families as well as hundreds of pages on Malignant Narcissists.
Anything in this color are MY words..
Emotional Incest - Too close for comfort?
Reading an article on emotional incest I came across some interesting inter-generational dynamics. Emotional incest was more prevalent in parents with their own challenges and the impact on their children seemed to have some interesting implications for social-emotional interaction patterns in their children. Could ASD parents be more at risk of emotional incest which in turn exacerbates issues commonly identified with adults with Asperger’s?Interestingly, in our progressively more single parent society, emotional incest was more likely to develop in single parent families, where one or both parents has a developmental, psychiatric or emotional ‘disorder’, or is displaced or controlled by another family member or used substitute babysitters such as the TV.
It can result in issues as vast as identity conflict, chronic anger, a sense of life being meaningless, obsessions and compulsions, learning disabilities, anxiety disorders, attachment disorders, separation anxiety, addictions, depression, anhedonia, suicide…..
In the case of father-daughter emotional incest, disenfranchised fathers compensate by becoming emotionally over involved with their daughters. The emotional cost of father-daughter emotional incest includes stress and anxiety disorders, mental and physical illness, identity disorders and underdeveloped and confused sense of identity and depression.
I wonder if my daughter see's the emotional dysfuntion between her and her father? I'm 40++++ and I finally figured it out today- so I'll guess the answer to that is NO! However, if she ever comes across this page, I wonder if she will be open minded enough to see the problem and get help so she can enjoy the rest of her life without the problems that are associated with this kind of child abuse.
I also wonder if my son's will see the dysfuntional relationships they are in as they get older and associate it with the alienating them from me? I pray my son's and my daughter will one day see this article and get the professional help they need to enjoy healthy adult relationships and END THE CYCLE OF ABUSE that BOTH of thier parents came from. (I can say with pride, I've learned a lot and have been healing more and more everyday!)
As adults the daughters are emotionally immature, erratic, unable to sustain functional relationships or end up drawn to those which are unrewarding so keep them involved with their fathers instead. It’s easy to see how this becomes so intergenerational.
But mother-son emotional incest was even more interesting in the context of ASD remarkably resembling some of the emotional-behavioral challenges seen in adults on the spectrum.
Well, I'll be damned!!!
I just clicked the links above and found (this link- looking at the mother-son emotional incest link-> Emotional Incest: Mother's Boys & Little Princes where it proves, I've stumbled onto the right track...
"Emotional incest between fathers and daughters is also common - see Daddy's Little Princess. Solutions for the consequences of toxic parenting are described at Prevent Learning Disabilities and Parental Alienation. For more on coaching family entanglements see Emotional Incest."
Ok I'll let you get back to the original article now...
+ obsess about his mother?
+ acts as if women should serve him?
+ cannot maintain a stable partnership?
+ act like a child … or like a tyrant … or both?
+ brag, lie and boast as he tries to be special?
+ is a narcissist - he demands attention or he leaves?
+ chase women - quantity not happiness is important?
+ have few if any friends, and cannot commit to teamwork?
+ does not care if he damages other people’s relationships?
+ do these things repeatedly but energetically deny them?
+ avoid any form of coaching or counseling on these issues?
from http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/little_prince.htm
This is not to say that those with AS are victims of untreated emotional incest, but given that ASD is a multifaceted condition for which holistic answers address the various components its perhaps worth keeping an open mind whether in our modern society family dynamics are increasing the incidence of emotional incest which ASD parents may be more susceptible to.
Just look at The Jerry Springer show, Dr Phil and and the like, and ask yourself do we still live in the same society we did 10 or 20 years ago.
Interestingly the Supermom syndrome promoted by a progressively pigeon holing, voyeuristic media-dominated society is highly linked with mother-son emotional incest.
Whilst there are certainly attachment disordered children with Reactive Attachment Disorder who have never formed bonds there are equally those damaged by over bonding.
The money spinning Western ‘emotional bonding’ industries making a fortune spreading their new gospel around the world may need to wake up if law suits are to follow for psychological-emotional damages resulting from their related therapies.
When will we learn the Taoist principles that BALANCE means health? That MORE is not necessarily better? When the corporate money spinners and organized moralizer collectives get out of our ears and eyes long enough to stop being our new ‘parents’ so we might get back to having minds of our own?
How much might social dynamics be breeding dysfunctional patterns and contribute to the increase in ASD diagnosis now heading for one in 100 children?
To see how close mother-son emotional incest may resemble or exacerbate ASD challenges, here’s some of the listed consequences:
If people do not appreciate Son’s specialness, Son may attack or withdraw.
Son fears not being special enough and dreads Mother’s rejection. Son may become a model passive good boy to please Mother. Or he may rebel against Mother to please Father - perhaps becoming aggressive or delinquent.
If he swings between these two extremes - he may be diagnosed as passive-aggressive or with bipolar disorder.
Damnit to hell!
I swear this is becoming clearer and clearer with each word I'm reading.. Oh sorry I was thinking out loud... go on ...
Some men feel that they were not properly mothered. They may complain that they were not loved in the right way, or not long enough, or that their mothers were absent or preoccupied with their work. They may have many mother-bonded traits, yet behave like an adult child - age-regressed.
from http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/little_prince.htm
Selective Mutism, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, mood and anxiety disorders and attachment disorders are conditions which commonly complicate the lives of those with ASDs and will be made worse in families which breed emotional incest.
Those who overprotect, take over too soon or constantly outshine the abilities of their as yet developed child will also breed learned dependency, exacerbating any existing learning and developmental disabilities. labeling those with these issues as ’special’ often means we then segregate them, or at least fail to integrate them and often this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Whilst the world searches for genetic causes of ASD and mental emotional challenges, perhaps they should give at least equal weight to searching and identifying the pathological memes that cripple so many people and leave them needlessly burdened only to pass those burdens on to any next generations.
And there you have it- Parent Alienation Parent Alienation Syndrome / Dysfuntional relationships multi generational! Geezzzzzzzzzz My estranged husband's father was the most abusive man I've ever encountered!
http://www.donnawilliams.net/
For those looking for further information, the articles on the following links may make clearer the division between healthy parent-child emotional bonding and emotional incest, here’s a number of links.
http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu/joy_21.htmhttp://www.webheights.net/Growingbey…plove/plei.htm
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=psychlinks05-20&creative=9325&path=http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Incest-Syndrome-Parents-Rules/dp/055335275Xhttp://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=psychlinks05-20&creative=9325&path=http://www.amazon.com/tag/emotional%20incest%20syndromehttp://www.amazon.ca/gp/product//155…303738-3662437
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/codependency_recovery/50739http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Andersen3.html
http://www.menweb.org/gurilee.htm
covert and emotional incest is also mentioned on Wikipedia
and here are 196 medical papers featuring the subject.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q…&dopt=Abstract
Hope someone else opens thier eyes with this article- it surley helped me!
Origianl Article - Emotional Incest - Too close for comfort? Donna Williams’ Blog
It just ALL makes sense NOW!
The relationship I had as a child was similar to the relationship [person A] has with his mother. I was the keeper of my mother, her saviour, her friend, her accomplice.. anything BUT her daughter.
When my estranged husband and I separated, I noticed that he and my daughter had a dysfunctional relationship. Now that I look back and I've learnt a lot, what they have/had, and what my mother and I had (thank god I figured out she was to dysfuntional and I emotionally detached) is/was an emotional insestual relationship!
EXACTLY what [person A] and his mother have!
I've always said that[person A's] mother reminds me of my estranged husband- ABUSIVE, CONTROLING, MANIPULATIVE, OVER BEARING, CONSUMING OF ALL, TROUBLEMAKING, MALIGNANT NARCISSIST!
But today - FINALLY TODAY- I get it!
Here is what helped me figure it all out.. along with hundreds of articles on Parent Alienation and Parent Alienation Syndrome and dysfuntional families as well as hundreds of pages on Malignant Narcissists.
Anything in this color are MY words..
Emotional Incest - Too close for comfort?
Reading an article on emotional incest I came across some interesting inter-generational dynamics. Emotional incest was more prevalent in parents with their own challenges and the impact on their children seemed to have some interesting implications for social-emotional interaction patterns in their children. Could ASD parents be more at risk of emotional incest which in turn exacerbates issues commonly identified with adults with Asperger’s?Interestingly, in our progressively more single parent society, emotional incest was more likely to develop in single parent families, where one or both parents has a developmental, psychiatric or emotional ‘disorder’, or is displaced or controlled by another family member or used substitute babysitters such as the TV.
It can result in issues as vast as identity conflict, chronic anger, a sense of life being meaningless, obsessions and compulsions, learning disabilities, anxiety disorders, attachment disorders, separation anxiety, addictions, depression, anhedonia, suicide…..
In the case of father-daughter emotional incest, disenfranchised fathers compensate by becoming emotionally over involved with their daughters. The emotional cost of father-daughter emotional incest includes stress and anxiety disorders, mental and physical illness, identity disorders and underdeveloped and confused sense of identity and depression.
I wonder if my daughter see's the emotional dysfuntion between her and her father? I'm 40++++ and I finally figured it out today- so I'll guess the answer to that is NO! However, if she ever comes across this page, I wonder if she will be open minded enough to see the problem and get help so she can enjoy the rest of her life without the problems that are associated with this kind of child abuse.
I also wonder if my son's will see the dysfuntional relationships they are in as they get older and associate it with the alienating them from me? I pray my son's and my daughter will one day see this article and get the professional help they need to enjoy healthy adult relationships and END THE CYCLE OF ABUSE that BOTH of thier parents came from. (I can say with pride, I've learned a lot and have been healing more and more everyday!)
As adults the daughters are emotionally immature, erratic, unable to sustain functional relationships or end up drawn to those which are unrewarding so keep them involved with their fathers instead. It’s easy to see how this becomes so intergenerational.
But mother-son emotional incest was even more interesting in the context of ASD remarkably resembling some of the emotional-behavioral challenges seen in adults on the spectrum.
Well, I'll be damned!!!
I just clicked the links above and found (this link- looking at the mother-son emotional incest link-> Emotional Incest: Mother's Boys & Little Princes where it proves, I've stumbled onto the right track...
"Emotional incest between fathers and daughters is also common - see Daddy's Little Princess. Solutions for the consequences of toxic parenting are described at Prevent Learning Disabilities and Parental Alienation. For more on coaching family entanglements see Emotional Incest."
Ok I'll let you get back to the original article now...
+ obsess about his mother?
+ acts as if women should serve him?
+ cannot maintain a stable partnership?
+ act like a child … or like a tyrant … or both?
+ brag, lie and boast as he tries to be special?
+ is a narcissist - he demands attention or he leaves?
+ chase women - quantity not happiness is important?
+ have few if any friends, and cannot commit to teamwork?
+ does not care if he damages other people’s relationships?
+ do these things repeatedly but energetically deny them?
+ avoid any form of coaching or counseling on these issues?
from http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/little_prince.htm
This is not to say that those with AS are victims of untreated emotional incest, but given that ASD is a multifaceted condition for which holistic answers address the various components its perhaps worth keeping an open mind whether in our modern society family dynamics are increasing the incidence of emotional incest which ASD parents may be more susceptible to.
Just look at The Jerry Springer show, Dr Phil and and the like, and ask yourself do we still live in the same society we did 10 or 20 years ago.
Interestingly the Supermom syndrome promoted by a progressively pigeon holing, voyeuristic media-dominated society is highly linked with mother-son emotional incest.
Whilst there are certainly attachment disordered children with Reactive Attachment Disorder who have never formed bonds there are equally those damaged by over bonding.
The money spinning Western ‘emotional bonding’ industries making a fortune spreading their new gospel around the world may need to wake up if law suits are to follow for psychological-emotional damages resulting from their related therapies.
When will we learn the Taoist principles that BALANCE means health? That MORE is not necessarily better? When the corporate money spinners and organized moralizer collectives get out of our ears and eyes long enough to stop being our new ‘parents’ so we might get back to having minds of our own?
How much might social dynamics be breeding dysfunctional patterns and contribute to the increase in ASD diagnosis now heading for one in 100 children?
To see how close mother-son emotional incest may resemble or exacerbate ASD challenges, here’s some of the listed consequences:
If people do not appreciate Son’s specialness, Son may attack or withdraw.
Son fears not being special enough and dreads Mother’s rejection. Son may become a model passive good boy to please Mother. Or he may rebel against Mother to please Father - perhaps becoming aggressive or delinquent.
If he swings between these two extremes - he may be diagnosed as passive-aggressive or with bipolar disorder.
Damnit to hell!
I swear this is becoming clearer and clearer with each word I'm reading.. Oh sorry I was thinking out loud... go on ...
Some men feel that they were not properly mothered. They may complain that they were not loved in the right way, or not long enough, or that their mothers were absent or preoccupied with their work. They may have many mother-bonded traits, yet behave like an adult child - age-regressed.
from http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/little_prince.htm
Selective Mutism, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, mood and anxiety disorders and attachment disorders are conditions which commonly complicate the lives of those with ASDs and will be made worse in families which breed emotional incest.
Those who overprotect, take over too soon or constantly outshine the abilities of their as yet developed child will also breed learned dependency, exacerbating any existing learning and developmental disabilities. labeling those with these issues as ’special’ often means we then segregate them, or at least fail to integrate them and often this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Whilst the world searches for genetic causes of ASD and mental emotional challenges, perhaps they should give at least equal weight to searching and identifying the pathological memes that cripple so many people and leave them needlessly burdened only to pass those burdens on to any next generations.
And there you have it- Parent Alienation Parent Alienation Syndrome / Dysfuntional relationships multi generational! Geezzzzzzzzzz My estranged husband's father was the most abusive man I've ever encountered!
http://www.donnawilliams.net/
For those looking for further information, the articles on the following links may make clearer the division between healthy parent-child emotional bonding and emotional incest, here’s a number of links.
http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu/joy_21.htmhttp://www.webheights.net/Growingbey…plove/plei.htm
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=psychlinks05-20&creative=9325&path=http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Incest-Syndrome-Parents-Rules/dp/055335275Xhttp://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=psychlinks05-20&creative=9325&path=http://www.amazon.com/tag/emotional%20incest%20syndromehttp://www.amazon.ca/gp/product//155…303738-3662437
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/codependency_recovery/50739http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Andersen3.html
http://www.menweb.org/gurilee.htm
covert and emotional incest is also mentioned on Wikipedia
and here are 196 medical papers featuring the subject.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q…&dopt=Abstract
Hope someone else opens thier eyes with this article- it surley helped me!
Origianl Article - Emotional Incest - Too close for comfort? Donna Williams’ Blog
It just ALL makes sense NOW!
FLDS moms can stay with infants
Attorney Mary Golder speaks outside Tom Green County Courthouse in San Angelo, Texas. Lawyers packed into Judge Barbara Walther's courtroom on Wednesday.
More kids will be moved to foster facilities today
SAN ANGELO, Texas — More children taken from the Fundamentalist LDS Church's YFZ Ranch are expected to leave their makeshift shelter at the San Angelo Coliseum today, headed for foster care facilities scattered across the state.
But a judge said Wednesday she will not separate 18 adult mothers from their babies, opting instead to place them together in a local family shelter.
"The court would prefer these children not be separated from their mothers," said Judge Barbara Walther.
The judge's decision affects infants under 12 months old. Mothers whose children are older than 12 months will likely be placed in an emergency shelter nearby, so they can still see them and provide breast milk.
Some adult mothers will still be separated from their children — those with children over 2 years old.
Lawyers for Texas Child Protective Services updated the judge on their efforts to place the 437 children taken by the state into the foster care system. Approximately 111 children were bused to foster care facilities across Texas on Tuesday.
"All arrived safely at their destinations, are making adjustments and doing well so far," said Gary Banks, a lawyer for CPS.
Dozens of lawyers packed into Walther's tiny courtroom, some sitting on the floor just so they could listen in. A few FLDS members were also there.
One woman sat outside the courtroom on a bench, talking to an attorney. She appeared visibly upset.
"Do unto others as you'd like done unto yourself," an upset Willie Jessop told reporters as he walked out of the courthouse. "If this is how you'd like your children to be treated and the system you'd like them to be put in for justice, I guess this is a great day."
The judge moved quickly over a myriad of topics, including the children's access to attorneys, schooling and unique issues related to the FLDS Church.
Banks said most of the foster care facilities have on-site schools. Educational and psychological assessments will be done on the children.
"They might, down the road, be integrated into the school system. That's not our plan right now because of a little bit of culture shock," he said.
The judge said she wanted to ensure the children are able to practice their religion, which CPS said it is trying to accommodate. Walther said she also wanted to ensure the children have access to clothing unique to the FLDS faith. Girls and women are seen wearing the long prairie-style dresses, boys wear long-sleeved shirts and pants.
"We think it's something that needs to happen because it's a big part of who they are," Banks said.
Visitation between the children and their parents was still being worked out, and child welfare workers said they were receiving forms about placements with other family members.
"The court wants to be very cautious in placements outside the state of Texas," Walther said.
The children were removed from the YFZ Ranch earlier this month when someone claiming to be a 16-year-old girl called a family crisis shelter saying she was abused, pregnant and married to a 50-year-old man. When authorities went to investigate, they didn't find the girl but say they found signs of child abuse at the ranch — including pregnant teenage girls.
That prompted the judge to order all 437 children removed from the FLDS ranch and her ruling keeping them in state custody.
Attorneys for some of the parents and the children have been fighting to stop the separation of mothers and children and siblings when they are placed in foster care.
"To be sent somewhere without your brothers and sisters, that's just going to be devastating to these children and I'm begging CPS to please be sure they keep these children together with their siblings," said Mary Golder, a San Angelo attorney representing five children in state custody.
The judge's order attempts to keep siblings together and teenage mothers with their children, but some lawyers claim that is not happening.
Hundreds of attorneys have volunteered to serve as court-appointed representatives for the children, but many lawyers have complained they have no notice when hearings were to be held.
The judge said she is trying to transition from the massive case into individual children's cases, to move forward with the child custody issues. To do that, she's wading through a 5-foot stack of legal papers.
"I can't sign orders because I'm having to review all the papers good lawyers file," Walther told the crowd of attorneys in court.
Authorities finished collecting DNA samples from all the children and charter buses have been summoned to move the children out of the coliseum. Later this week, 27 boys being sheltered at a ranch in Amarillo will give DNA samples.
The samples are being required to establish paternity and biological relationships. CPS workers have said they are not getting true names, birth dates or relationships from many of the children or adults in this massive child custody case.
A spokesman for the FLDS Church told the Deseret News he fears that authorities are using the DNA to build criminal cases against members.
The children's parents are again returning to the Schleicher County Memorial Building to undergo a cheek swab, be photographed and assigned a number. Not many showed up on Tuesday. Texas attorney general spokeswoman Janece Rolfe said those who don't show up could face possible fines or jail time.
"The court order is clear that being found in contempt of court could be a consequence," she said.
Original Article -
Deseret News FLDS moms can stay with infants
Representing sect's youth proves a complicated task
Questions loom and client time is chaotic, but for 350 Texas lawyers, it's about the kids
The lawyers who arrived in San Angelo last week were given IDs, health screenings, multiple shots of hand-sanitizing Purell and a colored folder for each client — most got one folder, some more than one.
Orange was for the pregnant girls, one lawyer said. Another said pink was for the youngest children.
They met with their clients in a corner of the crowded local coliseum. Most lawyers didn't get to talk to parents or do any investigation, as is customary. Most didn't get to see the evidence gathered by Child Protective Services, even in court.
About 350 Texas lawyers are now realizing the sobering journey they've agreed to, one that's taking them into unknown legal territory, in the cases of the children from the Eldorado polygamist sect ranch.
More than 400 children were removed in a raid this month on the Yearning for Zion Ranch run by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a renegade Mormon splinter group that allegedly believes in marrying off underage girls to older men. State child-welfare authorities said there was evidence of physical and sexual abuse at the ranch.
"This is wildly different than anything I've encountered," said Betty J. Luke, a South Texas College of Law professor who works on clinical studies. She's represented children before. But this week, she's had trouble getting to sleep with the begging cries of her new 7-year-old client's last phone call echoing in her head.
Luke, like hundreds of other Texas lawyers, answered calls and e-mails seeking volunteers last week.
Though many of the lawyers praised local court officials for doing the best under incredible circumstances, there was also what Luke calls an "ugly side" to the two-day hearing that decided the temporary fate of the children.
"There was no meaningful way to have my client addressed at this cattle call. ... There has been no way yet to meaningfully represent my client," said Luke, who has had trouble reaching a Texas Child Protective Services case worker.
Biggest case in history
Donna Broom, another South Texas College of Law clinical faculty volunteer, compared watching the large temporary custody hearing on a monitor outside the courtroom to "watching the O.J. Simpson trial on TV and trying to adequately represent someone in the case."
"Everything is different here," she said. "These children have a way of life so different from a typical child. You can't just sit them in front of an Xbox or a TV set and say acclimate yourself.
"This is the biggest child custody case in history, and there will be a lot of law coming out of this case," said Broom.
And that's a lot of what will happen next. There will likely be many legal requests to the local judge and to state appellate and federal courts that could intervene. A federal civil rights lawsuit against a state official is another possibility.
Guy Choate, a San Angelo lawyer who has put aside his own work to help organize the representation of the children, said he knows lawyers across the state are working on challenges to the temporary custody hearing that local state District Judge Barbara Walther held for all the children at once.
Egos reined in
"The biggest complaint is that each child has not had the separate 14-day hearing they are entitled to," said Choate. "There are questions about whether to appeal, whether it would be in state court or federal court, in San Angelo or where the children wind up."
He said he was pleased with how the lawyers sublimated their egos and worked together.
"It was really impressive. I've been in hearings with 10 lawyers where I wanted to kill nine of them," said Choate.
Sheryl Johnson-Todd, a Houston family law lawyer volunteer, said she was overwhelmed by the generosity and sacrifice of the people of San Angelo.
Johnson-Todd said some of the information about the case not made public explains more of what's happened and people will "have to trust a little that we're not all flaming idiots out there."
The State Bar also has asked lawyers to contribute to legal foundations to help defray the costs for volunteers and to Legal Aid of NorthWest Texas, which is working to represent indigent mothers.
At the end of the hearing last week, the judge praised the army of attorneys.
"Before I make my ruling," Walther began, "on behalf of the judges of the state of Texas, I want to thank every member of the bar for doing an outstanding job for their clients. I have never been more proud of all of you."
Chronicle reporter Terri Langford contributed to this story.
Original Article-
Attorneys for polygamist sect's kids adapt to challenge Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
The lawyers who arrived in San Angelo last week were given IDs, health screenings, multiple shots of hand-sanitizing Purell and a colored folder for each client — most got one folder, some more than one.
Orange was for the pregnant girls, one lawyer said. Another said pink was for the youngest children.
They met with their clients in a corner of the crowded local coliseum. Most lawyers didn't get to talk to parents or do any investigation, as is customary. Most didn't get to see the evidence gathered by Child Protective Services, even in court.
About 350 Texas lawyers are now realizing the sobering journey they've agreed to, one that's taking them into unknown legal territory, in the cases of the children from the Eldorado polygamist sect ranch.
More than 400 children were removed in a raid this month on the Yearning for Zion Ranch run by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a renegade Mormon splinter group that allegedly believes in marrying off underage girls to older men. State child-welfare authorities said there was evidence of physical and sexual abuse at the ranch.
"This is wildly different than anything I've encountered," said Betty J. Luke, a South Texas College of Law professor who works on clinical studies. She's represented children before. But this week, she's had trouble getting to sleep with the begging cries of her new 7-year-old client's last phone call echoing in her head.
Luke, like hundreds of other Texas lawyers, answered calls and e-mails seeking volunteers last week.
Though many of the lawyers praised local court officials for doing the best under incredible circumstances, there was also what Luke calls an "ugly side" to the two-day hearing that decided the temporary fate of the children.
"There was no meaningful way to have my client addressed at this cattle call. ... There has been no way yet to meaningfully represent my client," said Luke, who has had trouble reaching a Texas Child Protective Services case worker.
Biggest case in history
Donna Broom, another South Texas College of Law clinical faculty volunteer, compared watching the large temporary custody hearing on a monitor outside the courtroom to "watching the O.J. Simpson trial on TV and trying to adequately represent someone in the case."
"Everything is different here," she said. "These children have a way of life so different from a typical child. You can't just sit them in front of an Xbox or a TV set and say acclimate yourself.
"This is the biggest child custody case in history, and there will be a lot of law coming out of this case," said Broom.
And that's a lot of what will happen next. There will likely be many legal requests to the local judge and to state appellate and federal courts that could intervene. A federal civil rights lawsuit against a state official is another possibility.
Guy Choate, a San Angelo lawyer who has put aside his own work to help organize the representation of the children, said he knows lawyers across the state are working on challenges to the temporary custody hearing that local state District Judge Barbara Walther held for all the children at once.
Egos reined in
"The biggest complaint is that each child has not had the separate 14-day hearing they are entitled to," said Choate. "There are questions about whether to appeal, whether it would be in state court or federal court, in San Angelo or where the children wind up."
He said he was pleased with how the lawyers sublimated their egos and worked together.
"It was really impressive. I've been in hearings with 10 lawyers where I wanted to kill nine of them," said Choate.
Sheryl Johnson-Todd, a Houston family law lawyer volunteer, said she was overwhelmed by the generosity and sacrifice of the people of San Angelo.
Johnson-Todd said some of the information about the case not made public explains more of what's happened and people will "have to trust a little that we're not all flaming idiots out there."
The State Bar also has asked lawyers to contribute to legal foundations to help defray the costs for volunteers and to Legal Aid of NorthWest Texas, which is working to represent indigent mothers.
At the end of the hearing last week, the judge praised the army of attorneys.
"Before I make my ruling," Walther began, "on behalf of the judges of the state of Texas, I want to thank every member of the bar for doing an outstanding job for their clients. I have never been more proud of all of you."
Chronicle reporter Terri Langford contributed to this story.
Original Article-
Attorneys for polygamist sect's kids adapt to challenge Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
DNA testing of kids complete in polygamist custody case
DNA testing of kids complete in polygamist custody case
1 day ago
SAN ANGELO, Texas (AP) — Texas authorities have finished taking DNA samples from all the children removed from a polygamist compound more than two weeks ago.
Roughly 500 samples were taken at the San Angelo Coliseum where authorities have been holding the children. The attorney general's office sent 10 technicians on Monday to begin taking samples ordered by the court as child welfare officials try to sort out the complicated family relationships at the compound.
Spokeswoman Janece Rolfe said the testing at the coliseum was completed late Tuesday, but technicians are still taking samples from parents in Eldorado.
Child Protective Services moved 114 children from the coliseum on Tuesday to foster facilities. They've declined to say when the other children might be moved, but a half dozen buses arrived at the coliseum on Wednesday morning.
Original Article-
The Associated Press: DNA testing of kids complete in polygamist custody case
NASA Breakthrough Teaches ADHD Kids to Focus
Yesterday I received an email that was very interesting.. Although I know nothing about this it appears that dealing with children's A.D.D. and A.D.H.D WITHOUT medication is a much better idea!
I will share with permission.
I will share with permission.
Anyone with comments on Play Station please send them to me, I am interested in others opinions who have actually used it.
You should consider informing your audience that there are alternatives to battling ADHD, other then medication. Play Attention is a computer based attention training program that has been helping clients develop attention skills since 1996. Thousand of people have graduated from the program and have gained success in coping with attention programs. Below I have included a brief overview of the program. I look forward to hearing from you regarding your level of interest in doing a story. Developer, Peter Freer, is available for an interview if you would like to speak with him.
Best regards,
Barb Rollar
Media Coordinator
brollar@playattention.net
Toll Free 1 800 788 6786
Fax 1 866 506 2756
Voice 1 828 225 5522
http://www.playattention.com/
You should consider informing your audience that there are alternatives to battling ADHD, other then medication. Play Attention is a computer based attention training program that has been helping clients develop attention skills since 1996. Thousand of people have graduated from the program and have gained success in coping with attention programs. Below I have included a brief overview of the program. I look forward to hearing from you regarding your level of interest in doing a story. Developer, Peter Freer, is available for an interview if you would like to speak with him.
Best regards,
Barb Rollar
Media Coordinator
brollar@playattention.net
Toll Free 1 800 788 6786
Fax 1 866 506 2756
Voice 1 828 225 5522
http://www.playattention.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To which I replied..
To which I replied..
Thank you for this information.
I do not write my own stories, so doing an interview wouldn't work.
However, I do get the messages out there that people need to see, may I copy and paste your email in full to my blog?
Louise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louise:
Absolutely. Cut and paste away. Let me know if you need additional information.
Best regard,
Barb Rollar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Absolutely. Cut and paste away. Let me know if you need additional information.
Best regard,
Barb Rollar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NASA Breakthrough Teaches ADHD Kids to Focus
Space technology helps struggling children
Eight year old Brody Bowen was out of control and diagnosed with ADHD. Teachers sent notes home saying he was a sweet child, but impulsive and inattentive in class. He beat up his brother and threw rocks at another child at school. His mother disciplined him constantly.
“I wanna be good, Mommy, but I can’t,” he told his mother.
“You are good, sweetheart,” his mother told him blinking back tears.
Brody’s mother, Joyce, was desperate. She called his school counselors and pediatrician; she feared her son might need medicating. Then she discovered Play Attention on the internet. Play Attention uses special games that don’t require a joystick to play. Instead they work off brainpower. Brody can actually control his video games through a sensor-lined helmet. His mind power controls screen action!
Play Attention is based on the same technology that NASA uses to train astronauts to increase
attention during flight simulator training to insure peak performance during flight. Play
Attention advanced that technology to build skill sets that are vital to everyday activities like better attention, improved short-term memory, listening skills, and filtering out distractions.
After working with Play Attention for a few months, Brody began to finish his homework without a fight; what used to take hours was done in ten minutes! Joyce continued to receive phone calls from Brody’s teachers, but this time they were full of praise rather than concern.
Learn what NASA already knows:
• How can impulsive, uncontrollable kids learn to succeed?
• How can parents teach attention skills?
• How can parents create structured, nurturing environments
for ADHD kids?
• What are parenting myths and parenting facts about ADHD?
• How can ADHD kids increase self-esteem and overcome the
‘victim’ attitude.
Watch Play Attention® in action
• B-roll available including autistic children
• Families, including Brody’s are available for interviews
nationally
• VNR available
ADD Education
Peter Freer, MAEd, founder of Unique Logic & Technology invented Play Attention® after years of teaching public school children suffering from concentration and behavior problems. His interest evolved into a personal crusade to learn more about children popularly labeled ‘uncontrollable’ and 'unteachable,’ conditions typically associated with children having ADD and ADHD.
After 9 long years of research and development, Peter created Play Attention. Now the world leader in attention training, Play Attention is used in thousands of homes, schools, psychologists’ offices, hospitals, and learning centers around the world.
Contact Information
Barbara Rollar Telephone: 800.788.6786 Email: media@playattention.net
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The Medea Complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome
I haven't read this in depth, but I've glanced at it thoroughly and although it's gender biased which I 100% disagree with I thought it was worth sharing. If this author were to evaluate my family, he would understand that at times the alienating father acts as an alienating mother along with all the baggage that comes along with what thyis author is claiming "the mother" has.
PLEASE KNOW that Parent Alienation and Parent Alienation Syndrome ARE NOT GENDER SPECIFIC! So if this story applies to a father being the alienator, adjust the words, and so be it. I feel that Parent Alienation is personality specific and take note that personality disorders show no preference for gender.
Gordon, R.M. (1998).
"The Medea Complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome: When Mothers Damage Their Daughter's Ability to Love a Man" The Mother - Daughter Relationship Echoes Through Time. Ed. by Gerd H. Fenchel. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale, New Jersey.
THE MEDEA COMPLEX AND THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: When Mothers Damage their Daughter's Ability to Love a Man.
Robert M. Gordon, Ph.D.
When doing custody evaluations, I am often struck by the frequency in which mothers aggress against their children's fathers by turning their children against him. In the process, they do great harm to their children. As a therapist, I am often struck by the resistance of patients who were brainwashed as children against a parent. I believe that brainwashing by a mother is both more common and more powerful than that of a father, since the child's bond with the mother is more intense and primitive. Such brainwashing and alienation usually leads to a life long problem with establishing and maintaining a healthy intimacy. Their mother's perception and definition of their fathers, if programmed at an early age becomes a core fundamental belief, and if questioned, the person's core sense of reality seems shaken; "If my mother lied to me about my father, then can I trust her love for me?" Thus there is a great deal of resistance to the awareness of having been brainwashed.
In this chapter I will discuss: The mother-daughter bond, The Medea Complex ( The mother's revenge against her former husband by depriving him of his children), brain washing and the Parental Alienation Syndrome (The children's pathological unconscious wish to please the "loved" parent by rejecting the "hated" parent), the subsequent disturbed intimacies that the brainwashed child suffers later in life, and a case history of three generations of Parental Alienation Syndrome and it's unusual resolution.
In this chapter, I will bring together two separate issues: the Medea complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome. To my knowledge, I have not seen these two concepts brought together. I believe that the Medea Complex in divorcing mothers is a frequent cause of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
The Mother-Daughter Bond
Mothers are more likely than fathers to be alienators and brainwashers (Gardner,1987). Mothers are more likely to take out their aggression on their children. Selma Kramer (1995) refers to Steele's research (1970) in stating that children are more physically abused by their mothers,and sexually abused by their fathers. Women may have few means of expressing power, and thereby may use their own children as scapegoats.
The mother's brainwashing of a daughter is particularly powerful due to the daughter's identification with the mother. Juni and Grimm (1933) in their study of adults and their parents found that the strongest relationships were between mother-daughter and father-son dyads. Troll (1987) found that mother-daughter relationships "... appear to be more complex, ambivalent and ambiguous than do other parent-child configurations." Olver, Aries, and Batgos (1989) found that, "... First born women had the least separate sense of self and reported the greatest degree of maternal involvement and intrusiveness...Men showed a more separate sense of self than women." They also found that mothers were reported to be more highly involved with and intrusive in the lives of their daughters than their sons. Gerd Fenchel in this text, points out that the mother-daughter relationship is a primitive latent homosexual one, that is intense and ambivalent; one that requires first fusion, then separation for the proper development to occur.
When the mother encourages her daughter to see her father as bad, this may become an Oedipal fixation in that the daughter may be attracted to men who will mistreat her, or she may mistreat them. The daughter will also have problems with separation from the mother and have problems with attachment and abandonment with subsequent love objects. The son has his mother as his Oedipal love object, but is aided in his separation from her when he must go to his father for his male identity. The daughter is more closely tied to her mother as both a primary love object and source of her identity. Her Oedipal drive toward the father fosters development in helping her to separate from her mother and to master the outside world which father represents. If the mother devalues the father, and sees separation as betrayal, the daughter does not make that necessary break from her mother. The daughter remains with a parasitic mother, insecure and dependent.
Fathers are very important to their daughter's feminine development. Biller's research review (1971) supports that girls who had positive relationships with their fathers were more likely to have satisfying heterosexual relationships. When a mother poisons her daughter's love of her father, she is also compromising her daughter's ability to maturely love any man. The mother is programming her daughter to be her ego extension without a will of her own, and to be with her and no one else, narcissistically bound.
Although both boys and girls are greatly harmed when they are turned against a parent, the harm is often different. Studies indicate that boys suffer the most harm when the boys are stuck with mothers who express hostility towards their fathers- the source of their male identity ( Hodges, 1991; Kelly,1993). This chapter, however, will focus only on the mother-daughter bond in the Parental Alienation Syndrome. Although the daughter's self esteem may not suffer as much as the son's, her ability to deal with separation and mature relationships with men is very deeply affected. Wallerstein's (1989) 10 year longitudinal study of girls from divorced families found that the nature of the mother-daughter relationship, and the daughter's identification with her mother were predictive of the daughters' ability to address the tasks of their relationships with men later on. Daughters who identified with hostile mothers had the poorest adjustment.
A woman has two internal sexual love objects, the mother representation-the original love object, and the father representation-the later Oedipal love object. Both affect object choice. The boy has a more narrow band of "chemistry". His love for a woman will always be affected by his internal mother representation. He has his mother as his ever powerful love object. His father is a latent homosexual love object and source of identification that does not play the same gyroscopic object role as does the mother. A man will not marry a woman like his father. A woman however will choose a man in reaction to her mother or her father. If the daughter is brainwashed against her father by a hostile paranoid mother (which is often the case), the daughter has internally two core love objects, the hostile mother and the devalued father. These internal objects will guide her love choices and her behaviors in relationships with men. By picking, provoking or by distorting , she will try to repeat her emotional past with men. I caution the reader to the distinction of "emotional past" verses "actual" past. Our neuroses may be based on real events as well as on false perceptions and fantasies. For example, in the Parental Alienation Syndrome the "hated" parent may in fact be loving, and the "loved" parent may be very disturbed and unloving. This sets up a complex system of layering of object relations in the ego. At one level the child is traumatized by the perceptions and not the reality of the "hated" parent and consciously hates that parent, yet at the unconscious level, the child often secretly loves that parent, who was in fact loving. The "loved" parent may be loved on the conscious level, but feared and hated on the unconscious level. The patient may start therapy claiming that she was traumatized by her father, and later in therapy realize that her trauma was based partly on the image of her father, and largely on the her mother's exploitation and hostility. The patient who was brain washed will not present this as a problem, and has special defenses to guard against this awareness.
Why would a mother do this to her own children? The story of Medea may help us to understand such motives. The Greek drama served the purpose to not just entertain, but to provide a catharsis for the collective unspoken traumas and pains of the audience. These classic stories express most beautifully powerful human conflicts characteristic of our universal psychology.
The Medea Complex: The myth.
Euripides wrote Medea around 400 .B.C.. It is a story of intense love turned to such intense hate, that Medea kills her own children to get back at her husband for betraying her. Medea is so madly in love with Jason, that she tricks her own father, King Aeetes, who guards the Golden Fleece, and kills her own brother so that Jason could steal the Golden Fleece. (Jason might have done well to consider how she treated her father and brother before he married her.) Jason leaves Medea to marry yet another princess. Medea plans her revenge. The chorus blames Aphrodite for causing all the trouble, in having intense passion turns to hate. (The Greeks often displaced their psychodynamics onto their gods.) Medea offers the bride her gifts of a beautiful robe and chaplet. When Jason's new bride puts on the gifts, her head and body burst into flame and she dies a horrible, painful death. When her father embraced her corpse, he too bursts into flames and dies the same tortured death. Medea then takes her sword and kills their two children. The chorus amazed at the degree of Medea's vengefulness doubt that anything can rival a mother's slaughter of her own innocent children. Medea escapes Jason with a dragon drawn chariot. She taunts Jason not allowing him to embrace or bury his sons. She rejoices at having hurt him so.
Fred Pine (1995) refers to Medea as an example of a particular form of hatred found in women." Medea's internal experience is a compound of a sense of injury- a sense that builds to imagined public humiliation and a sense of righteousness. ... The righteousness implied here in "the wrong they have dared to do to me" has struck me clinically. It is a frequent accompaniment of hate and hate-based rage. I think it stems from something self-preservative ("I have been so mistreated that I have this right...") and some flaw in the super-ego, possibly based on identification with the child's experience of the rageful mother's giving herself full permission- and without subsequent remorse- to express her rage toward the child." (p.109). That is, Pine suspects that for a mother to be so destructive to her own children, she herself must have been exposed to her own mother's unremorseful hostility.
Jacobs' (1988) paper entitled, "Euripides' Medea: A psychodynamic model of severe divorce pathology" views the Medea mother as "narcissistically scarred, embittered dependent woman...(who) ...attempts to severe father-child contact as a means of revenging the injury inflicted on her by the loss of a self-object, her hero-husband." Jacobs' idea that the Medea mother is so dependent that she cannot deal with the loss, and thus holds on with hate.
Medea certainly has a flaw in her superego. We know this early on when she betrays her father and kills her brother to help Jason steal from them. But she not only kills his new bride and her father, but her own children. Her love turned to hate is so passionate that she destroys that which intimacy between them produced. The hate goes beyond her instinctive need to protect her own children. Medea must make Jason suffer more than she suffers for it to be a punishment with revenge.
Jason, "You loved them, and killed them."
Medea, "To make you feel pain."
The Medea Complex involves a mother who is still pathologically tied to her (ex)husband. She has a great deal of rage probably as Pines suggests (1995) from her interactions with her hostile mother. This rage is rooted in part with a wish to destroy the child, whom she at some level resents being stuck with and may turn her rage into overprotectiveness as a reaction formation. She is unable to let her children separate from her. She tells them the harm that will befall them when they are out of her control. When the mother wishes to punish the father by turning their children against him, she is also aggressing against the children. In her unconscious, both the children and the husband represent the same thing (others that did or might betray), and destructiveness is wished on them both. In short, a mother who brain washes her children against their father has a Medea Complex. She probably has paranoia or at least paranoid features within a borderline or psychotic character structure. She can not deal with the loss, and remains tied to her (ex)husband in an intimate hate, and keeps her children tied to her out of fear.
A Medea mother must kill off her own femininity in order to be destructive to her own children. As Lady Macbeth prays so that she will be able to help murder, "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here, and fill me from the crown to the toe topful of direst cruelty!" (Macbeth, act 1, scene 5 ).
Brain Washing and Parental Alienation Syndrome
I agree with Gardner's (1987) assessment that most mothers in custody disputes do some form of brain washing. I have done custody evaluations for over 15 years. I have found that mother's attempts to turn their children against their fathers in custody disputes are very common. I have also found that this is by far the most destructive aspect of divorce on children. I now consider brain washing children against a parent as a form of child abuse, since it leads to enduring psychopathology.
Kelly's (1993) longitudinal research of child's postdivorce adjustment found that the majority of children adjust to divorce, and older children express relief. Most symptoms last 6 months to 2 years post separation, and usually only involve adjustment disorders. Only about 10% of divorcing couples with children fight over custody. Of this group, at least one parent often has hostile and paranoid features. In a study of MMPI's given to parents in custody evaluations, the MMPI's of the parents who lost the custody dispute had significantly higher scores in Psychopathic Deviant (hostility), Paranoia, and Mania (narcissistic and impulsive tendencies), than parents who won the custody dispute (Otto and Collins, 1995). Children do adjust to divorce, except if a disturbed parent uses them as a pawn to punish the other parent. This traumatizes the child, and it's effects may be life long, and is often passed on generation after generation. (side note here from ME especially to MY children. This may be true, except in cases where the parent that won custody HAD POLITICAL CONNECTIONS and [il]legally won custody deapite being the lesser of the two parents.)
Gardner (1987) stated, "Although the mothers in these situations may have a variety of motivations for programming their children against their fathers, the most common one relates to the old saying, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'(Or in MY case a Narcissist/psychyopath man) ... Because these mothers are separated, and cannot retaliate directly at their husbands, they wreak vengeance by attempting to deprive their former spouses of their most treasured possessions, the children. And the brainwashing program is an attempt to achieve this goal."p.87. Gardner also feels that these mothers are aggressing against their own children by brain washing them against their fathers. "These mothers exhibit the mechanism of reaction formation, in that their obsessive love of their children is often a cover-up for their underlying hostility."p.87..."And when these mothers "win", they not only win custody, but they win total alienation of their children from the hated spouse. The victory here results in psychological destruction of the children which, I believe, is what they basically want anyway." P.88
Brain washing are conscious acts of programming the child against the other parent. But Gardner went on to describe what he refers to as "Parental Alienation Syndrome". The concept of the Parental Alienation Syndrome includes the brain washing component, but is more inclusive. It includes not only conscious but unconscious factors within the programming parent that contribute to the child's alienation from the other parent. Furthermore, it includes factors that arise within the child- independent of the parental contributions. The child may justify the alienation with memories of minor altercations experienced in the relationship with the hated parent. These are usually trivial and are experiences that most children quickly forget. These children may even refuse to accept evidence that is obvious proof of the hated parent's position. Commonly these children will accept as 100 percent valid the allegations of the loved parent against the hated one. "All human relationships are ambivalent... the concept of 'Mixed feelings' has no place in these children's scheme of things. The hated parent is 'all bad' and the loved parent is 'all good'(Gardner,1987).p.73.
Dunne and Hedrick (1994) in their research found that Parental Alienation Syndrome, "appeared to be primarily a function of the pathology of the alienating parent and that parent's relationship with the children. PAS did not signify dysfunction in the alienated parent or in the relationship between that parent and child." This study supports Gardner's definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome as a pathological reaction to a parent, and not a conflict arising out the real relationship with the rejected parent.
Gardner also refers to factors arising within the child which contributes to Parental Alienation Syndrome, such as the fear of losing the love of the alienating mother, since "the loved parent is feared much more than loved." p.90. Additionally, Oedipal factors are sometimes operative in the Parental Alienation Syndrome. A daughter may resent the father's new female partner, and may identify with her mother's jealousy and rage, and the daughter may revenge by rejecting him.
Damaged Ability for Separation and Intimacy
A daughter has first her mother as the primary love object, and then shifts to her father as the Oedipal love object. These two internal objects guide her attractions and patterns of intimacy. If she had in fact a rejecting father, but a healthy loving mother who does not turn her against the father, the daughter will have damaged relationships with men. But she has a good prognosis for overcoming this problem. Since her mother was healthy, the daughter can form love relationships built on that basic love relationship. (In my children's case I pray they can all over come the damage that thier alienating father has done to them) If however, her mother has a Medea Complex, that is she turns her daughter against her own father out of revenge, the daughter is more likely to have a damaged ability to love maturely. Both her primary love object, the mother and Oedipal love object, the father, are internally driving her to self defeating relationships. To love a man is to betray her mother. And, she can only love as she has been taught and shown. The daughter will find unconscious ways to undermine relationships. She can unconsciously undermine them in three ways: picking, provoking and distorting. (Here I somewhat disagree- I believe that any adult child of a malignant Narcissist/psychopath will undermine any relationship they have, no matter the gender- because of the Narcissist parents programing of the child to not let anyone else in!)
Picking: Denise comes from an upper middle class family. Denise's mother refused to let her father visit her, after their separation when Denise was five. By the time the court ordered shared custody, Denise's mother had brain washed her against her father. Denise refused to go with him. When she did go, the Parental Alienation Syndrome was so entrenched, that she provoked fights so bad, that eventually her father discontinued the shared custody. She had seen very little of her father since,and remained very close with her over protective paranoid mother. Denise and her mother where very symbiotic. Denise was also very protective of her mother, sensing her mother's need for her. When Denise entered treatment at 34, she had not been married, nor has she been able to be in an intimate relationship with a man for more than two years. She only had chemistry for men who were of a lower social class who were rejecting or abusive. She often suffered from depression and anxiety. She had trouble separating from these men. Denise was attracted to men who represented her mother's and her own image of her father as a "bum". Her attraction was also based on her attachment to her mother who was exploitive and destructive to Denise. These two love objects, her mother's view of the father, and the hostile mother- formed her attraction to men. Denise fell in love with men who were in fact both her mother and her fantasized Oedipal father- tainted by the mother. She alternately saw me as the overly controlling mother, or as the rejecting abandoning father. As she worked through the transference in treatment, she began to realize how her mother had distorted her father to her, and how her mother had used and injured her. I actively confronted her trivial complaints against her father as evidence of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Toward the fifth year of analytic treatment, Denise was able to feel deep attraction to and fall in love with a kind and reasonable man. When she felt irrational aggression toward him, she was able to defuse it with insight into her past programming. Denise also reconciled with her father,and enjoyed a new relationship with him.
Provoking: Lora came to treatment for phobias and general anxiety. She had little psychological mindedness, and at 37, though very attractive, had only rationalizations to explain why she had only short term unhappy relationships with men. She spoke about men as a typically disturbed gender. Her parents fought bitterly until their separation when Lora was 10. She lived with her mother who told her that her father was mentally ill and often made fun of him. She saw little of her father, who she devalued as ineffectual and crazy. When Lora would be in a relationship with a man, she would tell him that she is easy going and gets along with everyone. Yet, she would find the most outrageous ways to provoke everyone, particularly her boy friends. Even the most meek would be provoked to outrage. At which point Lora would distort the events and project the blame for the conflict onto the boy friend. She would tell him that he had distorted everything because of his personal problems, but that she could love him anyway. Lora would commonly enact this with me. She would act out. I would interpret her behavior to her, and she would some how rewrite history and complain, "You are projecting your personal problems on to me. How can I get better, if you don't have your own head on straight?" Lora was able to repeat her emotional past by provoking conflicts in her relationships. She resisted any interpretations into her own aggression, or that she was seeing me, and men as crazy and ineffectual. Lora was too tied to her mother's ego to be objective. She constantly tried to provoke fights with me. The transference was very rocky, and she remained provocative and insightless. She soon dropped out of treatment, thinking that I was more disturbed than her, thus repeating her usual pattern.
Distorting: Sue entered treatment at 46, with two failed marriages and many failed affairs. Sue's mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and she was hospitalized several times when Sue was a child. Although her parents remained together, it was a very conflicted relationship. She did not feel close to her cold father. Her mother was unpredictable and was often paranoid about her father. Her mother viewed Sue's developmental stages as separations and betrayals, and guilt induced Sue for her attempts at individuation. Her mother was very hostile to her father and men in general, who were considered the sole source of women's suffering. (Although, in this chapter, I define the Medea mother in the context of revenge in divorce, the Medea complex can exist in marriage where the mother has the paranoid perception of her husband as psychologically abandoning her. She will turn the children against him, and damage her children just the same.) I considered Sue to be a high functioning borderline. She is very intelligent and functioned very well in her profession, and had some close friendships. However, she regressed in intimacies. She became paranoid and depressed in her relationships with men. She would become extremely jealous, demanding, intolerant of separations, controlling and would have fits of rage as a reaction to imaged insults. She would drive even the most tolerant men away, and come to the conclusion that her mother was right all along about them. She distorted the men in her life to justify her rage. She became like her paranoid mother when she was with men. Although Sue in her six plus years of treatment made great progress in her self esteem, and became less likely to fall into deep depressions, she still had the tendency to regress in intimacy. Like most borderlines, she stayed better compensated outside of committed intimacies. Sue's reality testing remained good, except in intense committed intimacies, where the pressure to distort men becomes overwhelming. This distortion is rooted not so much in her relationship with her distant father, but more based on her terrifying relationship with her very disturbed mother. Distorting her perceptions of men allows her to act out and escape from terrifying intimacy, which she unconsciously fears will engulf her as did her mother. Destroying her relationships with men also helps keep her psychically tied to her mother.
People can repeat the emotional past by: picking someone who is likely to fit within their internal object world, by provoking someone to act in a way consistent with their internal object world, and they can distort so that the person at least temporarily seems part of their internal object world. Although I have presented the ways that people repeat their emotional past as three separate psychological mechanisms: picking, provoking and distorting, they almost always occur together. Many people seem healthier if they had picked a sicker partner. Yet if they are with a healthier partner, they may have to do more provoking and distorting to make them fit within their internal object world. More disturbed individuals provoke and distort more than higher functioning individuals who mainly repeat their past object relations by who they pick.
I have found that those people who have been brain washed against a parent in childhood will have very disturbed relationships. If they are to have a chance at healthy relationships, it will only happen if they can work through their distorted objects in the transference in the analytic frame of a committed intimacy with the therapist. The causal frame and nature of supportive counseling is much too superficial to work through the deep damage to early object attachment and development. Also, many non-analytically trained individuals, not working with unconscious distortions, take at face value the patient's complaints and memories, and thereby reinforce the brain washing and the psychopathology. Patients who have Parental Alienation Syndrome will frequently try to divorce the therapist, using the same or similar complaints of the brain washing parent. The Medea mother is unconsciously feared and she becomes a sacred cow. The adult patient will at first feel guilt at any feelings of aggression towards the mother, and often blames the therapist for feeling the aggression. After confidence is built that the therapist is neither destroyed or destroying, the patient will be able to take on their deeper feelings about their mother, and work them through.
However, when working with children with Parental Alienation Syndrome the work is more concrete and reality based. Rather than working through the transference, a form of "deprogramming" is necessary. This is a deviation from the usual neutral analytic stance. Young children need to idealize their parents as a source of self esteem. This idealization needs to be protected, however "errors" that the mother makes must be overtly pointed out to the brain washed child. The alienated parent is objectified through reality clarifications, and should eventually be brought into treatment with the child.
Three Generations of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Case Study
I offer this particular case study to 1) illustrate how the Medea complex can continue for generations, and 2) to provide a highly unusual example of a successful deprogramming.
Both Richard's parents were the first born of their gender from divorced parents. Both his mother and his father were turned against their fathers by their mothers, who prevented them from seeing or having a loving relationship with their respective fathers. Richard's mother also eventually cut off her relationship with her mother as well. Richard was raised by two parents with Parental Alienation Syndrome, he would marry someone with Parental Alienation Syndrome, and his children developed Parental Alienation Syndrome. His father was cold and distant. His mother was very hostile and paranoid. Richard's normal stages of separation were interpreted by his parents as betrayals. Their Parental Alienation Syndrome expressed itself in their transference that he was the abandoning father. Once Richard moved out of his home after high school, he too cut off his relationship with his family of origin.
Richard met Kathy in college. Kathy came from divorced parents, and came from very much the same family dynamics as Richard's mother. Though Richard felt he was attracted to someone from a very different social and religious background, he was never the less picking someone like his mother, who would treat him as did his mother. Kathy's father was an alcoholic and her mother was paranoid and provocative. Her mother would provoke the father to punish the children, but when he would beat them she would act helpless, and later align with her children against the father. She constantly included her children in her suspicions that their father was engaged in affairs. The mother used these suspicions to have an affair for which she felt entitled . Kathy told her father about the mother's affair which ended the marriage. They divorced when Kathy was a teenager. Kathy's experiences with her mother, were very similar to Richard's mother's experience with her mother. Kathy had no relationship with her father after her parent's divorce. She remained ambivalently tied to her mother, both hating her and feeling dependent on her, and had Parental Alienation Syndrome with her father.
Although she felt very dependent on Richard, Kathy was unable to express love and affection to him. Soon after they were married, Kathy accused him of having affairs, and scapegoated him for her fears and insecurities. She like Richard's mother never said that she loved Richard, and Richard never seemed to notice it. After four years of marriage, there were two unplanned pregnancies that gave them a daughter and then two years latter , a son. Kathy was very overwhelmed by this seconded pregnancy. She regressed and became very hostile to Richard. She feared having children, and told Richard that she was afraid that she might abuse them. Richard took an active role with the children, but Kathy began to interfere with his time with their children. She would manage to schedule activities during the times he was to be with his children. During his analysis, Richard was able to accept that his mother was unable to love him , and that he had picked someone who also would scapegoat him and be unloving. When Richard asked Kathy what she felt toward him, she admitted that after ten years of marriage that she never did love him nor could love him, that she was unable to love anyone. She admitted that she could only feel hate for him. This was enough for Richard to finally leave the marriage. Although they had agreed to joint custody of their son who was two and their daughter who was four, as soon as Richard found a loving relationship and he was happy, Kathy told him that he would have to go to court, if he would ever see his children again.
By the time of the home study, ordered by the custody officer, the children were brain washed against him. He had always been very involved with his children, but during the interim visits, the children were clearly more distant and cool to him. The social worker who had done the home study had been recently divorced and was bitter and wrote her report in favor of the mother, taking her complaints against Richard at face value. Richard petitioned the court to have Richard Gardner to be the court appointed impartial evaluator. Richard Gardner told Richard that he was biased in favor of mother's having custody since the mother's bond with the children is stronger. Gardner told him that he would have an up hill fight for 50% physical custody. Richard claimed that Kathy was paranoid and resented his happiness, and that she is bent on destroying his reputation and his professional practice and turn his children against him, and drive him out of town. Richard provided evidence of Kathy lodging a false ethics complaint against him to his local professional group, and spreading false rumors to his referral sources to destroy his practice. Gardner asked the daughter, then 6 years old, why she had to move from her home, she replied, "Because my mother was afraid that daddy would come and knock it down. Mommy said that she could never be happy until he was dead. Mommy hoped he was the one shot at the bank that was robbed" (referring to a mass shooting at a local bank.). Both the daughter and the son went on with their mother's brain washing against the father, all with the view that their father was immoral, evil, dangerous, should not be trusted or loved.
Gardner noted that the father was warmer and interacted more comfortably with the children and understood their emotional needs better than the mother. He stated that Kathy showed signs of paranoid delusions, that she was a fabricator and was brain washing her children against their father. He also stated that if it weren't for the father's prior frequent and positive involvement with his children, the Parental Alienation Syndrome would have been complete. He suggested that Richard have full legal custody and 50% physical custody.
In the years that followed, Kathy did not get involved with men and continued to undermine Richard's relationship with his children. When his children reached adolescence they refused to see him or talk with him. They both provoked and distorted in ways that the father would appear consistent with the mother's view of him. Richard had been sending both the children for therapy. The therapist had inadvertently reinforced many of the children's perceptions of the father, taking much of their complaints of him at face value.
Richard finally asked their therapist if he could be included in joint sessions with his children. Each child had a long list of secret complaints, they had not verbalized to their father, echoing their mother's perceptions of him as a bad person. Consistent with Parental Alienation Syndrome, these perceptions took on a mental life of their own. The complaints were trivial or false memories. The children's therapist immediately saw the unfairness and distortions in their complaints. For example, his daughter claimed that one Christmas when she was six, her father gave her coal for Christmas. His daughter said, "You thought this was funny, I tried not to show my hurt, but I was very hurt." The father firmly stated that this never happened. This denial was evidence according to the children of their father's defensiveness. Richard gave his daughter the phone number of his former girlfriend who was there at the time, so that his daughter might ask her if he ever had given her coal for Christmas. His daughter avoided the phone call, unconsciously needing to maintain her view of her father . The father told the therapist that he had video taped much of their childhood, and said that he was certain that he had recorded the Christmas in question. The next session Richard brought into the session a small TV/video player. He first played a scene about an incident recalled by his son. He claimed that Richard was brain washing him against his mother while playing a board game that he distinctly remembered ten years ago when he was four years old. His son reversed the source and aim of the brain washing, thereby protecting his mother. When his son saw the very scene on the tape, he was struck how young he seemed. He seemed confused that not only didn't the incident occur as he had remembered it, but that his father was being very supportive and sensitive to his needs, and that he was clearly enjoying his father. The Christmas scene showed both children excitedly opening many presents and playing with their cherished toys with utter delight. There was no coal. The both children were amazed by what they were watching. They had been certain of their vivid memories of 10 years ago, when they were small children, and were also certain that their father was a liar. Now they stated that they could have been wrong. In the next session, Richard read the section of Gardner's report stating that their mother had brain washed them against him. The daughter stated to her younger brother who was still struggling with his feelings, that " you are where I was at two years ago. What he is saying is probably true. I know that now." Following that session, Richard's daughter who had not spoken to him for two years asked to go with him on vacation to Oxford, England. The two went off together and their trip was a great success. Eventually both children expressed a wish to see more of their father, after they realized that they were brain washed against him.
Not everyone can produce a video tape to disprove a false accusation, prejudice or to deprogram brain washing, though we often wish we could. This does provide a clear, though unlikely example of the use of reality to deprogram brain washing and Parental Alienation Syndrome. This very active reality confrontation would not have been as effective with children who were not as intelligent and high functioning. Also it was crucial that Richard had fifty percent physical custody since their early childhoods, which helped to reinforce a real loving relationship on an unconscious level. Once the daughter reached almost 16, she felt more independent of her mother, and more receptive to the reality confrontation and could use it constructively. Her brother also began to come around as well. This case illustrates that the Medea complex can continue for generations, in choice of love objects, ability to maturely love, and the treatment of children. As Richard told his children during a session, "This has been going on for several generations, and I'm going to do what ever it takes so that you won't have to go through it. Let it stop here."
References
Biller, H.B. (1971)"Fathering and female sexual development." Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. 5,11, 126-138.
Dunne,J.,and Hedrick,M. (1994) "The parent alienation syndrome: An analysis of sixteen selected cases." Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 21,3-4, 21-38.
Gardner, Richard A.,(1987) The Parental Alienation Syndrome and the Differentiation Between Fabricated and Genuine Child Sex Abuse. Creative Therapeutics. Cresskill, New Jersey.
Jacobs, J.W.(1988) "Euripides' Medea: A psychodynamic model of severe divorce pathology." American Journal of Psychotherapy. 42,2, 308-319.
Juni,S. And Grimm,D.W.(1993)"Sex-role similarities between adults and their parents." Contemporary Family Therapy.15,3,247-251.
Kelly, J.B. (1993) "Current research on children's postdivorce adjustment: No simple answers." Family & Conciliation Courts Review. 31 (1) 29-49.
Kramer,S. (1995). "Parents' hatred of their children: An Understudied Aspect of Cross-Generational Aggression." In The Birth of Hatred. Ed. By Akhtar, S., Kramer, S., and Parens,H.pp3-14. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale,N.J.
Olver, R.R.; Aries, E.and Batgos, J. (1989) " Self-other differentiation and the mother-child relationship: The effects of sex and birth order." Journal of Genetic Psychology,150,3, 311-322.
Otto, R.K. and Collins,R. (1995) "Use of the MMPI-2/MMPI-A in Child Custody Evaluations. In Y. Ben-Porath, J. Graham,G.C.N. Hall and M. Zaragoza (eds.) Forensic Applications of the MMPI-2 . Newbury Park, Ca. Sage Publications.
Pine,F,(1995) "On the Origin and Evolution of a Species of Hate: A Clinical-Literary Excursion." In Akhtar,S., Kramer,S., Parens,H.,Eds. The Birth of Hatred. Developmental, Clinical, and Technical Aspects of Intense Aggression.pp 105-132. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale, New Jersey, London.
Steele,B.F. (1970). "Parental abuse of infants and small children." In Parenthood.ed. J.Anthony and T. Benedek, pp. 449-477. Boston:Little, Brown.
Troll, L. (1987)"Mother-daughter relationship through the life span." Applied Social Psychology Annual. 7, 284-305.
Wallerstein, J.S. and Corbin,S.B.(1989)."Daughters of Divorce: Report from a ten-year follow-up." American Journal of Orthopsychiatry. 59(4) 593-604.
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Original Article -
MMPI-2 Information, Continuing Education, and Psychology Books by Dr. Robert M. Gordon
In IndianaCRC@yahoogroups.com, "Bud Labitan, MD MBA"wrote:
To date Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25th has been
recognized or proclaimed by:
ONE Canadian City
THIRTEEN US States
and BERMUDA
click below to view the proclamations/recognitions:
Edmonton, Alberta - Mayor Mandel
Alabama - Governor Riley
Arkansas - Governor Beebe
Connecticut - Governor Rell
Florida - Governor Crist
Georgia - Governor Perdue
Indiana - Governor Daniels
Iowa - Governor Vilsack
Kentucky - Governor Fletcher
Maine - Governor Baldacci
Mississippi - Governor Barbour
Montana - Governor Schweitzer (recognition)
Nebraska - Governor Heineman
West Virginia - Governor Manchin
The Islands of BERMUDA
Below the original author askes
"Where is California and New York?"
Because they have both proclaimed April 25th as Parent Alienation Awareness Day.
PLEASE KNOW that Parent Alienation and Parent Alienation Syndrome ARE NOT GENDER SPECIFIC! So if this story applies to a father being the alienator, adjust the words, and so be it. I feel that Parent Alienation is personality specific and take note that personality disorders show no preference for gender.
Gordon, R.M. (1998).
"The Medea Complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome: When Mothers Damage Their Daughter's Ability to Love a Man" The Mother - Daughter Relationship Echoes Through Time. Ed. by Gerd H. Fenchel. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale, New Jersey.
THE MEDEA COMPLEX AND THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: When Mothers Damage their Daughter's Ability to Love a Man.
Robert M. Gordon, Ph.D.
When doing custody evaluations, I am often struck by the frequency in which mothers aggress against their children's fathers by turning their children against him. In the process, they do great harm to their children. As a therapist, I am often struck by the resistance of patients who were brainwashed as children against a parent. I believe that brainwashing by a mother is both more common and more powerful than that of a father, since the child's bond with the mother is more intense and primitive. Such brainwashing and alienation usually leads to a life long problem with establishing and maintaining a healthy intimacy. Their mother's perception and definition of their fathers, if programmed at an early age becomes a core fundamental belief, and if questioned, the person's core sense of reality seems shaken; "If my mother lied to me about my father, then can I trust her love for me?" Thus there is a great deal of resistance to the awareness of having been brainwashed.
In this chapter I will discuss: The mother-daughter bond, The Medea Complex ( The mother's revenge against her former husband by depriving him of his children), brain washing and the Parental Alienation Syndrome (The children's pathological unconscious wish to please the "loved" parent by rejecting the "hated" parent), the subsequent disturbed intimacies that the brainwashed child suffers later in life, and a case history of three generations of Parental Alienation Syndrome and it's unusual resolution.
In this chapter, I will bring together two separate issues: the Medea complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome. To my knowledge, I have not seen these two concepts brought together. I believe that the Medea Complex in divorcing mothers is a frequent cause of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
The Mother-Daughter Bond
Mothers are more likely than fathers to be alienators and brainwashers (Gardner,1987). Mothers are more likely to take out their aggression on their children. Selma Kramer (1995) refers to Steele's research (1970) in stating that children are more physically abused by their mothers,and sexually abused by their fathers. Women may have few means of expressing power, and thereby may use their own children as scapegoats.
The mother's brainwashing of a daughter is particularly powerful due to the daughter's identification with the mother. Juni and Grimm (1933) in their study of adults and their parents found that the strongest relationships were between mother-daughter and father-son dyads. Troll (1987) found that mother-daughter relationships "... appear to be more complex, ambivalent and ambiguous than do other parent-child configurations." Olver, Aries, and Batgos (1989) found that, "... First born women had the least separate sense of self and reported the greatest degree of maternal involvement and intrusiveness...Men showed a more separate sense of self than women." They also found that mothers were reported to be more highly involved with and intrusive in the lives of their daughters than their sons. Gerd Fenchel in this text, points out that the mother-daughter relationship is a primitive latent homosexual one, that is intense and ambivalent; one that requires first fusion, then separation for the proper development to occur.
When the mother encourages her daughter to see her father as bad, this may become an Oedipal fixation in that the daughter may be attracted to men who will mistreat her, or she may mistreat them. The daughter will also have problems with separation from the mother and have problems with attachment and abandonment with subsequent love objects. The son has his mother as his Oedipal love object, but is aided in his separation from her when he must go to his father for his male identity. The daughter is more closely tied to her mother as both a primary love object and source of her identity. Her Oedipal drive toward the father fosters development in helping her to separate from her mother and to master the outside world which father represents. If the mother devalues the father, and sees separation as betrayal, the daughter does not make that necessary break from her mother. The daughter remains with a parasitic mother, insecure and dependent.
Fathers are very important to their daughter's feminine development. Biller's research review (1971) supports that girls who had positive relationships with their fathers were more likely to have satisfying heterosexual relationships. When a mother poisons her daughter's love of her father, she is also compromising her daughter's ability to maturely love any man. The mother is programming her daughter to be her ego extension without a will of her own, and to be with her and no one else, narcissistically bound.
Although both boys and girls are greatly harmed when they are turned against a parent, the harm is often different. Studies indicate that boys suffer the most harm when the boys are stuck with mothers who express hostility towards their fathers- the source of their male identity ( Hodges, 1991; Kelly,1993). This chapter, however, will focus only on the mother-daughter bond in the Parental Alienation Syndrome. Although the daughter's self esteem may not suffer as much as the son's, her ability to deal with separation and mature relationships with men is very deeply affected. Wallerstein's (1989) 10 year longitudinal study of girls from divorced families found that the nature of the mother-daughter relationship, and the daughter's identification with her mother were predictive of the daughters' ability to address the tasks of their relationships with men later on. Daughters who identified with hostile mothers had the poorest adjustment.
A woman has two internal sexual love objects, the mother representation-the original love object, and the father representation-the later Oedipal love object. Both affect object choice. The boy has a more narrow band of "chemistry". His love for a woman will always be affected by his internal mother representation. He has his mother as his ever powerful love object. His father is a latent homosexual love object and source of identification that does not play the same gyroscopic object role as does the mother. A man will not marry a woman like his father. A woman however will choose a man in reaction to her mother or her father. If the daughter is brainwashed against her father by a hostile paranoid mother (which is often the case), the daughter has internally two core love objects, the hostile mother and the devalued father. These internal objects will guide her love choices and her behaviors in relationships with men. By picking, provoking or by distorting , she will try to repeat her emotional past with men. I caution the reader to the distinction of "emotional past" verses "actual" past. Our neuroses may be based on real events as well as on false perceptions and fantasies. For example, in the Parental Alienation Syndrome the "hated" parent may in fact be loving, and the "loved" parent may be very disturbed and unloving. This sets up a complex system of layering of object relations in the ego. At one level the child is traumatized by the perceptions and not the reality of the "hated" parent and consciously hates that parent, yet at the unconscious level, the child often secretly loves that parent, who was in fact loving. The "loved" parent may be loved on the conscious level, but feared and hated on the unconscious level. The patient may start therapy claiming that she was traumatized by her father, and later in therapy realize that her trauma was based partly on the image of her father, and largely on the her mother's exploitation and hostility. The patient who was brain washed will not present this as a problem, and has special defenses to guard against this awareness.
Why would a mother do this to her own children? The story of Medea may help us to understand such motives. The Greek drama served the purpose to not just entertain, but to provide a catharsis for the collective unspoken traumas and pains of the audience. These classic stories express most beautifully powerful human conflicts characteristic of our universal psychology.
The Medea Complex: The myth.
Euripides wrote Medea around 400 .B.C.. It is a story of intense love turned to such intense hate, that Medea kills her own children to get back at her husband for betraying her. Medea is so madly in love with Jason, that she tricks her own father, King Aeetes, who guards the Golden Fleece, and kills her own brother so that Jason could steal the Golden Fleece. (Jason might have done well to consider how she treated her father and brother before he married her.) Jason leaves Medea to marry yet another princess. Medea plans her revenge. The chorus blames Aphrodite for causing all the trouble, in having intense passion turns to hate. (The Greeks often displaced their psychodynamics onto their gods.) Medea offers the bride her gifts of a beautiful robe and chaplet. When Jason's new bride puts on the gifts, her head and body burst into flame and she dies a horrible, painful death. When her father embraced her corpse, he too bursts into flames and dies the same tortured death. Medea then takes her sword and kills their two children. The chorus amazed at the degree of Medea's vengefulness doubt that anything can rival a mother's slaughter of her own innocent children. Medea escapes Jason with a dragon drawn chariot. She taunts Jason not allowing him to embrace or bury his sons. She rejoices at having hurt him so.
Fred Pine (1995) refers to Medea as an example of a particular form of hatred found in women." Medea's internal experience is a compound of a sense of injury- a sense that builds to imagined public humiliation and a sense of righteousness. ... The righteousness implied here in "the wrong they have dared to do to me" has struck me clinically. It is a frequent accompaniment of hate and hate-based rage. I think it stems from something self-preservative ("I have been so mistreated that I have this right...") and some flaw in the super-ego, possibly based on identification with the child's experience of the rageful mother's giving herself full permission- and without subsequent remorse- to express her rage toward the child." (p.109). That is, Pine suspects that for a mother to be so destructive to her own children, she herself must have been exposed to her own mother's unremorseful hostility.
Jacobs' (1988) paper entitled, "Euripides' Medea: A psychodynamic model of severe divorce pathology" views the Medea mother as "narcissistically scarred, embittered dependent woman...(who) ...attempts to severe father-child contact as a means of revenging the injury inflicted on her by the loss of a self-object, her hero-husband." Jacobs' idea that the Medea mother is so dependent that she cannot deal with the loss, and thus holds on with hate.
Medea certainly has a flaw in her superego. We know this early on when she betrays her father and kills her brother to help Jason steal from them. But she not only kills his new bride and her father, but her own children. Her love turned to hate is so passionate that she destroys that which intimacy between them produced. The hate goes beyond her instinctive need to protect her own children. Medea must make Jason suffer more than she suffers for it to be a punishment with revenge.
Jason, "You loved them, and killed them."
Medea, "To make you feel pain."
The Medea Complex involves a mother who is still pathologically tied to her (ex)husband. She has a great deal of rage probably as Pines suggests (1995) from her interactions with her hostile mother. This rage is rooted in part with a wish to destroy the child, whom she at some level resents being stuck with and may turn her rage into overprotectiveness as a reaction formation. She is unable to let her children separate from her. She tells them the harm that will befall them when they are out of her control. When the mother wishes to punish the father by turning their children against him, she is also aggressing against the children. In her unconscious, both the children and the husband represent the same thing (others that did or might betray), and destructiveness is wished on them both. In short, a mother who brain washes her children against their father has a Medea Complex. She probably has paranoia or at least paranoid features within a borderline or psychotic character structure. She can not deal with the loss, and remains tied to her (ex)husband in an intimate hate, and keeps her children tied to her out of fear.
A Medea mother must kill off her own femininity in order to be destructive to her own children. As Lady Macbeth prays so that she will be able to help murder, "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here, and fill me from the crown to the toe topful of direst cruelty!" (Macbeth, act 1, scene 5 ).
Brain Washing and Parental Alienation Syndrome
I agree with Gardner's (1987) assessment that most mothers in custody disputes do some form of brain washing. I have done custody evaluations for over 15 years. I have found that mother's attempts to turn their children against their fathers in custody disputes are very common. I have also found that this is by far the most destructive aspect of divorce on children. I now consider brain washing children against a parent as a form of child abuse, since it leads to enduring psychopathology.
Kelly's (1993) longitudinal research of child's postdivorce adjustment found that the majority of children adjust to divorce, and older children express relief. Most symptoms last 6 months to 2 years post separation, and usually only involve adjustment disorders. Only about 10% of divorcing couples with children fight over custody. Of this group, at least one parent often has hostile and paranoid features. In a study of MMPI's given to parents in custody evaluations, the MMPI's of the parents who lost the custody dispute had significantly higher scores in Psychopathic Deviant (hostility), Paranoia, and Mania (narcissistic and impulsive tendencies), than parents who won the custody dispute (Otto and Collins, 1995). Children do adjust to divorce, except if a disturbed parent uses them as a pawn to punish the other parent. This traumatizes the child, and it's effects may be life long, and is often passed on generation after generation. (side note here from ME especially to MY children. This may be true, except in cases where the parent that won custody HAD POLITICAL CONNECTIONS and [il]legally won custody deapite being the lesser of the two parents.)
Gardner (1987) stated, "Although the mothers in these situations may have a variety of motivations for programming their children against their fathers, the most common one relates to the old saying, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'(Or in MY case a Narcissist/psychyopath man) ... Because these mothers are separated, and cannot retaliate directly at their husbands, they wreak vengeance by attempting to deprive their former spouses of their most treasured possessions, the children. And the brainwashing program is an attempt to achieve this goal."p.87. Gardner also feels that these mothers are aggressing against their own children by brain washing them against their fathers. "These mothers exhibit the mechanism of reaction formation, in that their obsessive love of their children is often a cover-up for their underlying hostility."p.87..."And when these mothers "win", they not only win custody, but they win total alienation of their children from the hated spouse. The victory here results in psychological destruction of the children which, I believe, is what they basically want anyway." P.88
Brain washing are conscious acts of programming the child against the other parent. But Gardner went on to describe what he refers to as "Parental Alienation Syndrome". The concept of the Parental Alienation Syndrome includes the brain washing component, but is more inclusive. It includes not only conscious but unconscious factors within the programming parent that contribute to the child's alienation from the other parent. Furthermore, it includes factors that arise within the child- independent of the parental contributions. The child may justify the alienation with memories of minor altercations experienced in the relationship with the hated parent. These are usually trivial and are experiences that most children quickly forget. These children may even refuse to accept evidence that is obvious proof of the hated parent's position. Commonly these children will accept as 100 percent valid the allegations of the loved parent against the hated one. "All human relationships are ambivalent... the concept of 'Mixed feelings' has no place in these children's scheme of things. The hated parent is 'all bad' and the loved parent is 'all good'(Gardner,1987).p.73.
Dunne and Hedrick (1994) in their research found that Parental Alienation Syndrome, "appeared to be primarily a function of the pathology of the alienating parent and that parent's relationship with the children. PAS did not signify dysfunction in the alienated parent or in the relationship between that parent and child." This study supports Gardner's definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome as a pathological reaction to a parent, and not a conflict arising out the real relationship with the rejected parent.
Gardner also refers to factors arising within the child which contributes to Parental Alienation Syndrome, such as the fear of losing the love of the alienating mother, since "the loved parent is feared much more than loved." p.90. Additionally, Oedipal factors are sometimes operative in the Parental Alienation Syndrome. A daughter may resent the father's new female partner, and may identify with her mother's jealousy and rage, and the daughter may revenge by rejecting him.
Damaged Ability for Separation and Intimacy
A daughter has first her mother as the primary love object, and then shifts to her father as the Oedipal love object. These two internal objects guide her attractions and patterns of intimacy. If she had in fact a rejecting father, but a healthy loving mother who does not turn her against the father, the daughter will have damaged relationships with men. But she has a good prognosis for overcoming this problem. Since her mother was healthy, the daughter can form love relationships built on that basic love relationship. (In my children's case I pray they can all over come the damage that thier alienating father has done to them) If however, her mother has a Medea Complex, that is she turns her daughter against her own father out of revenge, the daughter is more likely to have a damaged ability to love maturely. Both her primary love object, the mother and Oedipal love object, the father, are internally driving her to self defeating relationships. To love a man is to betray her mother. And, she can only love as she has been taught and shown. The daughter will find unconscious ways to undermine relationships. She can unconsciously undermine them in three ways: picking, provoking and distorting. (Here I somewhat disagree- I believe that any adult child of a malignant Narcissist/psychopath will undermine any relationship they have, no matter the gender- because of the Narcissist parents programing of the child to not let anyone else in!)
Picking: Denise comes from an upper middle class family. Denise's mother refused to let her father visit her, after their separation when Denise was five. By the time the court ordered shared custody, Denise's mother had brain washed her against her father. Denise refused to go with him. When she did go, the Parental Alienation Syndrome was so entrenched, that she provoked fights so bad, that eventually her father discontinued the shared custody. She had seen very little of her father since,and remained very close with her over protective paranoid mother. Denise and her mother where very symbiotic. Denise was also very protective of her mother, sensing her mother's need for her. When Denise entered treatment at 34, she had not been married, nor has she been able to be in an intimate relationship with a man for more than two years. She only had chemistry for men who were of a lower social class who were rejecting or abusive. She often suffered from depression and anxiety. She had trouble separating from these men. Denise was attracted to men who represented her mother's and her own image of her father as a "bum". Her attraction was also based on her attachment to her mother who was exploitive and destructive to Denise. These two love objects, her mother's view of the father, and the hostile mother- formed her attraction to men. Denise fell in love with men who were in fact both her mother and her fantasized Oedipal father- tainted by the mother. She alternately saw me as the overly controlling mother, or as the rejecting abandoning father. As she worked through the transference in treatment, she began to realize how her mother had distorted her father to her, and how her mother had used and injured her. I actively confronted her trivial complaints against her father as evidence of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Toward the fifth year of analytic treatment, Denise was able to feel deep attraction to and fall in love with a kind and reasonable man. When she felt irrational aggression toward him, she was able to defuse it with insight into her past programming. Denise also reconciled with her father,and enjoyed a new relationship with him.
Provoking: Lora came to treatment for phobias and general anxiety. She had little psychological mindedness, and at 37, though very attractive, had only rationalizations to explain why she had only short term unhappy relationships with men. She spoke about men as a typically disturbed gender. Her parents fought bitterly until their separation when Lora was 10. She lived with her mother who told her that her father was mentally ill and often made fun of him. She saw little of her father, who she devalued as ineffectual and crazy. When Lora would be in a relationship with a man, she would tell him that she is easy going and gets along with everyone. Yet, she would find the most outrageous ways to provoke everyone, particularly her boy friends. Even the most meek would be provoked to outrage. At which point Lora would distort the events and project the blame for the conflict onto the boy friend. She would tell him that he had distorted everything because of his personal problems, but that she could love him anyway. Lora would commonly enact this with me. She would act out. I would interpret her behavior to her, and she would some how rewrite history and complain, "You are projecting your personal problems on to me. How can I get better, if you don't have your own head on straight?" Lora was able to repeat her emotional past by provoking conflicts in her relationships. She resisted any interpretations into her own aggression, or that she was seeing me, and men as crazy and ineffectual. Lora was too tied to her mother's ego to be objective. She constantly tried to provoke fights with me. The transference was very rocky, and she remained provocative and insightless. She soon dropped out of treatment, thinking that I was more disturbed than her, thus repeating her usual pattern.
Distorting: Sue entered treatment at 46, with two failed marriages and many failed affairs. Sue's mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and she was hospitalized several times when Sue was a child. Although her parents remained together, it was a very conflicted relationship. She did not feel close to her cold father. Her mother was unpredictable and was often paranoid about her father. Her mother viewed Sue's developmental stages as separations and betrayals, and guilt induced Sue for her attempts at individuation. Her mother was very hostile to her father and men in general, who were considered the sole source of women's suffering. (Although, in this chapter, I define the Medea mother in the context of revenge in divorce, the Medea complex can exist in marriage where the mother has the paranoid perception of her husband as psychologically abandoning her. She will turn the children against him, and damage her children just the same.) I considered Sue to be a high functioning borderline. She is very intelligent and functioned very well in her profession, and had some close friendships. However, she regressed in intimacies. She became paranoid and depressed in her relationships with men. She would become extremely jealous, demanding, intolerant of separations, controlling and would have fits of rage as a reaction to imaged insults. She would drive even the most tolerant men away, and come to the conclusion that her mother was right all along about them. She distorted the men in her life to justify her rage. She became like her paranoid mother when she was with men. Although Sue in her six plus years of treatment made great progress in her self esteem, and became less likely to fall into deep depressions, she still had the tendency to regress in intimacy. Like most borderlines, she stayed better compensated outside of committed intimacies. Sue's reality testing remained good, except in intense committed intimacies, where the pressure to distort men becomes overwhelming. This distortion is rooted not so much in her relationship with her distant father, but more based on her terrifying relationship with her very disturbed mother. Distorting her perceptions of men allows her to act out and escape from terrifying intimacy, which she unconsciously fears will engulf her as did her mother. Destroying her relationships with men also helps keep her psychically tied to her mother.
People can repeat the emotional past by: picking someone who is likely to fit within their internal object world, by provoking someone to act in a way consistent with their internal object world, and they can distort so that the person at least temporarily seems part of their internal object world. Although I have presented the ways that people repeat their emotional past as three separate psychological mechanisms: picking, provoking and distorting, they almost always occur together. Many people seem healthier if they had picked a sicker partner. Yet if they are with a healthier partner, they may have to do more provoking and distorting to make them fit within their internal object world. More disturbed individuals provoke and distort more than higher functioning individuals who mainly repeat their past object relations by who they pick.
I have found that those people who have been brain washed against a parent in childhood will have very disturbed relationships. If they are to have a chance at healthy relationships, it will only happen if they can work through their distorted objects in the transference in the analytic frame of a committed intimacy with the therapist. The causal frame and nature of supportive counseling is much too superficial to work through the deep damage to early object attachment and development. Also, many non-analytically trained individuals, not working with unconscious distortions, take at face value the patient's complaints and memories, and thereby reinforce the brain washing and the psychopathology. Patients who have Parental Alienation Syndrome will frequently try to divorce the therapist, using the same or similar complaints of the brain washing parent. The Medea mother is unconsciously feared and she becomes a sacred cow. The adult patient will at first feel guilt at any feelings of aggression towards the mother, and often blames the therapist for feeling the aggression. After confidence is built that the therapist is neither destroyed or destroying, the patient will be able to take on their deeper feelings about their mother, and work them through.
However, when working with children with Parental Alienation Syndrome the work is more concrete and reality based. Rather than working through the transference, a form of "deprogramming" is necessary. This is a deviation from the usual neutral analytic stance. Young children need to idealize their parents as a source of self esteem. This idealization needs to be protected, however "errors" that the mother makes must be overtly pointed out to the brain washed child. The alienated parent is objectified through reality clarifications, and should eventually be brought into treatment with the child.
Three Generations of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Case Study
I offer this particular case study to 1) illustrate how the Medea complex can continue for generations, and 2) to provide a highly unusual example of a successful deprogramming.
Both Richard's parents were the first born of their gender from divorced parents. Both his mother and his father were turned against their fathers by their mothers, who prevented them from seeing or having a loving relationship with their respective fathers. Richard's mother also eventually cut off her relationship with her mother as well. Richard was raised by two parents with Parental Alienation Syndrome, he would marry someone with Parental Alienation Syndrome, and his children developed Parental Alienation Syndrome. His father was cold and distant. His mother was very hostile and paranoid. Richard's normal stages of separation were interpreted by his parents as betrayals. Their Parental Alienation Syndrome expressed itself in their transference that he was the abandoning father. Once Richard moved out of his home after high school, he too cut off his relationship with his family of origin.
Richard met Kathy in college. Kathy came from divorced parents, and came from very much the same family dynamics as Richard's mother. Though Richard felt he was attracted to someone from a very different social and religious background, he was never the less picking someone like his mother, who would treat him as did his mother. Kathy's father was an alcoholic and her mother was paranoid and provocative. Her mother would provoke the father to punish the children, but when he would beat them she would act helpless, and later align with her children against the father. She constantly included her children in her suspicions that their father was engaged in affairs. The mother used these suspicions to have an affair for which she felt entitled . Kathy told her father about the mother's affair which ended the marriage. They divorced when Kathy was a teenager. Kathy's experiences with her mother, were very similar to Richard's mother's experience with her mother. Kathy had no relationship with her father after her parent's divorce. She remained ambivalently tied to her mother, both hating her and feeling dependent on her, and had Parental Alienation Syndrome with her father.
Although she felt very dependent on Richard, Kathy was unable to express love and affection to him. Soon after they were married, Kathy accused him of having affairs, and scapegoated him for her fears and insecurities. She like Richard's mother never said that she loved Richard, and Richard never seemed to notice it. After four years of marriage, there were two unplanned pregnancies that gave them a daughter and then two years latter , a son. Kathy was very overwhelmed by this seconded pregnancy. She regressed and became very hostile to Richard. She feared having children, and told Richard that she was afraid that she might abuse them. Richard took an active role with the children, but Kathy began to interfere with his time with their children. She would manage to schedule activities during the times he was to be with his children. During his analysis, Richard was able to accept that his mother was unable to love him , and that he had picked someone who also would scapegoat him and be unloving. When Richard asked Kathy what she felt toward him, she admitted that after ten years of marriage that she never did love him nor could love him, that she was unable to love anyone. She admitted that she could only feel hate for him. This was enough for Richard to finally leave the marriage. Although they had agreed to joint custody of their son who was two and their daughter who was four, as soon as Richard found a loving relationship and he was happy, Kathy told him that he would have to go to court, if he would ever see his children again.
By the time of the home study, ordered by the custody officer, the children were brain washed against him. He had always been very involved with his children, but during the interim visits, the children were clearly more distant and cool to him. The social worker who had done the home study had been recently divorced and was bitter and wrote her report in favor of the mother, taking her complaints against Richard at face value. Richard petitioned the court to have Richard Gardner to be the court appointed impartial evaluator. Richard Gardner told Richard that he was biased in favor of mother's having custody since the mother's bond with the children is stronger. Gardner told him that he would have an up hill fight for 50% physical custody. Richard claimed that Kathy was paranoid and resented his happiness, and that she is bent on destroying his reputation and his professional practice and turn his children against him, and drive him out of town. Richard provided evidence of Kathy lodging a false ethics complaint against him to his local professional group, and spreading false rumors to his referral sources to destroy his practice. Gardner asked the daughter, then 6 years old, why she had to move from her home, she replied, "Because my mother was afraid that daddy would come and knock it down. Mommy said that she could never be happy until he was dead. Mommy hoped he was the one shot at the bank that was robbed" (referring to a mass shooting at a local bank.). Both the daughter and the son went on with their mother's brain washing against the father, all with the view that their father was immoral, evil, dangerous, should not be trusted or loved.
Gardner noted that the father was warmer and interacted more comfortably with the children and understood their emotional needs better than the mother. He stated that Kathy showed signs of paranoid delusions, that she was a fabricator and was brain washing her children against their father. He also stated that if it weren't for the father's prior frequent and positive involvement with his children, the Parental Alienation Syndrome would have been complete. He suggested that Richard have full legal custody and 50% physical custody.
In the years that followed, Kathy did not get involved with men and continued to undermine Richard's relationship with his children. When his children reached adolescence they refused to see him or talk with him. They both provoked and distorted in ways that the father would appear consistent with the mother's view of him. Richard had been sending both the children for therapy. The therapist had inadvertently reinforced many of the children's perceptions of the father, taking much of their complaints of him at face value.
Richard finally asked their therapist if he could be included in joint sessions with his children. Each child had a long list of secret complaints, they had not verbalized to their father, echoing their mother's perceptions of him as a bad person. Consistent with Parental Alienation Syndrome, these perceptions took on a mental life of their own. The complaints were trivial or false memories. The children's therapist immediately saw the unfairness and distortions in their complaints. For example, his daughter claimed that one Christmas when she was six, her father gave her coal for Christmas. His daughter said, "You thought this was funny, I tried not to show my hurt, but I was very hurt." The father firmly stated that this never happened. This denial was evidence according to the children of their father's defensiveness. Richard gave his daughter the phone number of his former girlfriend who was there at the time, so that his daughter might ask her if he ever had given her coal for Christmas. His daughter avoided the phone call, unconsciously needing to maintain her view of her father . The father told the therapist that he had video taped much of their childhood, and said that he was certain that he had recorded the Christmas in question. The next session Richard brought into the session a small TV/video player. He first played a scene about an incident recalled by his son. He claimed that Richard was brain washing him against his mother while playing a board game that he distinctly remembered ten years ago when he was four years old. His son reversed the source and aim of the brain washing, thereby protecting his mother. When his son saw the very scene on the tape, he was struck how young he seemed. He seemed confused that not only didn't the incident occur as he had remembered it, but that his father was being very supportive and sensitive to his needs, and that he was clearly enjoying his father. The Christmas scene showed both children excitedly opening many presents and playing with their cherished toys with utter delight. There was no coal. The both children were amazed by what they were watching. They had been certain of their vivid memories of 10 years ago, when they were small children, and were also certain that their father was a liar. Now they stated that they could have been wrong. In the next session, Richard read the section of Gardner's report stating that their mother had brain washed them against him. The daughter stated to her younger brother who was still struggling with his feelings, that " you are where I was at two years ago. What he is saying is probably true. I know that now." Following that session, Richard's daughter who had not spoken to him for two years asked to go with him on vacation to Oxford, England. The two went off together and their trip was a great success. Eventually both children expressed a wish to see more of their father, after they realized that they were brain washed against him.
Not everyone can produce a video tape to disprove a false accusation, prejudice or to deprogram brain washing, though we often wish we could. This does provide a clear, though unlikely example of the use of reality to deprogram brain washing and Parental Alienation Syndrome. This very active reality confrontation would not have been as effective with children who were not as intelligent and high functioning. Also it was crucial that Richard had fifty percent physical custody since their early childhoods, which helped to reinforce a real loving relationship on an unconscious level. Once the daughter reached almost 16, she felt more independent of her mother, and more receptive to the reality confrontation and could use it constructively. Her brother also began to come around as well. This case illustrates that the Medea complex can continue for generations, in choice of love objects, ability to maturely love, and the treatment of children. As Richard told his children during a session, "This has been going on for several generations, and I'm going to do what ever it takes so that you won't have to go through it. Let it stop here."
References
Biller, H.B. (1971)"Fathering and female sexual development." Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. 5,11, 126-138.
Dunne,J.,and Hedrick,M. (1994) "The parent alienation syndrome: An analysis of sixteen selected cases." Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 21,3-4, 21-38.
Gardner, Richard A.,(1987) The Parental Alienation Syndrome and the Differentiation Between Fabricated and Genuine Child Sex Abuse. Creative Therapeutics. Cresskill, New Jersey.
Jacobs, J.W.(1988) "Euripides' Medea: A psychodynamic model of severe divorce pathology." American Journal of Psychotherapy. 42,2, 308-319.
Juni,S. And Grimm,D.W.(1993)"Sex-role similarities between adults and their parents." Contemporary Family Therapy.15,3,247-251.
Kelly, J.B. (1993) "Current research on children's postdivorce adjustment: No simple answers." Family & Conciliation Courts Review. 31 (1) 29-49.
Kramer,S. (1995). "Parents' hatred of their children: An Understudied Aspect of Cross-Generational Aggression." In The Birth of Hatred. Ed. By Akhtar, S., Kramer, S., and Parens,H.pp3-14. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale,N.J.
Olver, R.R.; Aries, E.and Batgos, J. (1989) " Self-other differentiation and the mother-child relationship: The effects of sex and birth order." Journal of Genetic Psychology,150,3, 311-322.
Otto, R.K. and Collins,R. (1995) "Use of the MMPI-2/MMPI-A in Child Custody Evaluations. In Y. Ben-Porath, J. Graham,G.C.N. Hall and M. Zaragoza (eds.) Forensic Applications of the MMPI-2 . Newbury Park, Ca. Sage Publications.
Pine,F,(1995) "On the Origin and Evolution of a Species of Hate: A Clinical-Literary Excursion." In Akhtar,S., Kramer,S., Parens,H.,Eds. The Birth of Hatred. Developmental, Clinical, and Technical Aspects of Intense Aggression.pp 105-132. Jason Aronson Inc. Northvale, New Jersey, London.
Steele,B.F. (1970). "Parental abuse of infants and small children." In Parenthood.ed. J.Anthony and T. Benedek, pp. 449-477. Boston:Little, Brown.
Troll, L. (1987)"Mother-daughter relationship through the life span." Applied Social Psychology Annual. 7, 284-305.
Wallerstein, J.S. and Corbin,S.B.(1989)."Daughters of Divorce: Report from a ten-year follow-up." American Journal of Orthopsychiatry. 59(4) 593-604.
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Original Article -
MMPI-2 Information, Continuing Education, and Psychology Books by Dr. Robert M. Gordon
In IndianaCRC@yahoogroups.com, "Bud Labitan, MD MBA"
To date Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25th has been
recognized or proclaimed by:
ONE Canadian City
THIRTEEN US States
and BERMUDA
click below to view the proclamations/recognitions:
Edmonton, Alberta - Mayor Mandel
Alabama - Governor Riley
Arkansas - Governor Beebe
Connecticut - Governor Rell
Florida - Governor Crist
Georgia - Governor Perdue
Indiana - Governor Daniels
Iowa - Governor Vilsack
Kentucky - Governor Fletcher
Maine - Governor Baldacci
Mississippi - Governor Barbour
Montana - Governor Schweitzer (recognition)
Nebraska - Governor Heineman
West Virginia - Governor Manchin
The Islands of BERMUDA
Below the original author askes
"Where is California and New York?"
Because they have both proclaimed April 25th as Parent Alienation Awareness Day.
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