Friday, October 19, 2007

False Domestic Violence Accusations Can Lead To Parental Alienation Syndrome

Domestic Violence and Child Abuse destroy lives.

These topics are to important to be falsely used and abused in Divorce litigation!

Wake up people, before we can stop or get a hold on either topic, the real abusive adults need to stop crying wolf!

Once an abusive adult manages to remove the other parent, the children take the brunt of the abusers abuse, and that goes for MALE and FEMALE abusers!

Yeah I said it- WOMEN perpetrators of Domestic Violence- Wake up- there are women abusers that are so abusive they make some men abusers look like amatures! I know of more than one personally..

It's time to stop buying into the B.S. fed to you.. by special interest groups with a personal agenda!

Below in red are my opinions on this article..

David Heleniak

October 18, 2007
False domestic violence (DV) restraining orders can lead to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), a pattern of thoughts and behavior that can develop in a child of separated parents where the custodial parent causes the child to unjustifiably fear and/or hate the other parent.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a pattern of thoughts and behavior that can develop in a child of separated parents where the custodial parent causes the child, through manipulation and access blocking, to unjustifiably fear and/or hate the other parent. PAS is more than brainwashing, in that the child comes to actively participate in the degradation of the target parent, coming up with original (often ludicrous) reasons to fear/hate him or her.

Domestic violence (DV) restraining orders are a perfect weapon for an alienating parent. Typically, in addition to removing an accused abuser from the marital home, a DV restraining order also "temporarily" bars the accused abuser from seeing his or her children, and "temporarily" gives the accusing parent exclusive physical custody. And temporary, in the Family Court, has a funny way of becoming permanent.
Obtaining a restraining order based on a false allegation of domestic violence gets the target parent out of the house and out of the picture. A father who can't see his kids, for example, is unable to rebut the lie "Daddy doesn't love you anymore. That's why he left you." Nor can he rebut the alternate lie, "Daddy is dangerous. The wise judge said so. That's why he can't see you."

Often, if an accused abuser is allowed to see his or her children, it is in a supervised visitation center. As Stan Rains observed in "Supervised Visitation Center Dracula," "The demeaning of the 'visiting' parent is readily visible from the minute that a person enters the 'secured facility' with armed guards, officious case workers with their clipboards and arrogant, domineering managers.... The child's impression is that all of these authority figures see Daddy as a serious and dangerous threat. The only time a child sees this type of security is on TV showing prisons filled with bad people." Not only does visitation in a visitation center send the clear message to the child that the "visiting" parent is a bad person, if children decline to see their parents under such a setting, they are generally not forced to do so. More perversely, if a child is encouraged by the custodial parent to refuse to see the target parent, there will be no significant repercussion to the targeting parent, and, generally, the child will not be forced to see the target parent.

The more time a child spends away from the alienated parent, the worse the alienation will become. As psychologist Glenn F. Cartwright remarked in his article "Expanding the Parameters of Parental Alienation Syndrome," "the old adage that time heals all wounds, such is not the case with PAS, where the passage of time worsens rather than heals the affliction. This is not to say that time is unimportant: on the contrary, time remains a vital variable for all the players. To heal the relationship, the child requires quality time with the lost parent to continue and repair the meaningful association that may have existed since birth. This continued communication also serves as a reality check for the child to counter the effects of ongoing alienation at home. Likewise, the lost parent needs time with the child to ensure that contact is not completely lost and to prevent the alienation from completely destroying what may be left of a normal, loving relationship....

The alienating parent, on the other hand, requires time to complete the brainwashing of the child without interference. The manipulation of time becomes the prime weapon in the hands of the alienator who uses it to structure, occupy, and usurp the child's time to prevent 'contaminating' contact with the lost parent, depriving both of their right to spend time together and furthering the goal of total alienation. Unlike cases of child abuse where time away from the abuser sometimes helps in repairing a damaged relationship, in PAS time away from the lost parent furthers the goal of alienation.

The usual healing properties of time are lost when it is used as the primary weapon to inflict injury on the lost parent by alienating the child." Along these lines, Dr. Richard A. Gardner, who coined the term "Parental Alienation Syndrome" in 1985, maintained: "If there is to be any hope of their reestablishing a relationship with the targeted parent, PAS children must spend significant time with him (her). They must have living experiences that will demonstrate that the PAS parent is not noxious and/or dangerous."

A parent willing to falsely accuse the other parent of domestic violence would probably be willing to poison a child against him or her. Add to this the problem that a judge willing to "err on the side of caution" by entering a DV restraining order based on a dubious false allegation would probably not be willing to do what was necessary to prevent the development of PAS.

PAS is heart-wrenching and, tragically, common. If the DV restraining order system could be reformed so that only real victims obtained restraining orders and only real abusers were thrown out their houses, I predict that the number of PAS cases would be greatly reduced. Let's try to get there.

My opinion on this subject is that - False Domestic Violence Accusations Can Lead To Parental Alienation Syndrome and so can FALSE CHILD ABUSE accusations, used to gain the upper hand in an ugly divorce, I know this first hand!

The LIES my estranged husband told are not only causing my children to be alienated from me and the rest of thier family, but HE COST THE CITY A LAWSUIT ON MALICIOUS PROSECUTION AND NEGLIEGENT MISREPRESENTATION!

My children are old enough to understand this article and to understand that the same way this works against fathers, WHEN THIER FATHER used the same tactic against me [FALSE- Child abuse-restraining Orders] he was able to KEEP ME FROM MY BABIES!]

When will they figure out that everything they've been told is A LIE!

And apparently there are some strings being pulled behind closed doors to KEEP ME OUT OF THIER LIVES IN SPITE OF THE OVER TURNED B.S. ACS "indicated" case he used to get me out of thier lives originally!

Great Job New York!

I am a survivor of D.V. with the scars and transcripts to prove it, yet I allowed him to stay in their lives WHENEVER he wanted to see them, as long as he didn't abuse me! What an azz I was, the ultimate abuse was FALSE CHILD ABUSE ACCUSATIONS and taking my children away from me, and thanks to those women's groups I can wipe my *&% with a truly deserved, fairly obtained O.P. [apparently they see no reason to help a turly abused woman, once she's lost her children to the abuser!]

Great job "NOW" !

Original Article,
American Chronicle: False Domestic Violence Accusations Can Lead To Parental Alienation Syndrome


Letters To My Daughter said...

Oh man, Louise, I know exactly what you are dealing with. Lies don't seem to matter nearly as much as being the first one to cry 'wolf!' in family court. Facts just don't seem to make much difference and Lord have mercy on your soul if you cannot afford legal counsel. In many ways, this is my story, too and nothing I had to say was given any weight by the judge. I suppose the moral to the story is there is no way to live with an emotional or physical bully - it is only a matter of time before they discover a new and more evil tool to use against you than their words or fists: the family law system! My heart goes out to you and your kids. I hope one day they can look at the history of your case objectively and see what damage your ex's slanderous lies caused you (and especially them).

Anonymous said...

I has been 4 years, my daughters became two totally different persons. At the years of 10 and 12, they tell me that whatever happened 4 years ago, they cannot remember. They were living among the dark and monsters, but a light came to save them - "that's mom". I missed them much. Now i can only se them a few hours a month, yet each time we had to negotiate for time to be together.

a devastated father