Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Slapping a bandage on a bullet wound

I had to (Shrug)

I came accross this article about the massacre today, and my fingers started typing a relpy and I couldnt stop them, so here it is ..

( I doubt she'll post it)

I stand corrected - she posted it.

Original Google alert -

Slapping a Bandage on a Bullet Wound
By Sandra Ruttan(Sandra Ruttan) Dysfunctional families, emotional abuse at school and feelings of alienation compounded with a lack of healthy coping skills is a deadly combination, and the way society is going we're only going to see more of it, not less. ...Sandra Ruttan: On Life And Other... - http://sandrablabber.blogspot.com/index.html

My reply -

Has anyone stopped to think, perhaps the Government's intrusion on family life has proven to children that their parent or parents can't do anything if they act out and therefore these children are out of control?

Could it be the Governments proverbial hand tying of parents today, or the medicating of our children with psychotropic drugs sometimes as many as 20 different drugs a day for children in "the system" or children as young as four years old? Isn't it the psychotropic drugs that have recently been proven to be a possible cause for violent behavior or suicide?

Is it possible that the children who are killing at such a young age and at an alarming rate are children growing up with only one parent, because the other parent has been "labeled" the NCP and is lucky to have visitation rights if the other parent hasn't used false accusations to keep them away?

Is it at all possible that the laws in place are causing loving children to become killing machines?

Is it possible that these killing machines could be loose in a school or park near you and yours!

Don't you think it's time America wakes up and figures out that soon enough it WILL BE you and yours and not just them and theirs, that are caught in the cross fire, and demand change NOW!

I am not saying that SOME children may need medications, and some parents do abuse their children.

I believe the laws in effect were put there with good intentions, but isn't it time for a new crisp clean look at what the outcome has already done to society.

Louise Uccio

I've added Sandra's reply below-

Sandra Ruttan said...
Louise, very interesting points. I certainly know that the laws can impede those in authority - not just parents - from effectively dealing with problematic kids. You can't spank, if you restrain you'd better not have one staff member who doesn't support you... and so one day the kid goes off to the point where they pose a threat and get shot by a police officer. We have no intervention, no intervention and then the consequences are severe.The main problem is that even parents need guidance. Nobody applies to become a parent. You don't have to pass a course first. Sadly. Governments sometimes meddle with the alleged intent of protection (ie child abuse) but it's easy to circumvent. In one removal case I worked the parent moved across city lines, which meant we no longer had jurisdiction to pursue her. It's extremely frustrating.And I definitely agree about the medicating issue. Too many teachers support it first, because it helps them function, without considering the long term effects on the kids. If we invested more in education we could see the savings on the other side in the cost of lives, law enforcement, etc.As a Canadian, though, I can sympathize with what you say about your society, but my commentary is generally focused at my own, as it's the one I've got experience with. We're similar, but not completely the same, and I'm definitely not as familiar with US intervention laws.Randy, good for your sister. It's incredibly challenging, but that's the kind of relational, hands-on parenting that's needed. Medication is often not the answer. People think meds 'solve' ADD and ADHD - all they do is subvert symptoms for a period of time. You can't be medicated 24 hours a day. The result is that people use the meds as a solution often, and fail to teach those kids coping strategies.In the end, those children are often worse off.Olen, the media is a definite issue. Your question, why has fantasy entered into reality more and more, is an interesting one and could be the catalyst for a thesis. Is it because video games, computer games and tv are used as rewards and babysitters? Have - especially for boys - those things replaced the role of books in the developmental phases? Look at us now, 'virtually' communicating. More and more we deal with computer screens instead of flesh and blood people. Is this contributing to desensitization , to larger groups growing up without empathy and connection to other humans? Is it similar to issues faced when wild animals are abandoned or orphaned in the early stages of life? We've watched it here, where efforts are made to reintegrate a whale with a pod, for example, and sometimes the calf isn't interested, and sometimes the calf is rejected. In those cases the calf ends up dead, causing problems in their natural environment or in a zoo.I wonder if, in some fashion, we're seeing the results of similar impact on people. We all know some people are more sensitive than others. If children have two homes with different parents, different rules and bounce between those environments and daycare are they growing up with the proper grounding they need to feel secure? I think this is where the problems start, for some. The girl I mentioned who bullied me all through elementary school was one of thirty kids in a class, and one of the only ones back then with parents who were divorced. It was 'odd' then. Looking back I think that a lot of her behaviour was attention-seeking, but I can see that in her case she was failed. Later, she got that attention from boys, and in the wrong way.I do think that violence is a part of youth. It used to be that children grew up on farms and had experience with life and death and reality from an early age. And societies concocted fairy tales to teach the young. These stories were often scary and extreme. Today, we water them down. We soft-pedal even things like the risk of stranger abduction. Kids worry more about being rejected by adults if they're honest so they suppress things and keep them secret. It's better to have a secure dynamic where a kid can feel they can be honest and talk things through without being lectured or treated like a freak.Anyway... interesting thoughts from all of you. No simple solutions, though, and now the world will watch as a the people affected by yesterday's events try to cope. And a new group of kids will see that this is a way to get attention.


Sandra Ruttan said...

Thanks for posting Louise. I typically only censor spam from my blog, and I thought your comments were rather insightful. Even my own assertions on the issue are reactive.

We react to the fact that society is broken, the family units are broken, our community fabric is coming apart at the seams.

I walk all sorts of delicate lines in my thinking, at risk of contradicting myself. I'm strongly opposed to child abuse, but I can accept spanking, although society frowns on it. I know that's not politically correct, but fundamentally I believe in letting kids learn from experience wherever possible. If a child's reaching for a hot burner I don't mean let them touch it, but if you give their hand a swat you translate the equation - hot burner=pain. The problem is, as always, people let their reactions become extreme.

Children absolutely do know how much power they have over parents and authority figures. They learn quickly, because they're always pushing the limits. And when parents don't intercede they just push more and more. In some cases the laws are preventing parents from protecting their children and raising them properly.

Anyway, I empathize with you. I don't know your personal history, but your bio and blog make it clear that life has not been easy and you've seen darkness. Even for other victims of abuse, it's never the exact same. With your kids...maybe it isn't fair to say, but don't give up hope. I went 8 years with no contact with my mother, but we're slowly rebuilding now - it can happen. Healing is a process, and takes a lot of time, but I think you have a lot of courage just coming here and sharing from your life.


Eugene Weixel said...

Parents are being robbed of their ability to discipline, that is to teach their children right from wrong.

Having worked for ten years as a "child protector" in New York City I can say that most parents who were "indicated" for "excessive corporal punishment" and so forth were simply trying to be parents, a job not so easy even without idiotic government intervention.

One question- did you ever meet a social worker who could honestly say "You know, I could have been a doctor"...