Ha, interesting is an understatement!
Ok so big shit who cares?
If you had a half a brain you would not only care, you would open you eyes and listen like you've never listened to anything before in your life. Get a pen or open your word pad I don’t care if you lick it onto your arm just pay attention and take notes.
Pay really close attention to this topic, it could make or break ya!
There I go again, being so blunt and downright nasty, what is up with that?
I don't get it!
Nooo, I REALLY don't get it!
Life is such an amazing teacher, yet life's students are so flippin stuck in misery that they refuse to learn from it.
I have to ask, why?
Why is it so hard for people to take a step back and see how they get in their own way of happiness?
Notice, I said take a step back. Why did I say that?
Well, ever try to see a GIANT painting on the wall from one inch way from it? It’s not possible, you’re to close. In order to SEE that painting of your life you have to stand back and be objective.
Lets for a moment imagine you are an art appraiser. You boss hands you an assignment to go to Mr. Blah Blah’s home and appraise his work. You recognized the name and address. It’s you old neighbor, the one you couldn’t get along with that caused you to move to another neighborhood. But now you are called upon by your employer to go to this gentleman’s home and evaluate the art work. You’d like to think your objective enough to be fair. Your NOT! You walked into this man’s home with a negative attitude before you even got to his neighborhood. As it turns out Mr. Blah blah is moving, his home is in chaos (imagine this is your life in chaos), there’s furniture (chaos - equal to the people, places and things in your own life) everywhere it’s hard to get a good look at this painting (your life).
You need room to step back in order to see it. But there’s clutter everywhere. (no one is giving you room in your life- they only cause more and more drama so that your in a fog)
Do you think you can objectively asses this painting? Or is it more likely that the preconceived bias, drama and chaos would cloud your assessment?
Now on a conscious level most of ya are saying.. well not me! I am always unbiased. Well, how about if that bias is not a negative bias, how about if it were a positive bias. Now imagine for a moment that Mr. Blah Blah was your brother.
You did the appraisal, now the art is appraised a lil more than it was really worth, or a lot more than it was worth. (similar to the way you see players in your life using the same kind of bias) Now your boss found out and you lose your job and get blackballed in your field. Can you see how not assessing this situation correctly could ruin your career? How you could have gotten in your own way?
Why is it that I can hear the excuses now.. I hear you thinking from all the way in bum (&&^% where ever it is that you live…
I don't get in my own way.. Mr. blah blah.. ABC or XYZ .. Yeah yeah blah!
Not me it's Sara, Paul, Frank, John.
Or, if Harry did or didn't..
Or it's Mary she's so blah blah...
I'm doing the best I can...
Or, Tom he's always whining... or doing whatever..
Notice the pattern here? It's always someone else?
Now sometimes as in the case I'm gonna describe below IT IS SOMEONE ELSE.. or more than one someone else!
But I play a major role in it.. I'M HERE TO WITNESS IT!
So that in and of itself is MY PROBLEM!
With that said.. at least I'm learning.. I'm learning from my own insanity! And well.. as long as ya learn from your own insanity .. your on the right track.
So.. it's 6 flippin thirty in the morning.. what the hell has my (&^% in such an uproar?
Who pissed me off enough already that I'm online venting before my coffee got cold?
Well, right this minute it's my mother..
My negative mother!
That woman spends 99% if not 100% of her day thinking negatively.. causing her own drama!!
First thought this morning was NEGATIVE last thought last nite was NEGATIVE!!
Yesterday and the day before .. Last week and the week before .. NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE …IT'S DRAINING.... EXAUSTING.. DRAINING ...ABUSIVE.. DRAINING...!!!!!
They steal my positive energy! They wont stop until I snap on them! They force me into some kind of (&^% that they need me to be to PLAY OUT their miserable childhoods!
I refuse to play when I see it coming..
Then they INVOLVE ME and MAKE SURE THEY GET ME TO PLAY - THEY DON'T STOP TILL i SNAP!!!!
I NEED TO AVOID THESE TOXIC PEOPLE LIKE THE PLAUGE!
They either have to stop causing their own misery and writing me into the script or they have to GO AWAY!!
Yeah some of em.. are outrageously awesome GOOD or good hearted people..but when they're stressed.. their favorite victim stance is EXHAUSTING!!
They allow themselves to get involved in the psychobabble of their pasts.. they stress then they short circuit and off they go …
NEGATIVE BRINGS MORE NEGATIVE.. BRINGS MORE NEGATIVE.. ROUND AND ROUND THE NEGATIVE TREE THE VICTIMS PLAY.. ROUND AND ROUND THEY GO.. TILL NOTHING POSITIVE IS LEFT IN ANY SITUATION.. NEGATIVE ENERGY WHICH IS EXAUSTING!
Ok so if this is about my mother.. why blog..
Because it's NOT just about my mother.. its about ...Et all... Et all???
(excuse me a moment while my ID (mr f&^% it) my EGO (mr I'll make it go away) and my SUPER EGO (make sure society accepts my behavior) fight.
Ok, et all? Yeah et all!
So many people in my life are exactly the same.. as they are in YOUR LIFE!
Yes the people we surround ourselves with.. are EXACTLY like we are! So take a look at the person you choose to spend the most time (COMFORTABLY) not someone you are with out of no fault of your own… such as a coworker or a tenant or a neighbor..
I’m talking about someone you call “friend or partner” and SEE YOURSELF!
Unless the person you are looking in the mirror for has been in long term therapy- then you may be exactly like they WERE.. (ready for change) and NOW it's YOUR TURN- to become more aware!
Ever hear that saying? Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who YOU are?
Pfttt of course if your friends and people you choose to spend time with are trouble makers.. or whiny drama queens/kings, you're probably sitting there saying.. oh this chick has no idea what she's talking about..
YEAH RIGHT! Wake the &^$% up!
It's YOU that I'm speaking the loudest to.
Ummm that's not fair is it? *&^_y&% YEAH it's fair..
Well how can it be fair?
Your thinking.. I'm such a good person, if it wasn't for me.. then blah blah blah (insert some natural or man made disaster the eternal victim wants to imagine here).
Ok whatever.. this post isn't for you so go see how you can get in your own way today..
Let the ones that are ready to "get it" read the rest of this post.
Yeah that's right.. if right about now your pointing fingers at anyone other than yourself..
Go away.. your not ready!
You obviously haven't figured out how you are your own worst enemy.. and you need to do more damage to your life before you get it.
Come back after you've shot yourself in the foot five or six more times and then re-read this post!
Ahhhh good.. I've gotten rid of all the negative energy in the area!
Now, for the rest of ya. I'm gonna ask you to use critical thinking for this exorcise..
That means.. put some emotional distance between your thoughts.. when coming up with answers.. think logically!
Take emotion out.. you can never come to an honest answer using emotions...
Emotions cloud our judgment.. it's that whole baggage thing our dysfunctional parents instilled in us.. that Fear Obligation Guilt thing, manipulators use against us.. Keeping us in a FOG!
Because of my own dysfunctional thinking my entire life.. I gravitated to others that thought just as dysfunctionally as I did.
Well DUH.. do any of your own research and that's a no brainer!
But wait a min.. I'm NOT suppose to know that.. Well DUH again.
Of course your not suppose to know that.. it wasn't written in the original contract that you would never "get it"
Umm hello! Stop fighting with yourself and get on with the blog post Louise..
Ok ok ok back to this morning.. I've put myself in a bad situation.
Yeah that's putting it mildly! (forgive ID, EGO and SUPER EGO- they're out of control today)
I left home at 12.. 12? Yeah 12 years old!
My mother is one of the most dysfunctional beings on the planet... living under her control was DANGEROUS and EXHAUSTING!
Ok.. and you're telling these nice people this why?
Oh shushhhhh the voices in my head dayum it.. I'm trying to post here.. shut them up already!
That woman could have drained the cement out that was used to build the wall of China simply with her emotional negative DRAINING energy!
Yeah I know, you all know people like that.. perhaps YOU are like that?
Yeah right.. I'd love to see your face right now as you search your life to put that blame on someone else!
Your not draining.. like I said earlier ... it's (insert name) ANY NAME BUT YOUR NAME!!!!!! (eye roll)
Ok back to the queen of drama MY mother.
So if I left at 12.. obviously I didn't have this awesome relationship with her.. why the hell would I be still whining about her today.. almost 9000 years later?
WHY? Because I left myself vulnerable and put myself in a position that I felt I had no choice than to temporarily set up camp under the same roof as her for as short a time as possible.
But notice here.. I accepted responsibility for MY SCREW UP and how I ended up back here..
I spent years not talking to her while I got my thoughts together.. It wasn’t possible to keep her in my life while I worked thought the drama of who what where and how I ended up where I was.. I couldn’t see clearly with her negative energy draining my brain cells.
Anywho.. that's not the issue here.. or is it?
I moved away and went on my merry way and found… happiness?
Ya don’t leave an abusive home and EVER find happiness until “YOU GET IT”
So nooooooo I went into one dysfunctional relationship after the next..
Within the last 10 years.. I did get it.. I had to hit rock bottom with this parent alienation and abuse of power thing but I hit rock bottom and began to crawl out.. I refused to stop searching for answers until I “GOT IT”
Here comes the really messed up part. I had made such amazing friends while I was still very dysfunctional and had zero awareness.
Friends that I couldn’t understand what it was that brought us together, they seemed so functional, as did their families.
Check out this link for the method to that mind set and how it really works..
Click here: Mental Health - Repetition Compulsion Simplified and Conquered
Anywho.. Some of the dear friends I’ve made while “finding the truth out about myself” did so many amazing things for me.. They treated me and others like gold. What was I to do when I figured out that YES THEY DID TREAT ME AND OTHERS LIKE GOLD.. But while they were building me or others the bridge to the moon.. They didn’t notice they threw me or others under the ladder they were using and I or others was/were crushed in the interim. I can’t deny those dysfunctional friends would do anything for me or anyone else and then some.. And they DID on the one hand! But like I said .. They were blind to the damage they were causing with the other hand... because of their own dysfunction..
At one point in my travels.. I was forced to leave a situation I was in.. against my hearts wishes.. I left part of my heart there but I had to get my body out - it was toxic!
However, I couldn’t think with my heart that’s how abusers “get in” we allow people to abuse us at times through another person that can‘t keep the gate closed..
The situations I've put myself in when I wasn't thinking healthy weren't healthy.. because of all of the negative thinking.. transference of anger.. and really bad choices that were being made..by so many players, which I found myself the unhappy target of..more than once with more than one person. I spent all of my energy and many years trying to come up with a grey area that would work..
When all was said and done abuse was still getting in.. and I had to make the healthy choice of not allowing it to happen anymore..
Someone attempted to point the finger at me.. saying.. I was the one with the negative all or nothing thinking since I chose to leave..
This was an all or nothing decision after I had spent countless hours/days/weeks/months/years assessing the big picture, using critical thinking and staring down the truth.. The changes that were being made weren’t enough to stop the pain..
And when all was said and done, the pain was to much to bare..
Gotta free yourself of that emotional pain or it’ll kill ya from the inside out!
And I've died inside to many times to allow it ever again!
Now when you find yourself the target of an over abundance of negativity it's almost impossible not to react! Then.. well... you end up playing on the " Victim triangle - Karpman drama triangle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia" a place I refuse to visit again.
But I found myself there even after I'd begun to "get it".. well what the *&^% ... how did that happen?
I'll tell ya man... the human mind is un(&&%ing believable!
But didn’t I just say I’m here with my mother in another TOXIC place?
So, didn’t I know she was toxic and wouldn’t have changed..
In other words what makes THIS toxic place a better place than other toxic plaes I've been?
Other toxic places had lots of transferred anger meant for someone else firing at me what felt like 24/7.
This toxic place.. There isn’t anyone in therapy and so the toxic energy isn’t being misplaced on ME! It’s just over dramatic chaos.. Which I can avoid!
In the other toxic places the shots to my mind, body and soul were unavoidable..
I tried .. and tried.. the people I tried to share awareness with weren’t ready to see it!
FACTS ARE - when one comes from dysfunction (defined in so many ways - I couldn’t possibly get into them all here.. but physical abuse is only the tip of the iceberg- dominating parent[s] intrusive parent[s] overbearing parent[s] self absorbed parent[s] also known as the narcissists/psychopaths Characteristics of narcissistic mothers also fit right in there with abusive - actually they are the worst.. cuz it's not what one would "label" abusive. enmeshed (to lose for comfort - everyone knows what everyone else is doing WRONG in the eyes of the enmeshed leader)
That the kind of abuse ya don't easily identify as abuse, but it's abuse nonetheless!
Anyway.. as I was saying.. when one comes from abuse they are UNCONCIOUSLY attracted to abusers or others that can recreate the drama from their childhood!
No flippin way! Shut this chick up.. she has no idea what she's talking about!
THINK AGAIN! This time use critical thinking.. put space between your loved parent and yourself.. then think..
(1) Does my parent think negatively? (Use this link to see what negative thinking really is -
(Do you indulge in "Stinkin' Thinking"? - Mental Health - Families.com - only this time read it without pointing fingers at anyone but YOURSLEF - if you want to free yourself from your own hell the PATTERNS you play out that keep you stuck in misery -
Our Pathway Home, Emotional Healing: People, Pain and Patterns
Excerpt - Patterns are repetitive behaviors or modes of response, created by frozen or denied pain. They are mostly outside our conscious awareness, existing in our blind spot, although often fairly easy for others to identify in us.
Patterns are both,a way of behaving in the world,and a way of seeing the world.
(2) Does my parent cause their own drama?
(3) Did my parent[s] raise me to feel good about myself?
(4) Do I have internal anger waiting to be released on anyone at any moment including myself (depression is anger without the energy)
If any of this looks or sounds familiar after evaluating it from a stance of emotional distance when reading it..
STOP the misery merry- go- *&%- round of your life..
STOP lying to yourself!
YOU CAN'T BREAK THESE PATTERNS WITHOUT LOOKING WITHIN - WITHOUT ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR ROLE IN IT NOT ENDING!
YA CAN'T GET OFF PLANET DYSFUNCTION (a term I use in my upcoming book) WITHOUT EXCRUCIATING PAIN.. PAIN OF ACCEPTING THAT WHERE YOU CAME FROM AND WHY YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE .. IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO THOSE YOU'D RATHER NOT BLAME YOUR TOXIC PARENT[S]- CAREGIVERS!!
DON'T PLAY OUT YOUR PARENT[S] HORRIBLE MARRIAGE OVER AGAIN -
DON'T PLAY OUT SOMEONE ELSES AGENDA!
DON'T RUIN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE IT'S TO PAINFUL TO ACCEPT!
YOU HAVE A CHOCE - STICK A SOCK IN THAT FLOWING NEGATIVE THINKING..
THOSE ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS - YET THEY ARE HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE IN MISERY!
THEY'VE BECOME THE ONLY THOUGHTS YOU KNOW!
YOUR COMFORT ZONE IS TOXIC!!!
DON’T SIT ON THE FENCE AFTER YOU FIGURE IT OUT - HERE IS THE ONLY TIME IT’S ALL OR NOTHNG.. YOU MUST COMPLEATELY STOP THE ABUSERS YOU CAN’T HALF-WAY STOP THEM.. THEY WILL GET IN AS LONG AS YOU HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP THEM 100% OF THE TIME.. THE END!
Read- educate yourself.. make as much change as is necessary to NOT ALLOW in the troublemakers- the negative thinking that drain you and get in your way of happiness!
Baby steps WON’T WORK with abusers!!
Baby steps to rid your life of drama, chaos and negativity.. wont work if you haven’t looked within and realized that you are carying the baggage they forced you to carry ..
You are stuck .. stuck in a negative thought pattern.
Once you begin to see this .. try to make larger steps..
There needs to be MAJOR changes to your thinking!! If you are the child of anyone of the abusive types then you think NEGATIVELY and that has been the ONLY WAY YOU KNOW HOW TO THINK..
That’s going to take a very conscious effort to stop!
It’s hard as hell to change negative thinking to positive thinking..
But start by thinking about your thinking..
Yeah right .. Say that five times fast!
No, dayum it that wasn’t funny..
Think about how you came to a resolution..
Then think about that..
Was it based on FACTS?
Was it based on “feelings” well I’ll bet you my kidneys.. Your first thought or first conclusion is ALWAYS based on feelings..
And if you don’t give that thought any more thought..
And then more though ton that thought.. Guess what?
You left yourself open to being a victim!
CUZ EVERY TIME YOU THINK WITH ONLY FEELINGS.. WITHOUT SEEING FACTS ..
NOT FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO BE THERE.. OR FACTS THAT YOU TWISTED INTO YOUR VERSION OF BEING RIGHT..
WHEN THE GOAL OF A RESOLUTION IS TO BE RIGHT.. YOU WILL NEVER COME UP WITH A FAIR OR HONEST ASSESMENT OF THE SITUATION!BUT F A C T S UNBIASED FLIPPIN FACTS- WILL GET YOU THERE!!!
IF YOU HAVEN’T DONE THIS WITH EVERY THOUGHT OR CONCLUSION YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE A VICTIM!
SORRY TA BURST YOUR BUBBLE BUT BEING AROUND AN ETERAL VICTIM IS EXHAUSTING AND DANGEROUS TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!!
The really sad part here .. Is that emotional vampires won’t look within.. The problem is everyone else in their life..
Check these links out..
How to spot an Emotional Vampire eHow.com
Emotional energy healing is a technique that transforms our beliefs habits that we have been conditioned with
Browsing Search Results for emotional vampires // BlogCatalog
The Emotional Vampire Suvivial Guide: Emotional Freedom in Action by Judith Orloff, M.D. brought to you by Kajama.
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