In these videos Judge Judy berates a young woman for obtaining a protective order against her ex-fiance' after she caught him with another woman. The young woman trespassed upon his property and kicked in his door at 3:00am. Later that week she filed for the protective order and two days following that took their child to see the father. Although Judge Judy found that the woman made a false allegation of DV, by her own admission, the woman proclaimed “I don't know what I did wrong” “I did everything right” and actually called Judge Judy “crazy”.
Video and original link - Judge Judy Exposes Woman's False Accusation of Domestic Violence
False allegations destroy lives- and should be a felony! I know this first hand. Mr wonderful [ex-husband] (said tongue in cheek) and his cronies (politial connections) FRAUDULENTLY removed my children in 2001 based on false allegations WITHOUT ONE OUNCE OF PROOF- DESPITE PROOF OF THE CONTRARY!
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17 comments:
I am a child of parental alienation. I am fascinated by these blogs. I wish my own alienated mother would have something like this for me to go to so I can get..I don't even know. Maybe your kids can see this and it can help them if they feel like I do.
Jessica, thank you for commenting on here. It's really sad that most alienated parents are so hurt, heartbroken and broken they can't figure out what happened to them. Most of them (for a while myelf included) are so drained that it's tough enough to get through the day.
I'm positive that even though your mom may not have done somethng like this.. if she knew how or had the emotional energy to do it I'm positive she would have.
Know that no matter what you feel.. she adores you more than her own life and she's a very broken woman because she didn't have the right to raise her pride and joy- YOU!
I'll pray that you make it your mission to find her and make amends! You need it as much as she does, or it will creap back into every relationsip you are ever in.
Try not to judge her, she needs you to love her unconditionally!
I wish you both the relationship that was stolen from you both!
I wasn't going to write to you since I expressed myself on my blog instead, but my friend told me I should since what you said was clearly not intended to upset me and it looks like you really try to help others. She convinced me that I should sort of help YOU by letting you see how your words made me feel. I have such mixed feelings. Alienated parents who have been wronged probably always have to prove their worth to others in some way and all they have are their words and actions. So you have to be extra sensitive with what you say. I explain my feelings in my blog, so I don't want to clog up your comment box here. I do have an open mind and want to continue my communication with others on this topic, but I admit for a moment there I went in complete agreement with a blog I linked to on my site. You can delete this if you like. It's more like an email than a comment of your post.
Jessica,
First I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else with my words. That is not my intention.
However, people who have been alienated (usually were abused in one way or another as children themselves) often hear and see things through "victim" ears and eyes.
In other words "our stories" from childhood equate to us getting treated like shit.. slighted, abused and or somehow wronged.. and "our story" today, always ends with us being able to prove to ourselves the way we feel is justified.. hence we create "our story" today to fit our story then!
I'm not going to go look at what you wrote because I just don't have the time or energy.. but I will say that if I offended you I am truly sorry!
With that in mind, maybe looking at what I said in an objective light you may not 'feel' so slighted or offended.
Thank you for trying to 'show me' how 'I' offended 'you.'
I'll try to be more sensitive to the type of reader I may have at any given time. I'll remember how I use-to see and hear things said to or about me, when I was seeing and or listening with [emotionally] 'broken' eyes and ears.. and it did sound very different that it sounds today.
It sounds different today because I had to accept that the way I heard and saw before my intense therapy and years of self help.. was from a broken perspective and not with healthy eyes or ears, which see reality as it really is.
Louise
Oh…
But if you’re going to help others, don’t you need to know what you’re helping them with? Listening is the first step. I never said you offended me. I said I wanted to let you know how your words made me feel. You can dole out all the advice and life lessons you have, but how do you know which one is relevant if you don’t hear what someone is saying? I believe you can help others, but you tell someone you don’t have the time and energy to hear what they say, well, that’s not very helpful and in certain instances (although not this one) can be very damaging. Your whole blog is about helping others, educating others…how is that possible without listening to feedback. I feel like you dismissed me. That what I had to say was unimportant. Yet, you apologize. What exactly do you feel the need to apologize for?
Jessica, I get the feeling that there is some miscommunication and or misunderstanding going on here.
My problem is that I listen VERY CLOSELY! Sometimes to closely to what others don't even realize they are saying/implying.
To my eyes, you stated that you were offended, upset or made to feel some other negative feeling..
by this comment..
" I wasn't going to write to you since I expressed myself on my blog instead, but my friend told me I should since what you said was clearly not intended to upset me and it looks like you really try to help others."
That comment set the stage for whatever you wrote after that point.
If I were to sit here and debate my intentions with everyone that comments- I'd have no time to enjoy my motorcycle!
Jessica, I apologized IF I had hurt you- based upon your friend telling you I wasn't trying to hurt you.. that tells me that you approached her/him and implied to them that you were offended in some way shape and or form.
FOR THAT FEELING YOU IMPLIED YOU FELT- I APPOLOGISED, that was NEVER my intention to hurt someone that was innocent.
Now as far as dismissing you?
I honeslty try to live a half normal life.. I don't sit at the computer all day..
I don't "dismiss" anyone. I never did nor will I..
I simply don't have the energy to "engage" with everyone that would like to push my buttons. I'm so over that.
Not that I'm accusing you of trying to push my buttons because I AM NOT!
But that's what this blog comes down to when someone tells me that they voiced their opinion of my post on their own blog.
Especially after they feel the need to tell me they discussed their feelings with someone else... who tells them that my post wasn't meant to inflame.. irritate.. offend or whatever else one might feel.
Now just so that you know I do not mean to dismiss, insult or offend anyone.. I went to your blog and tried to find the post you were talking about, to no avail.
I did however read a few other posts that you wrote and they are EXCEPTIONAL!
If you would like me to read the post you are referring to, please send the link to me @ HaveUmistakenMe@aol.com and I will read it.
Can we agree that there may have been a misunderstanding and leave it at that?
Yes, I would like that. Let's start over. I really would like you to read what I wrote only to just clarify my original comment. I will send you the link. Thanks.
Hi Louise,
Here is the link to my blog. http://jessicasalley.blogspot.com/
My original response to your comment is the top entry "Having Doubts". I would've copied it or linked it to you at the start, but like I said I didn't want to clog up your comment box. I thought it would just be a click away since I've become a follower of your blog.
Thanks,
Jessica
Maybe I'm just stupid as to how this all works, but what I was trying to avoid in the first place (clogging up your comments) has occurred anyway. I should've just copied and pasted! So, like I said above, I just want to clarify my original comment, so I guess I should just put it here so you don't have to go to my blog. I am copying my entry here and I am including an entry from the other blog I mention so that you can have the whole picture of what I was feeling. Thanks.
I cannot copy and paste it all in one comment (I tried!) So I will send it in two sections. First is my entry from my own blog. The next one is from the other blog that I mention in mine.
MY BLOG ENTRY:
Friday, October 1, 2010
Having Doubts
Maybe this blog stuff was just a big mistake. I'm an avid learner and I thought the more information I had, the better the pieces would fit and it would just complement who I am. I didn't think I'd be so thrown by such a tiny sentence.
There was so much more to the message than just that sentence, and it was good. It made me feel good. It gave me hope. It was nice. I don't want to negate that, but I can't get by the tiny sentence.
I'm the child of an alienated parent. I have guilt. I shouldn't. I did nothing wrong. I know this. It is fact for every EVERY case. But...I still have this irrational guilt that somehow I caused the pain and suffering of my mom.
So when I was told "...she needs you to love her unconditionally", it floored me.
I did! Oh my god how I did! I did until the lines got so blurred and the truth got so convoluted that it was no longer safe--mentally as well as physically. But the twisted aspect is that it's the adults responsibility to love unconditionally. How is it all of sudden on me? A child should never (never!) be concerned with an adults needs.
I'm starting to believe my first impression of the blog that initially caught my interest is spot on. Why don't people tell the whole story? Have a read: http://youwontalwayslikewhatisay.blogspot.com/
(Continued in the next comment...)
(Continued from the above comment...)
THE BLOG I REFERENCE ABOVE:
You Won't Always Like What I Say
Friday, September 24, 2010
Parental Alienation
Sometimes it's just good parenting.
Not every person who contributes to creating a child is fit to raise that child. Not even if it's the mother. As a society, we may still side with the mother in custody cases. The word "mother" evokes images of love for the majority of people. It can be difficult to shatter that image in the public eye. Difficult, but not impossible.
Take the case of a woman who had a child at a young age and on some accounts appeared to be striving to provide for that child. She worked off the books and also illegally collected welfare from the city. She had no contact with the child's biological father. In her child's early years, there were numerous red flags pointing to the dangerous, unstable person that would later lose her children.
She had a caring boyfriend that was a father figure to her child but instead of welcoming that stability, she constantly threatened it by bizarre confrontations. The boyfriend was a good guy, but he didn't live in a bubble. He helped others, too, and had other friends. She felt insecure by these relationships. One was a platonic relationship with an older woman. She would call, threaten and harass the older woman. She even drop-kicked her one day after seeing her talking to her boyfriend. During this time, others were calling in child abuse charges against her, but none were yet substantiated.
She was not very loyal to the boyfriend (who forgave her too many times) and ultimately ended up losing him to another. This new woman was terrorized by her. She was harassed and stalked. Her life was threatened. She was physically assaulted by her three times, one time ending up in the hospital with a neck brace. It ended up in court with an order of protection provided. This went on for a few years up until her child was about 5 or 6 years old.
About that time, she met her husband-to-be. Poor man. He had no idea of her violent nature. Perhaps he thought jealousy flattering. He married her. She proceeded to have 4 more children with this new guy. Soon after, however, he understood. There were violent confrontations, accusations of drug use and child abuse. They separated. And, finally, a move that he apparently felt was completely necessary.
He had his children removed by court order.
Smart man that he was, he was able to keep those children away. Most are of age to reconnect if they choose to, but not one has. A job well done.
Now, she cries to others. She threatens judges and lawyers, making a fool of herself. She has found other poor souls that have had children taken away (rightly or wrongly) and has convinced them she has been wronged and can help them. She is preying on the weak. They do not even know of her violence. I wonder how they would feel if they knew? Would they still be supportive, perhaps wrongly projecting their own feelings?
Or would they realize, like I do, that sometimes things turn out for the best.
Jessica,
(part 1- it was to long I had to break it down)
First let me say that I'm sorry it took so long for me to read your post and get back to you.. but I wanted to give it the attention it needed and I was runnin ragged this week and wouldn't have been able to do that.
So with that said.. (1) I did get all of your attempts to post your message (duplicates). I dunno why you were getting an error message, but they did all come through.
Second, which is really first lol
I see what I said that may have pushed a wrong button with you.
When I said "love your mother unconditionally" I wasn't putting anything on you at all.. I'm sorry if it appeared that way. IF I had the opportunity to write to her.. I would have told her the very same thing, and she may have felt slighted, or targeted as well.
She may be feeling.. she did love unconditionally and ended up the target parent in spite of it.
Although I'd bet my last dollar that she would be wrong if that were her mindset because I know as the alienated parent we didn't love unconditionally..
Why? Because we were to broken to not see and hear with 'victim' eyes and ears.. (see part 2)
cont.. (part 2)
During the alienation 'the alienated' are going through major emotional turmoil. That in and of itself is very confusing. The medical term is -- Cognitive dissonance!
(see an earlier post on this to understand it better)--
http://disgustedwiththesystem.blogspot.com/2009/08/parent-alienation-syndrome-stockholm.html
Anyway, from what I've studied.. the confusion caused by this type of brainwashing causes everyone involved to feel as if they are on over-load!
It will be here when most 'target parents' will back off and not understand why their once loving children suddenly begin to cause feelings in them (the target parent) of uncomfortable- ness..
(I hope I explained that right)
But anyway.. the target parent can't help but "feel" their children's love and respect for them dissipating. (due to the cognitive dissonance)
Ehh it is what it is.. and because we/they/target parents.. are so broken (from our life story of always being not good enough/unworthy/(fill in whatever other negative feelings make up our 'childhood stories' which we reenact over and over in our adult lives until we finally get it) we/they/target parents can't love unconditionally--(understand that it isn't about us not being enough it's about the other person being just as broken as we/they/target parents are as well).
(see part 3)
(part 3)
Bottom line is.. loving unconditionally isn't about who does or doesn't do what..
It's about loving ourselves enough to know that 'other people' don't define our worthiness (even if that other person is a parent a partner or a child)and that no matter what actions or inactions 'other people' do or don't do.. it isn't about us, it's about them.
When I asked you to love unconditionally- it had nothing to do with her (your mom) or him (your dad) it had to do with YOU!
You.. knowing your loveable in spite of how they made you feel.. in spite of what kind of relationship you do or don't have with either of them.. in spite of what they made you 'feel' back then or even now. In spite of the 'traumatic child-hood story' they created for you!
You can't give that kind of power to someone or someone[s] that is/are as broken as your parent's and all parents of dysfunctional families (myself included) clearly are. Once you/we look within.. ‘they’ ( the professionals) call it awakening.. Meaning we see OUR faults and accept them, therefore we can start to CONSCIOUSLY think, unlike the majority of the world thinks (on auto pilot).
When we think on auto pilot we point fingers outwardly, when we are awakened, we look for our role in why things are the way they are and therefore see situations much clearer.. Because the smoke and mirror show helps us avoid accountability, therefore allowing us to blame everyone but ourselves (aka live out ’our childhood story’) over and over again.. Each time sabotaging our happiness again and again.
(see part 4)
(part 4)
I guess I was asking you to be the better person, the healthier person and understand that her (your mother's and your father’s for that matter) 'childhood story' isn't a good one.. and because of that.. she 'wasn't able' to protect you from the pain and dysfunction that you went through, nor was 'he' able to protect you from the pain and dysfunction his role caused you.
I know this first hand, not only as an adult child of dysfunction but as a mother who wasn't healthy enough emotionally (back then) not to get herself into a relationship with an abuser who would inevitable alienate/hurt and destroy her/my own children.
When we love unconditionally.. something magical happens. The people we interact with eventually feel worthy of love (unlike their 'child-hood story' taught them.. that they weren't worthy of) and they put down their defenses (dysfunctional way of life) and then and only then can the healing on all levels begin.
Once we 'look within' and admit to ourselves our own faults (maybe not being able to love unconditionally-- maybe that our 'childhood story' leaves us recreating albeit totally ‘unconsciously’ a world where we will feel justified in hurting [like we did as kids]) and accept that we may be bending 'the truth' of what is going on in our worlds to 'fit into' our unconscious story of being unlovable.. will we truly live the truth.. Instead of inside some smoke and mirror show where everyone involved is working on proving to themselves.. that THEY are unworthy and will and more often than not do.. twist reality until it 'FITS' that conditioned belief!
(see part 5)
Grrr I copied part 5 cuz of some typo or something (don't remember now- sorry short attention span) and well.. I screwed that up and lost it.. so there isn't a part 5.
But I think I said enough in parts 1-4 ta make ya go Hmmm .. lol
Thank you for responding in such a thought out way. I’m sorry about the duplicates. It kept saying my connection was lost. I have to admit, this exchange with you has stressed me some because of my own feelings about my mother. I’m sure that I’m putting stuff on you that is meant for her and nothing personal about you. I may be going about this in the wrong way. I thought that if I got to know the mindset of people like me and her that I would understand better. Maybe that can be true, but maybe it’s just not possible in this setting. There is too much room for miscommunication.
That said, I agree with your findings and with what you’ve learned for the most part. We need to see past our actions to what drove those actions. We need to be accountable to what we have done, but can’t do that unless we see what it is that we have really done and our part in it. I guess my point was that as a child, we should not be held accountable for an adult’s feelings, mistakes, etc. It’s all on them. As an adult, I am responsible for what I do from here on out. If I abuse, I can’t blame my mother. If I turn to drugs, I can’t blame my mother. If I make the wrong decisions, I can’t blame my mother. I can’t continue the cycle of blame. I won’t do it. And I won’t be held responsible for not loving her enough. I wasn’t able to because she wouldn’t let me, she was incapable. I think that was your point. She wasn’t able to let me. I get that.
As an adult, if she were to get help and see what her part in all this was, perhaps I could begin to love unconditionally again. But sometimes the therapy you speak about doesn’t go far enough. Sometimes an awakening is only partial. You don’t know it until you discover more, just like you didn’t know it before you were awakened. I NEED her to be responsible for her actions. But it’s not my responsibility to help her get there.
I thank you for all your time. I hope you are fully awakened. If you ever want an outsiders/child of an alienated parent view of what you are projecting/writing, let me know. I don’t pretend to be an expert or that my views are the ones to go by, but it can help to see what someone coming from a different viewpoint thinks. Good luck to you.
(A copy of my final post. Thought you should see it. Thank you for your time.)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Moving On
This is not who I am. I'm becoming someone I don't even know. Many would say I have a right to do this and more for what happened to me and up until a few hours ago, I agreed. But the negativity, the hostility the obsession--it's not me.
I wasn't very nice. I was deliberately mean. It's not that she didn't deserve it. Actually, she probably got off easy, but I feel bad. I will not become that type of person. It's worse than the powerlessness, anger, disgust I felt about it and her before I started this.
I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing this for me. I need to take care of me and be the best person I can be. Some may feel that I'm letting her win, get away with something, get away easy. It's not like that. This way, I'm winning for me. If someone else gets a benefit--even her--so be it. It's about me now.
It has been so far removed from what I believe that it's hard to see how I got here. I don't like to admit I was a victim, I'd prefer survivor, but that will take time and effort on my part. If I can preach that she should be responsible for all her adult actions no matter what her past, then I should too. I take responsibility for my slip into her world. I was ugly. I am sorry that I was so ugly. I feel bad if I hurt her, but mostly I feel bad what I did to myself. I hurt myself by being ugly even though I was assaulted, terrorized...
I regret taking that road and for feeling I had a right to take that road. It's always my decision what I do no matter what another does to me. I need to realize, and I am, that it has to be about me and respecting myself and not continuing the pain.
And with that, I'm posting this and sending this to the people who should see it and with hope that as I move forth positively and genuinely that I can encourage others to take a hard, realistic look at themselves and see if they aren't still on that road I abruptly turned off of. It's hard to see. Regardless though, take care of yourself. I wish you well. I mean that sincerely.
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