Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Ace of Spades

Those familiar with this blog are use to seeing me rant about our fucked up system...

This post is nothing to do with our system, it's closer to home. You might want to skip it, cuz it's probably only gonna interest me, and let me get some shit off my mind... maybe.

I know everything happens for a reason, I also know that when it's happening we don't understand why it had to happen.

However, eventually it all begins to make more sense, kinda.

My ex partner and I spent seven years adoring each other like no other in both of our lives. Anyone that knew/knows us swore that they thought you needed to shoot one of us to separate the bond we had.

So why would I write that, who would give a shit?

I dunno who would give a shit but it gets interesting here. Out of what appeared to be nowhere things just quickly spiraled downhill with us. Nothing I said, nothing I proved, nothing I tried to explain was heard. Family and friends were destroying us and he refused to hear it.

Ok so you're probably thinking.. yeah and?

Well, things got so out of hand I moved out. Mind you we were 99% finished remodeling the apartment and I had been living there for over 5 years.

I ended up going back to my mothers house. She had my brother and his foster child living with them. My sister lived downstairs with my brother in law and their four kids.. "my four nephews."

I didn't have a good relationship with any of them, actually I had just begun speaking to my mother and sister after a five year stint where I didn't speak a word to either of 'em.

During those years my sister had two more kids, and my brother inherited a foster child.

So, needless to say... my nephews and my brother's foster child didn't really know me. Ehh it is what it is.

Anywho, my ex partner and I broke up last April.

I ended up here (at my mothers) for Mother's day last year. Because of our really screwed up mother daughter and or sister[s] relationships I don't think I've ever celebrated Mothers day with either of them.

Last year I was being taken out and I felt funny not inviting them, so I invited them to join us. Both my mother and sister were so excited. We took them to Little Italy in Manhattan. A cozy little place my ex partner and I had become regulars at.. outside dining, fantastic food~ great people watching, and very friendly and efficient staff.

We sat there and enjoyed our dinner, it was almost as if we all knew that would probably be our first and last Mothers day together.

Around Christmas time my mother began to complain of not feeling well. She claimed she was to weak to walk. By Valentines day she was to weak to stay awake. She spent most of her time in bed.

As the weeks went on she became.. umm I wanna say "jaundiced" (yellow) but maybe it was just pale.. very very pale.

In the beginning of March she began getting tested to see what the problem was. They got a few opinions, and the collective diagnosis was an Adrenal tumor that had spread to the lungs, or lung cancer that spread to the adrenial gland.

The Dr's decided to look deeper and had her go for Cat Scans and more blood work and a urinalysis. There was massive amounts of protein in her urine.

She sat me down at the end of February and reminded me that the women in our family are born on the 13th and die on April 1st (April fools day). Then she reminded me that April 1st is approaching us quickly. I told her that the whole
April 1st thing is probably just a coincidence.

As the days went on she became weaker and weaker, not anything like the woman she once was that reigned terror on me throughout my life. No this woman was weak, she couldn't burn a carpet if she tried, let along burn a kid anymore.

She had to be admitted.

In the last week she's had 3 blood transfusions, a biopsy, and is on Zanax plus blood pressure lowering pills, to reduce her 240 blood pressure. They found out that she has blockages everywhere and they're doing what they can to keep her alive long enough to get the results back from the biopsy.

I've made some new friends since I've been in Brooklyn, one of them wanted to read my "life cards" with a regular playing deck of cards.. ok fine whatever~ I'm always up for a good laugh.

Well what she had to say wasn't going to make me laugh.. no, not attall attall!

She said I'm the Ace of spades:

Ace of Spades

Card Devination - Ace of Spades

Arcana Arcanorum: The Playing-Card Oracle

The Cards of Life - Find Your Card!

Isn't it interesting that I'm here?

Lets just wait it out to see if the April 1st theory is a coincidence or a reality!

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